Twenty truths of normal parenting that no one tells you about, from a parent of five. 

Being a parent changes you as a person. You are now responsible for another life and they become more important to you than yourself. You also find yourself doing things you never imagined yourself doing. Some of them seem bizarre and outrageous, but are generally normal in the grand scheme of parenting, it’s just no one ever wants to admit to it because they’re too busy trying to keep up with societies idea of perfect parenting. Here is a list I’ve put together of what to expect to find yourself doing as you enter parenthood and beyond that people don’t tell you about. 

1- Going to google images and searching what baby poo should look like.. 

As a parent you become obsessed with baby poo. The size, shape colour, texture all mesmerises, worries and confuses the hell out of any parent and not even just new parents. I have five children, my youngest nearly two and still found myself recently googling what my sons poo should look like! You find yourself asking friends , taking photos of dirty nappies, and googling the shit (excuse the pun) out of baby poo pictures so much so google predicts what you’re about to write and gives you some handy suggestions of what may suit your search needs! Truth is baby poo comes in many shapes , colours and sizes so if you’re in doubt dr google probably isn’t the best bet. It’s always best to run any concerns by a GP. 


2- Putting a sheet down on the bed in preperation for a milk leakage in the night! 

Every breastfeeding mother will know in this first few weeks your breasts are like milk launchers with a complete mind of their own, normally over producing at night time and especially if the baby sleeps through a feed. Your body doesn’t get the memo and so tries to feed a child that’s sleeping anyway normally ending up with a milk bath for yourself and your partner in the middle of the night and it’s much easier to remove a spare sheet or towel than it is change the bed. Then of course you have the “fuck it mums” who forgot the spare sheet or blanket and can’t be asked to change the bed so just remind themselves breastmilk is good for the skin and roll over trying to avoid the wet patch. And no I’m not ashamed to say I have been the fuck it mum on a couple of occasions because frankly exhaustion takes over. That same spare blanket can also be used to double as protection for the bed from baby vomit. 

3- Used your own sleeve to wipe someone else’s snotty nose.

Yes, I have done this as have many other parents. We all get caught short at least once with a child that has a sudden random snotty nose, or a sneezing fit leaving them with snot hanging down and over their lips and no tissues or wipes handy! As a parent you want your children to be clean and comfortable and will do anything to keep them that way. So when nothing else is available the good old parent sleeve all be it disgusting, works! I have seen many a parent rely on the trusty parent sleeve, snot sorter! 

4- Used baby wipes for cleaning! 

I do not know a single parent that hasn’t used wipes to clean surfaces at some point. It’s weird like the moment you first purchase a packet of baby wipes your whole world changes. I mean those bad boys fix everything wether it be shitty bums, snotty noses , floor spilages, windowsill dust, dirty shoes, melted chocolate patches on jeans, phone screen cleaners, they’re also great for squashing and disposing of small spiders and well anything you can think of really. 

5- Cursed about or insulted (in your head or under your breath) your child. 
Many parents will deny this one because there worried it’s not socially acceptable to dislike your children at times. Truth his although we all love our children all the time there are times when we dislike them and some of the things they may do! So don’t hide it from people (apart from maybe the kids themselves) , the more we talk about how it’s ok, to not like them all of the time the better. They may be our children, but we are still human as are they and you will sure as hell get times when they dislike you, difference is they won’t be too worried about others opinions of them, to voice theirs! Last week for example one of my children was pushing all of my mum buttons (they figure out what these are pretty young by the way) did I love her at the time? .. yes, did I like her at the time? .. no. At no time did I voice that to her as it’s unfair and not my style with regards to parenting however I was in my head shouting “please just stop being a little shit” while reminding her we like to make good choices and be kind to one another. 

6- Used google as a DR and diagnosed your child with more than just the cold they have. 

Yes, google is a wealth of information, but many parents are guilty of googling the symptoms of their child before actually seeking medical advise. A lot of the time this can lead to a pretty standard response of “visit your nearest accident and emergency department as soon as possible”. Obviously this is warranted in some cases but I have learnt over the years you get much more success by calling your local out of hours service or GP if it is open. Places like webmd, are not reliable if you are genuinely concerned about your child it’s always best to seek proper medical advise. You could dull down or over emphasise symptoms when using online symptom checkers etc and you will not get a proper diagnosis or help from the internet. Yes don’t get me wrong the internet is full of wonderful information, but using DR Google you also run the risk of potentially missing something more serious. 

7- Giving your child calpol when you’re not even 100 percent sure they’re in pain. 

Many children will complain of pain to try to stay up later, have a day off school, get your attention and many other reasons. I would be lieing if I said I wasn’t guilty of giving in and giving calpol in the hope it helped with whatever problem they had, although I wasn’t 100 percent sure there was even a problem in the first place. After all this miracle stuff seems to fix everything from teething to temperatures. 

8- Billittled your own parenting abilities. 

This one really gets me , it is done so often by people that are fabulous parents. We are all conditioned to think we have to be perfect all the time, in reality there is no real perfect only people’s opinions of perfect. All to often parents are telling themselves they’ve gone wrong, they’re doing a terrible job, they aren’t cut out for parenting. In a generation where post natal depression and depression and anxiety disorders are on the increase we all need to take a step back, a deep breath and remind ourselves we are doing our best. We all have bad days and some days want the world to swallow us up, but parenting is fucking hard work and all of us are winging it. A reminder to those parents that put them selves down… YOU ARE AMAZING! You have bought a child into this world and are nurturing it to the best of your ability and that is something to be proud of. If you feel you are drowning in parenthood , seek help and support and remember you’ve got this we are all entitled to struggle sometimes and some of us need some support to get us through it. 

9- Wearing yesterdays clothes…. 

Yes, that’s right most of us end up wearing the same clothes two days running. Why? Because we are too busy washing the 15,000 sets of clothes our children manage to get through in one day that we just don’t have time or the ability to fit ours in the wash. Of course there are also those times you just can’t be arsed or are running to late to get something else out. Some mornings it’s a case of spraying some strong deodorant and hoping you’ve not missed a baby vom patch on the shoulder of yesterday’s tshirt. 

10- Hiding to eat a chocolate bar… 

Now we as parents are sticklers for making sure our children share. With this means they always and I mean always want what you have, not what they have even if it’s exactly the same as what they have got. The amount of times my children won’t eat their own broccoli but steal the broccoli off of my plate is unreal. Most, if not all parents have at some point hidden in the toilet, a big cupboard or outside the front door to consume the chocolate bar they’ve been hiding before the kids notice! 

11- Lied about the tooth fairy when in reality you forgot. 

The tooth loss is a very exciting time for most children eagerly awaiting the tooth fairy to visit. Life however has an amazing way of making you forget important things occasionally. Waking up to a crying child because they tooth fairy didn’t visit and having to play the “the tooth fairys wings got wet and she couldn’t fly last night, I bet she leaves you double to say sorry when she comes tonight” card has happened a few times in my house! It’s ok to forget sometimes we are all human. 

12- Eaten food that’s been in someone else’s mouth! 

As gross as this sounds as a parent it’s an all to common occurance. When your child is eating something and they’re really enjoying it, you sit in fear waiting for the moment they tell you to try some. Next thing you know the words “here daddy, try this it’s yummy” and you mentally prepare yourself for the sweet/crisp/pasta they’ve just taken from their mouth to be forceably put in yours. Some parents are the “oh that’s great” type of parent that grits their teeth and pretends to love eating soggy second hand crisps. Some like me are the ones that move their head away exclaiming “it’s ok baby I’ve tried them and love them to” or “I’m not hungry sweetheart you enjoy it”  through purses lips, until the rather persistent child shoves it in your gob anyway. While you’re trying not to gag and thanking them at the same time. 

13- Pretended the parks or some other place is closed… 

You know those days you wake up after two hours broken sleep? If you don’t I’m not sure I’m convinced you’re really even a parent haha! Your child is full of beans and you just cannot be arsed so suggest a pj and film day, but you told them yesterday you would take them to the park! (Too tip never tell the kids you’re going to do something the next day just incase). Most parents at one point or another have resorted to “the parks shut today baby, they need to do some work on it” because while we strive outselves on being honest to our children, telling them you can’t be arsed isn’t going to be acceptable. This is the next best thing. Until the little shit next door brags about going to the park of course then you’re in deep parent doo doo! 

14- Put the telly/tablet/phone on for a minutes peace… 

when I had my first daughter we didn’t own any of these things and I swore I wouldn’t use CBeebies as a baby sitter! How wrong was I! I’m yet to meet a single parent that at some  point hasn’t used some sort of electrical device to occupy their child so they can get dinner done, have a bath in peace, clean the kitchen or even just have five minutes quiet. At least four times a week I now pop the telly or YouTube on for the kids so I can get tasks I need to, done. 

15- Put yourself in time out… 

If you haven’t tried this honestly you should it works like a treat! I swore when I had kids I would dedicate my whole life to them and I do! However as a parent sometimes the thought of hearing the words mummy or daddy for the 100,001st time in a day makes you feel like you might spontaneously combust. What’s the solution time out, not for the kids for you. I have discovered many benefits from this seemingly mental idea

 1- the kids learn mummies and daddies need time out to calm down too

2- they leave you alone for two minutes which is more than enough time to compose yourself 

3- it can stop you loosing your shit when you can feel yourself bubbling up.


16- Taken pictures of your children sleeping and not because it’s cute… 

Don’t get me wrong some parents take photos of their kids sleeping because it’s cute. However I would like to point out why it’s cute , yes if can be because of the cute positions they’re in or the teddy they’re snuggled up too. Most of the time however it’s because it’s a rare as rocking horse shit that they’re quiet and all asleep at the same time. You use this opportunity to remind yourself they can sleep. They’re also used a lot to post on social media bragging about how wonderful they are when in reality you’re sat having a very quiet victory dance that the little buggers are finally asleep at the same time for the first time in a month and you can have a glass of wine, bath and a shit in peace (not all at the same time obviously, well unless your into shitting in the bath while drinking wine). 


17- Taking pictures of your kid that’s stuck before rescueing them… 

Every parent knows kids are renound for getting themselves stuck in stupid places . My kids are pros at it, most loving parents are so thoughtful that they don’t forget to capture the moment to remind them at their eighteenth birthday party so snap a picture before saving them. Then you get the parents like me and Chris that just find it hilarious and have to get a picture because it’s just to funny not to. I’m not gunna lie yes I have used the excuse it’s to save for them for when they’re older to see what they got up to, but reality is it’s funny as hell when kids get stuck behind the sofa, under chairs, when they’ve climbed up something and can’t get down etc. (Obviously there are moments when kids get stuck that aren’t as funny but I’m not talking about those). 

18- Had a public tantrum with your child.. 

Ok ok , so not every parent has done this but I had to stick it in because frankly it’s hilarious. Chris regularly has tantrums with the kids in public and it’s right what they say it does stop the child and very fucker else around to be honest. Normally it’s B that is tantruming in public and Chris jumps at the chance to join in. He loves it I’m sure it’s just a way for him to vent his pent up anger really! 

19- Let off a deadly fart and blamed your child… 

Farting is a perfectly natural part of life, but as an adult it’s not socially acceptable to fart in public. As a kid however it’s fine so they’re that perfect excuse for you letting one out in a busy supermarket. When you’re walking around and just can’t hold it in you clench as hard as you can and silently (or not so silently) let it out. if it’s silent and you realise how much it stinks it’s pretty standard to then state “oh no have you pood” to your baby or if it’s a loud one “omg that stinks *insert child’s name here*”. 

20- Made out your child is perfect in every way… 

just a heads up no child is perfect but we all find ourselves lieing to make our they are. That dreaded question “does he sleep though” with the automatic answer “yes of course he has done for months” when in reality you’re lucky to get three hours sleep a night, but you just can’t cope with the parenting advise from non parents or parents with “perfect kids” like “have you tried to cut down breastfeeding” , “try a snack before bed”, or my all time favourite… “I did this with mine and it worked for all of them” from the parents that are trying to be helpful, but forgetting that every child and parent is different. 
That’s it from me for now. I hope you enjoyed the read please share with your friends. You can read my blogs and laugh at my days via my Facebook page at…. https://m.facebook.com/workingbreastfeedingmumof5/all 

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Much love 

Kate 

Xx 

Side note *some of the images used in Thai blog were taken from google and are not my property* 


What a bloody week

This week has been a big blur of exhaustion, trying to save my sanity and not to go insane with the children present. It’s been tough but I’ve made it through thank the lord! 

Chris worked all weekend because.. well we need the money , five kids aren’t cheap! Leaving me to deal with the monsters. They’ve all been ill so that’s made it even more interesting. Thursday I had the boy child sent home from nursery and Friday B was sent home. That’s when I knew it was going to be a challenging week. 

FRIDAY… 

I had to finish work early because I had poorly children. Didn’t mean they faught any less mind. Infact calpol seems to miraculously cure most things so try to kill mummy through insanity mode soon kicks back in. Thankfully two friends had them for a couple hours so I could stay 8 out of my 12 hours (thankyou guys). When Chris got home the task of settling them was fun they were tired and miserable, but doing that stupid thing kids do and not sleeping through being over tired, what the fuck is even with that? I would jump at the chance for a nap they just don’t appreciate the value of naps as we do as adults! When we finally got them settled I went out for dinner at Nando’s with a good friend , we then hit the pub for a couple and to meet another friend, then headed to the cinema after. I got home later than if I’d been out on the piss all night! It was a good night though. 

Saturday… 

I was exhuasted from getting home and into bed with a small boy that wouldn’t sleep and then it hit me.. Chris has woken me because he’s got work…. oh fuck! I’m on my own with five over tired and bored kids! I love them dearly don’t get me wrong but by 9am they were driving me insane. You see when you have five kids the normal volume level resembles what it would be if you put your telly up full blast and when you’re exhausted it’s intolerable! So I asked them all to play nicely while I put the boy to bed .. good plan right? Wrong! Massively wrong! They were playing quietly yes, however children playing quietly never really ends well! See picture below…. And take note never ever trust quiet kids! How is it my kids when asked to tidy up scream, stamp and cry stating they can’t, yet when asked to be quiet they turn into like superhuman versions of themselves and manage to create more mess than a tornado in less then five minutes! If someone could enlighten me that would be great! 

So yeah I’m left asking if they can clear up while trying to be careful not to set off the stupidly loud time bomb that comes in the form of a little ginger , stroppy , four year old! In the end I settle for the “don’t worry I know it’s a lot I will help” which is taken as .. let’s go trash the lounge and let the women deal with this by herself, after all she is our slave and putty in our hands while the small one is asleep! In all honesty they’re correct I will do anything to keep the small, Velcro, screamy one asleep! So I’m cleaning up while muttering in my head all the wonderful things you do about your kids in this situation but you can’t actually say to them, such as “little shits” , “why the fuck am I cleaning up after then again” “all their pissing toys are going in the bin if this shit happens again” 

I get downstairs and think fuck this shit and dish out phones and tablets so I can sort the mess that’s now traveled downstairs thanks to B and G and their destructive ways! If anyone ever says to you they don’t use electrical things to occupy their kids so they can get things done, don’t believe them or don’t believe they’re even a parent. 

I lost B for a little while and I bet you can’t guess where she was…. when I spotted her snapped this super quick to show you all the panicky shit I have to deal with from this child, I then yelled so loud I’m sure the neighbours got away from their windows (sorry neighbours) the windows were locked and secure but still this shit sends my heart to my throat, quicker than vomit after your fifteenth jäger bomb! 

The boy woke up and B, G and R decided that don’t like eachother anymore que the learning to like eachother time. Again it worked a treat (thank the lord) and the day went relatively smoothly from there. Given strops from B are a daily accurance and now the norm. 

Chris came home and all of a sudden all five kids are all sweetness and light (why the fuck do they do that). His comment to me “what was the problem they’re fine” with regards to the text I sent home stating I hope he wasn’t late because I needed back up. 

Sunday… 

Again Chris is working poor guy I’m making a roast for tea and have the meat in the slow cooker by 8am (because I’m a badass mum like that) . Before the inevitable happens they start whining there are a lot of things in life I can tolerate but the whining… It goes through me instantly and I feel my blood boiling so I put myself in time out. All the kids automatically stop, be quiet and behave,  because when mummy puts herself in time out it’s because mummy doesn’t want to lose her shit and start yelling, they’ve learnt this over the years.. well apart from the boy child he doesn’t get it and is pestering me, he’s not whining though so I don’t mind so much. When I come out of time out I text nanny see if she wants dinner and explain we are going out later also if she wants to come and she agrees. It’s the least she deserves not only does she help us out where she can but she also listens to my moaning about her son and normally agrees with me (all thoughblikely just to shut me up) I’m so lucky to have a lovely mother in law she’s amazing. Chris isn’t pleased however as he calls her and she doesn’t answer, I call her and she does me and Julie speak more than Chris and Julie. This I find incredibly amusing while I think Chris feels a little put out sometimes bless him (I don’t mean the bless him bit if I’m honest it just sounded good). Anyhow, by the time nanny gets over I’m literally on the verge of knocking back the wine in the fridge and locking myself in the cupboard under the stairs. The boy won’t let go of me , G is screatching this awful high pitched screatch, B is just destroying stuff , R is begging to call anyone and everyone she can and A.. actually A has had some sort of personality transplant this weekend as she is being beautifully behaved and extremely helpful. (I really fucking hope the hormonal stage is over for now). It’s amazing seeing the wonderful little girl she really is. 

I sit and chuckle a little to myself as nanny gets over run by my feral army of small people, “what’s in your bag nanny”, “can I have a cuddle nanny” , “have you got sweets nanny” poor women hasn’t even had a chance to sit down properly yet. While singing freedom in my head and contemplating running off and leaving her with them for a couple hours. Obviously I don’t actually do it although I can’t garentee it won’t happen one day. 

We play for a while , whilst B intermittently does the floor drop for no apparent reason, kicking, screaming and not telling anyone why and the boy child has remembered I have boobs and in them I have milk that he can’t possibly let go of! Until Chris calls around 2.30 and tells me to get the kids sorted we are going to the beach he  gets home around 3. 

We then have arguments about who’s going in nannys car B and G won that’s not surprising to be honest we can’t take the floor drops from them both if the others went in her car. We pile them all in and off we go! 

We get there and typically get tears in seconds as A falls in a hole and twists her ankle the tears are made worse by mine and Chris automatic reaction of laughing while trying really hard not to! I’m sorry but it was hilarious she didn’t even fall she kind of flew in a really unladylike Abby elephant kind of way. Trying to comfort her and hide the laughing is possibly one of the hardest things I’ve done in ages. I’m sorry but it was hilarious, made more so by the fact I warned nanny about the hole and she then also fell down it flinging B and G forwards as she had their hands, yet miraculously they stayed stood. 

It’s actually really nice at the beach the kids love throwing stones in the sea and running around. While I’m going over and over in my head what I will do and the actions I would take it they got dragged into the sea. That thought is promptly stopped with a donk and my turning hulk as a stone hits me in the side of the fucking head (we really need to teach them better aim) and giving the kids a lecture on throwing into the sea not into people’s heads. After that we all have a great time even if I am panicking every three seconds even though the girls are a meter Away from the water. We try a million and twelve times to get a nice picture of all of us and should of known it wouldn’t work however we did get some other lovely ones. (Side note A did get over it quickly) 

I got the most amazing picture of the girls while on our way back. This never happens like ever! 

The thing with living by the sea is you take it for granted. We don’t go anywhere near enough even though it’s beautiful, Fun and free. So many people I know would love to live where we do and we really don’t make the most of it. 

We had to bribe the kids with sweets to leave (luckily nanny always carries sweets) we get home and I make tea while Chris baths the filthy little sods we rear. It was amazing, but I made far to much! This , this is how I ate my dinner. I’m truly starting to believe I need to write a honest parenting book! 

This was the left overs! 

We discovered today the girls can work as a team all be it in a very hilarious and unique way…. as you can see B and G are helping R to make everyone drinks. 

We get them into bed, nanny heads home and it’s actually relatively quiet until carnage starts at ten and me and Chris are split between three waking kids. Apparently that situation isn’t as impossible as it sounds! However it is exhausting when it carries on all night! 

Monday.. 

This about sums up the morning before school. I don’t even know what they were kicking off about. I’m assuming they’re overtired given no one really slept last night! I eventually calm them and get the other three sorted. Drop the older three at breakfast club, the younger two at nursery and got myself to work. I worked 12 hours so Chris had to collect the three older ones from my friends after work, get them home, feed them, then collect the younger two from nursery. He then got them all to bed and I got home the poor sod was asleep on the sofa. I sat down to express and then have to go check on the baby who hasn’t woken when I walked in which is highly unusual he’s sleeping soundly as are the girls. He went on to sleep all night 😱

Tuesday… 

Today I got the mum of the year award, you will read why further down. So the morning went as normal , Chris got the lunch bags sorted for me, helped two to get dressed and headed off to work. I was then dealing with a B that stated she wasn’t getting dressed (fine child school run in pjs it is , I wish I could get away with that). The boy child kicked off an I had to do the knee hold to get him in the buggy then he screamed most of the way because he wanted to be attatched to the tit for the fiftheenth time in two hours. I got the girls to school reluctantly and home with B and the boy. He’s shattered so went down really simply for a nap. I tried to give B the tablet after her breakfast in the hope I could get a nap. Haha because clearly she was going to let that happen 🙄 instead she decided that she was going to demand I help her with the simplest of things like peeing! Nanny popped over for a couple hours and we had a nice time she left and a friend came over, toon one look at me and sent me to bed. No sooner did I get in it the school called “hi kate, A is saying she feels sick and won’t eat her lunch she seems fine in herself though” I confirm if she decides she is hungry later they’ll let her eat and explain given how much she lies I can’t warrant collecting her if she seems fine. They agreed that was a good plan given she didn’t look nor was acting poorly. By the time I got to sleep I got twenty minutes because I was woken to the school again. “Hi kate, she’s very teary and now really looks unwell” I agree to go collect her and now I feel fucking awful poor kid. I go to collect her bumping into a friend on the way who agrees to collect the other two and come give my friend a hand with all five while I pop to get dinner because bob me and Chris have just been too tired to go shopping. On the way home while being sympathetic I recite the boy who cried wolf story (although she’s heard it a million times I think maybe now she will think before telling lies again). We get back and she sleeps on the sofa while the boy is poking her wanting to play (she really must be poorly). Then my friend arrives with her three kids and my other two and I head to the shop. I get back and make dinner a classic beans on toast because that what they wanted, they’ve had cooked dinners at school and I’ve got work. My friends go home and realise I’ve ten minutes to eat and get ready before having to leave . The boy is screaming for milk and so this is how I end up , eating , feeding and trying to do dishes. 


They don’t tell you about this shit in parenting books folks! I fuck the dishes off leaving them for poor Chris to do and get ready while he piles the kids into the car while they’re kicking off because they’re tired and he takes me to work again A is the only one not moaning. B is falling asleep in the car so I get to play the fun game of poke and tickle the child so she stays awake all the way to work. Today I am so thankful for work, so much so I got out the car and didn’t even say goodbye to Chris I just ran in to sit down for ten minutes Undisturbed. I get home at 11.40 and Chris is in the boys bed. I express and wake him he comes to bed and within an hour I’m in with the boy and that’s where I stay for the night! 

Wednesday …

Tiredness is really taking hold now and I’ve got to be at a course at 9 and volunteer after. Chris helps sort the kids before heading off for work and surprisingly they’re not that bad bar the occasional strop, so I get dinner in the slow cooker, The kids to school and nursery and me to my course , I go straight to volunteer and then by home about half hour before school run . The boy that has screamed the entire walk home is now asleep in the buggy. I’m keeping B quiet with snacks and we are chilling surrounded by this mornings mess. You know what I don’t even fucking care I’m tired and we need to relax for a while. Typically the boy wakes for a feed ten minutes before I have to leave . I get the girls from school with a boy in the buggy giving everyone that dared look at him evils and when we get home they all go play upstairs until dinner. During the hour between being home and dinner a think I counted 40 plus times I heard muuummmm from one of the smaller three! Like seriously how can they need you that many times in such a short space of time! Chris gets home. we have dinner and sort bedtime (which takes about 2.5 hours) , I get some nvq work done and he’s asleep on the sofa. I head to bed and wake up at 3am he’s in bed with the boy.  

If I’m honest Thursday and Today I worked some more and the kids were relatively good given they all feel like shit (calpol is a wonderful invention) minus the odd hiccup in behaviour. Although Thursday I did learn the boy could feed upside down and he knows how to look after mummy. I also spent two and a half hours cleaning the small twos bedroom and throwing out old broken toys after work! 

I also discovered being hit over the head with your phone at 5.30am on a Friday morning when you have work, by a nearly two year old signing , monkies in the bed (five little monkies nursery rhyme) is not funny nor is it enjoyable! (Unless it’s happening to someone else of course then it’s fucking hilarious) 

So yeah that’s my week my kids have been arseholes at times, but hey who’s kids aren’t. I love them all the same and their individuality is incredible. 

Until next time 

Much love 

Kate 😘

The learning to like eachother session – positive discipline for fighting siblings. 

Now this may be a little controversial to some but for my kids it works and frankly I don’t give a shit if people don’t like it. 

Given I’ve got five kids they can be a handful (to say the fucking least). They don’t always get along infact far from it. I would say around 70 percent of the time they’re pissing each other off, fighting like cat and dog is probably an understatement. People said girls will be better and get on better… those people lied! In all fairness, I’m dreading them hitting their teens and if how they are now is anything to go byI’m  pretty fucked and outnumbered. So I need to get a hold on their fighting while they’re small. Now while I realise shouting at them doesn’t help and I try really hard not to, it doesn’t mean I don’t do it. However this doesn’t mean they listen infact I think they listen less, they just block me out and I turn into some sort of crazy, shouty, background noise. I have been on parenting course after parenting course and in each one you swear to follow exactly what you are taught, but in reality that shits hard when you’ve got A screaming “she took my sylvanian” , R screaming “A hit me” , B stood with a clump of blond hair in her hand while denying all knowledge of why G is screaming “she pulled my hair”. I find myself doing the whole “right girls let’s all sit and talk this through” which prompts a huge stupidly loud debate on who started it… because clearly I give a fuck who started it! I give them all chance to speak individually but nope they have to talk over each other and until a week or so ago it generally ended with “RIGHT STOP IT NOW, I DON’T CARE WHO STARTED IT, IT ENDS NOW! Now all of you sit quietly for one minute and think about how you’ve made eachother feel! You’re sisters not enemy’s” Again this doesn’t really have the desired affect. 

No parenting book prepares you for this shit, you’ve gone from being a mother to a boxing referee over night. They only like to tell you the easy stuff in those books. There is a fine line between teaching your children right from wrong, yet allowing them to dislike things about eachother. I mean seriously name someone you like absolutely everything about, I bet you can’t do it! There will be even a seemingly tiny thing that you dislike about them. I want my children to learn it’s ok not to like things about everyone they meet including their siblings, but also to appreciate the things they do like about people. 

So B and A are screaming at eachother so high pitched I can’t even make out what they’re saying. I imagine it’s some shit that’s trivial to me, but to them it’s like their whole world comes crashing down. They’re not built like adults and see things as a lot more special than we do. 

The daisy B picked me for for example, to most people it’s just a daisy, to her she worked hard to find the perfect one, to gift to me, she then picked and protected it before proudly presenting it to me and it’s the only thing she had to give so that’s a big deal and so it should be. It was recieved with masses of smiles and thankyou’s telling her how thoughtful and special she is (admittedly while wondering how the fuck I’m gunna find one exactly the same to replace it with when it inevitably dies and B notices). So when G decided to pull all the petals off it wasn’t a case of it’s ok we can get another, no daisy will be the same as the Perfect one B picked for me. That scribble on a screwed up piece of paper that you get given at the end of school, that is work well done, they’ve thought about you and drawn you a loving picture as best they can, granted it will probably go in the bin when they aren’t looking because with five kids if I kept every scrap of paper I would live in a shredder. Yes, you receive it and sometimes think, for fuck sake why can’t she make these for someone else while pasting on a massive smile and showing lots of appreciation for the scribbled on paper. Funnily enough it’s normally these sorts of things the girls fight over, or the typical situation where one sees another with a toy she wants , bearing in mind she didn’t want the fucking thing before she saw someone else with it, infact she’s not played with it in months! 

So yeah B and A are fighting, neither will tell me what is going on and neither want to apologise or see they’ve done anything wrong. My over tired, poor brain can’t take it and all of a sudden from no where I have an idea! These sorts of ideas normally end horrendously in fairness, but I was trying it anyway. 

So I told the girls to sit back to back, while B sat waiting A decided like fuck was she doing it , after about five minutes of encouragement they sat back to back. I was shocked but hey I’m winging it here! As you can see when she did finally sit there neither were amused. 

I asked them to think about what happened and if it was worth fighting over, I then explained they can dislike things about eachother , they’re human after all however it is not acceptable to be mean to eachother or any other human being. After about five minutes they both said they were ready to start getting along. Now bearing in mind I’m still Winging it here. So I say ok now do you mind facing eachother and hold hands for one minute, while thinking about the things you like about eachother. Again they’re not amused but are happier than moments before. 

I set a timer for a minute and leave them thinking about what they like about one another. They’re smiling within twenty seconds so this winging it lark isn’t going to badly it seems. The alarm sounds and I then ask if they feel one another needs a cuddle they agree. 

They’re a lot happier now I ask them to keep thinking about things they like about one another while the timer is on and now they’re talking and cuddling.. progress ! The next step I only have a video for and can’t upload them here for some reason “/. However it was to keep them sat infront of one another , now though telling the other one at a time things they like about eachother, so A starts with “I like your hair B” , B follows with “I like your nose” and so on until they’ve said three things each. I’m still fucking gobsmacked this is working. Once they’ve said their three things each they ask if they can go and play. I let them obviously and that was that. For the first time in months I was seeing and hearing them playing beautifully and complimenting eachother. It’s amazing, I’m fucking amazed it worked and feeling a little like a genius right now. My theory was to show them it’s ok to dislike things about one another but focusing on the things they like about one another is much better. I totally thought it was a massive fluke and would never work again. For the rest of the weekend they got on great. And I actually managed to get the first amazing picture of them together in months. 

The real test was yet to come. I explained everytime any of them fought this would happen and sure enough the time came when the others started fighting too. I’m panicking now thinking how the fuck can I do this with three or four kids. However it was unwarranted as I did and again it worked amazingly. First it was B and R that fought and within a minute they were giving eachother kisses and laughing. While A was holding B’s hand in the start to comfort her as she wasn’t happy to begin with (this is something A would never if done a couple months ago). 

Then the winging it excelled to a new level, three of them. That’s right fucking three of them and guess what .. again it worked amazingly! 

They all got on so much better after and complimented eachother on all sorts while playing. It was incredible and since I have used it a couple of times again with success. 

Now I’ve seen people say all sorts about how to get kids to get along. From the “get along tshirt” (I tried this once and failed and to be fair when I thought about it I didn’t want them to get an acquired fear of being restricted), time outs, naughty step, being forced to apologise (I’ve also done this I won’t lie but I think it’s counter productive you can’t force someone to feel bad about something they said or did). 

Yet this has by far worked the best. I think because while I’m appreciating you can’t like everything else about another human being, I am refocusing them onto the things they do like about one another, over riding the negatives with positives and so they see more positives in eachother. Even if they are as seemingly tiny as I like the button on your dress, focussing on the things they like has helped massively in them learning to appreciate one another. I’m not saying it’s an instant fix it’s not they will still fight and we will still follow this routine but at that moment in time they remember they love eachother and it’s incredible! 

So yeah that’s how I use positive discipline and their own feelings to help them get along when they hate eachother. I don’t force them to apologise, I don’t scold them for disliking one another at times, I also don’t condone them being violent towards one another. Instead I teach them to see the good and that’s what they do. 

I hope you enjoyed this blog, and my idea for the “learning to like eachother session” as I like to call it. I also hope your children benefit from it as much as mine do. 

Much love 

Until next time 

Kate 😘

We actually adulted for an evening… 

When you have as many kids as we do adulting is a rarity. Saturday night me and Chris had his rugby end of season dinner. I find it difficult going out and leaving the kids with anyone other than him. I shouldn’t because I know nanny Julie is more than capable and the kids will be in safe hands.. I don’t know, I just worry. 

So I really didn’t want to go out, but I had promised Chris I would, so I had to force myself to let go of my anxiety and sort my shit out. 

People without children probably won’t understand, but trying to get ready to go out when you have an army of small people is a mission in itself. 

I went to get in the bath and no sooner did my toe touch the water did B come in as she wanted to come in with me. I told her not today to go downstairs and see if daddy wanted help. She walked out the room and straight back in again this time with toys. “Mummy it’s lonely in your bath” … no , no it’s not child given you’re in here. Obviously I opted for the more child friendly “it’s ok mummy’s happy in the bath without toys”, que a fuck load of toys that aren’t even bath toys being launched at me while I am defenceless and trapped in the bath! Fucking wonderful, I mean I know she’s being kind and I love that she is, but Jesus I just wanted a quick bath in peace. I didn’t fancy a bloody peppa pig figure in the eye that’s for sure! Why I ever thought I would get that I do not know! Anyway I make it the quickest bath in history purely because I have a small ginger being that is watching and asking about my every move. I’m now also worried I’ll walk in at some point and find her trying to shave her legs As I couldn’t possibly of done it quickly given I’ve seen less hair on chewbacca, because as a mum you don’t get time to shave your legs every other day like you did before kids! 

So I put my pjs bottoms and a bra that’s not a nursing bra on. For two years pretty much I’ve warn a nursing bra and so this feels weird as fuck, but when I look in the mirror I am amazed I’ve got boobs and a cleavage and they look fucking awesome. If you’ve breastfed or carried children you will completely get the excitement I got staring at myself in the mirror. Anyway I go to start doing my face (and This shit takes a lot of work) I get my primer on and bam the boy child realised he can see boobs and needs milk so I end up with him sat on the kitchen side while I try to put my make up on with him attatched to my tit. This is not making me want to go out even more! It’s a fucking ball ache. Nanny comes in (thank fuck for nanny I’ll tell you that) now the boy child’s and B’s attention is diverted I can finish my make up, because the whole eyebrow pencil knocked so you draw a line up your forehead look is not good, I then start to curl my hair because my straighteners have vanished into thin air.. although I’m sure Chris has stolen them to straighten his chest hair or some shit, he just doesn’t want to admit it. In the middle of doing my hair A decides she doesn’t want me to go out so is pestering me , B is climbing all over nanny and I again seem to have a boy child hugging my leg like a fucking koala. I settle A explaining we won’t be long as I’ve work tomorrow , while praying she doesn’t wait up for us (because that’s the sort of shit she does) and nanny comes to rescue me from the boy child before my foot falls off through lack of blood flow. My face heavy with about twelve hundred layers of make up to mask the exhustedness on my face. It’s gunna take a lawn mower to get this shit off! 

I walk into my room and go to get dressed although not before admiring these new found tits one more time and taking a couple of snaps to show them off to the admin girls for mcparents because well… they do look fucking amazing. I get dressed realising you can’t rush putting tights on it just doesn’t work you end up with more ladders than every window cleaner in the country put together! Good job Chris bought me two pairs that’s for sure! 

Anyhow now we are ready and nanny came armed with sweets so we could sneak away… good call nanny, good call! I chuck  my emergency pants in my bag And we head of. A lot of people make fun of me for my emergency pants and I seem to be the only person that takes them everywhere. I mean let’s face it being a women the last thing you want is to suddenly come on your period while out have blood in your pants that spreads to your dress, making it look like you’ve been mysteriously stabbed in the Fanny or worse after five kids you piss yourself because you were queuing that second to long in the toilet!  I look in the car mirror just to check my hair and face to make sure nothing needs touching up. I have got to say I felt pretty damn good about myself. 

So we get to the rugby club to have a slap up meal of fish and chips and then have the awards , by the awards I’m getting into the idea of being out but also tempted to start drinking. I’ve work the Next day so unfortunately can’t. Do you have any idea how annoying it is limiting yourself to lemonade and only two alcoholic drinks when out on a Saturday night with no kids ? Well I’ll tell you now It’s fucking awful, we had fun all the same. 

And we actually resemble normal human beings. I did start to get a complex when the fifth person said to me “wow you can scrub up well can’t you” .. to be fair I go to the rugby club normally in a hoody and joggers with minimal of any make up on, looking more manly than most of the players, so I kind of guess they’re right. I don’t normally look like a lady so this is a novelty. I sit chatting with the ladies while Chris fucks off with his mates as he does because he’s the captain and apparently with captaincy comes forgetting you have your mrs with you! I’m sat talking to them all bubbly while dribbling at the drinks in their hands holding back the urge to Swipe and down them. Then the fun starts the awards. I like this bit because with the award comes a giant rugby style piss taking session. I sit and laugh at all the horrendous and embarrassing things people have done …. until a moment I should of been proud of (but wasn’t) happened Chris got called up for an award and no piss taking was done as it was serious , the club loved him and thanked him loads.. however where the fuck was my thanks?! I have to endure all the shit that comes with captaincy like the moaning about players not turning up, people getting carded for stupid reasons and the fact he trains every Thursday (one of my few evenings off) and plays every Saturday (one of my two days off). Then there is the fact that the shield and the trophy he got are going to need a home in my already cramped house, and I will not hear the end of how amazing he is for at least six months .. oh the joys of being a rugby widow! So I head to the toilet and inform him we need to go soon as I have work in the morning where i snap a quick obligatory toilet selfie. Seriously though check out the tits!!  He’s fine with that and I order a kebab for us and Julie so the time it arrives is when we need to be home by. I’m surprised Chris is not smashed to be honest to be fair he does deserve it. Anyhow we join in with some songs that I shan’t go into as unless you’re into rugby and know the songs they sing you would probably be highly offended. For the first time in ages this is a rugby do I’ve attended where so far no one is naked (big well done for that lads) and it’s a bit of a relief because yes they’re nice lads but naked bar is not nice, clever, attractive and it’s certainly not big! 

After the singing we head home leaving everyone else getting pissed and muttering lucky cunts some of us have to work Sundays! 

We get back all the kids are asleep and the kebab has arrived. We eat and I talk Julie’s ear off before she heads home and we head to bed ready for the nice long night with the kids, who I might add have not woken fucking once for nanny. 

And that was that really :). 

Until next time 

Kate 😘

Back to school and routine.. 

I’ve been willing the kids back to school for two weeks. We’ve had two weeks of hectic, family, madness. Two weeks of fighting , two weeks of stress, two weeks of joy. 

Now it’s come to it I don’t want it. Don’t get me wrong some days I go to work just for the break and give the kids a kiss and cuddle at the door to breakfast club, tell them I love them and in my mind am thinking thank fuck for that the school can deal with them now. I’m not one to sugarcoat shit after all. Mostly though I drop them off and am filled with thoughts about someone else doing my job and how they can’t possibly do it as well as me. How their sympathy for a grazed knee in no way matches up to my magic kisses, how the lunches they make aren’t loving prepared with every thought about, down to how they like things arranged on their plates,  How I can’t wait for home time to go collect them and cherish that small window where  they come out and are excited to see me before they get distracted by each other. 

Monday was pretty non eventful bar me being ill so we will skip that. 

Tuesday I wake up I say wake up, have a huge battle to get everyone sorted, Chris does the lunches while I feed the boy child. B is refusing to get dressed so is doing school run in her pjs. oh how I wish I could do that without people looking at me like I am a tramp, although to be fair I’m sure people look at me like I’m a tramp for letting my kid do it.. Well for the record picking your battles is very wise especially early morning, and with a small ginger person with the attitude of a bumblebee that’s just been flicked. It’s just not worse the whirl wind of hell it will cause, twin the small ginger whirlwind with a boy child that is more miserable than he has ever been im sure and fuck it she can wear her pjs all bloody day if she wants. It’s R’s safari day at school and I’ve got to say I’m pretty impressed with my last minute effort she looks awesome :). And she is such a little poser. 

We get home and she has breakfast while he refuses and is just crying, not a little cry either. I cuddle him and he stops I go to the toilet and he starts screaming again. When I come back clinging to my leg apparently unable to let go. 

I try to take him to bed but he won’t settle for toffee although he’s clearly shattered, whyvthe fuck do kids do that if I could I would sleep whenever I’m tired. The stubborn little sods however don’t know to make the most of it because when you get to being a grown up you want to sleep but seem to never get to. 

He started signing Apple so I get him one and he’s calm (thank fuck for that) and I can go wash up… haha who the hell am I kidding this is what actually happened.. 

being the truly amazing mum I am I go and wash up, turn my music on and hope he calms down. He didn’t and I can tell you this now if you ever want to get housework done quickly just add in a screaming, over tired child and you get it done at the speed of light! I opened the gate and head back into the kitchen and again I’ve got a baby impersonating a koala on my leg 🙄

This whole situation is made harder for both of us because he can’t talk. So I’m getting to the “just tell me what you bloody want” stage and he is at the “why the hell isnt she doing what I want her to” stage! This shit is probably the hardest part of toddlerness when they know their mind and you know them, but they can’t verbalise and as much as you try and people say mums are you’re not a mind reader. Especially when that little mind changes more than British bloody weather! 

I have now come round to the idea that I’m going to end the day with a broken back from carrying a toddler around for the day. I give B the tablet because, well … I’m tired and she’s quiet when she has the tablet. The boy still doesn’t sleep but as long as I’m holding him he’s quiet. I did put him down to make a cup of tea and that also went awfully. 

The day passes in a blur of B demanding thing and being superglued to a small boy that wants something but who bloody knows what. I finally get him to sleep at about 2pm (I’ve never been so relieved about him napping as I was this day). B asked if nanny could come round and I’ve not seen her in ages so invite her for tea. She comes over around 2.45. The boy child typically the boy child wakes up at 3 right on time for school run. I’m going to be honest he’s woken up in as foul a mood as he fell asleep so like fuck am I taking him on school run if someone is here that can watch them. Nanny said se will watch them and so I pass the grumpy little sod to her and head to get the girls. 

R and G are amazingly happy to see me it’s really nice, I do feel bad as I’m clouded by the stress of the day and doing a pretty shit job of pretending to be interested and amazed by the pictures they’ve come home with. 

Then it gets interesting. We go to get A ! Now A told me the day they broke up from school that her egg didn’t win the paint an egg competition (how it didn’t I don’t know as it was eggcelent). In fairness I probably put more work into hers than she did so if anything I should of won. Anyway, she said that everyone in the class got a chocolate bar and a book but she didn’t as she was with her councillor.she was crying her little eyes out and I felt terrible for her and was fuming at her teacher. So today was the first day I was going to speak to her teacher about it. I walked up to her and said “A is really upset with you and I am also” she asked why I responded with, “well she was in counciling on the last day of school when everyone got chocolate and a book and she didn’t get any because you forgot her, now given she’s in counciling for a number of issues including low self esteeem im really upset that you could do that to her” I didn’t expect the reply I was met with… “I don’t know what you’re talking about only the winner got chocolate and a book”. Fuck my fucking life, I now want the ground to swallow me up and am as embarrassed as hell! My daughter decided it would be funny to lie to try get her teacher in trouble I can only presume as some sort of payback for not letting her win. I apologise and promise to deal with A when we get home. I try to talk to A about this and she is laughing at me, I explain it’s ok if she got confused she replies “I didn’t” spiteful little madam! So I send her to her room to think about how she will fix this and don’t let her down until dinner and then she goes straight to bed. Given the stubborn little madam she is she spends all week in her room. I give her plenty of oppertunities to understand how she has upset her teacher and myself and how she can apologise but she just won’t she genuinely doesn’t seem to care and finds it hilarious that I told her teacher off for something she didn’t do. 

I cook dinner and chris comes home. I go upstairs to try talk to A who is screaming she hates me, I’m mean, and she wishes I would die (cheers kid). As I do I hear the small boy in the hallway and run out to grab him. It’s to late.. I find myself and chris chasing after a small boy that’s rolling down the entire flight of stairs. It’s gong in slow motion but too quickly for either of us to stop it. On his way down he passes and nearly knocks over B also (who kindly left the gate open for him to get up even though she knows full well it’s to stay closed). Chris grabs him at the bottom and I go full mental mum! It’s like chris is a stranger and I’m clouded with worry for the child that has been bugging me all day. I was put my arms out to take the boy child and Chris was cuddling him trying to comfort him, I then started shouting at Chris “give me my fucking son” he replied calmly “he’s ok, he’s not bleeding and I’m just calming him down” I then shout more “seriously just give me my fucking son now” I lost all care of minding my language or volume because we have kids, it all just went. I was angry and terrified my heart racing like it never has before, sweating and in a little bubble of though that I was the only one that could comfort him. To be fair this small child that I had grown in my womb, protected and uses breast to comfort his every need was now in daddy’s arms happily laughing at him pulling stupid faces while checking him over for injuries. I do feel really sorry for Chris looking back, how the must of made him feel can’t of been nice. I still haven’t apologised to be honest and I’m not sure I will. Although I feel bad for essentially making him feel like he wasn’t good enough to comfort our son, I can’t bring myself to apologise for being worried about the boy child. Now the boy is calm and I’ve calmed a bit (helped by going outside while I called my friend who works at the hospital) I called 111 and got told to take him to a and e to be checked over. Nanny bless her who has just been comforting the others mainly B who is clearly upset because she left the gate open, then takes us to the hospital. He had a full inspection and I was interrogated to the point I felt like they thought I’d pushed him down the fucking stairs. The one thing about that I will say is as annoying as it is being questioned like that, it’s incredible and a good thing they’re so thorough for the sake of the child. He was happily playing and to be honest if anything the fall knocked some happy into him. This is the happiest I had seen him all day. 

They cleared him to go home and be monitored for concussion. We got back and nanny had her dinner and headed home. I stayed in his bed that night and laid up staring at him and poking him hourly while reliving the nightmare we had just endured over and over in my head. The girls went to bed really simply after I apologised for saying naughty words and shouting at daddy. I’m almost sure they only went to bed simply because they’ve never seen or heard me like that and it worried them poor girls. 

WEDNESDAY.. 

After literally zero sleep I’m like a fucking major mombie this morning. I explain to the girls mummy might not be so patient this morning because I’m tired and grumpy. To which R replies “it’s ok mummy we all get hangry” kids got a point we all do especially me. A has decided she’s not in enough trouble already and doesn’t want to go to school.. deep joy! I am exhausted and trying hard to be patient. I explain a good choice would be to get dressed and ready for school or a bad choice would be don’t and end up going to school in pjs. She chose the later until three seconds before we left the house when she got her superfast dressing skills out . Probably a good job because I had already been having a hard time with Gabriella who was crying because her sick has pins in it (the seem was annoying her) and so she couldn’t possibly wear any socks at all. It normally takes around an hour to get them sorted and it was a stupidly stressful hour at that. B didn’t want to wear any shoes , G didn’t want to wear socks A well she was being a royal pain in the butt, the boy child was hanging off my tit while I was trying to brush and put up the girls hairs (that shots hard for the record). I eventually got them to school. B decided on a more original breakfast this morning it consisted of carrot sticks, pepper and cucumber. Starbge child she is. 

Ah well she’s happy. The boy child is signing pancake at me. So I sort him out make lunch for later, out dinner in the slow cooker and get their bags ready for crèche as I’ve got a course this morning. 8.40 just as we are about to leave the door B decided she needed a poo so I send her up telling her to not be long , she is back in a flash waving shit covered fingers at me while saying “look mummy I wiped my own bum” clearly she did it well . So upstairs we head for a clothes change and wash. We get to nursery late and I take the boy child in to his room while giving B a kiss and a cuddle and encouraging her to go play with her friends. He screams and I mean hugely while I’m explaining to them he has to be monitored and handing them the concussion leaflet, B is stood at the gate and refusing to go into the bigger room. The boy child is now signing milk please just as I get an accident form to fill out the injuries occurred from his badly played superman impression on the stairs last night. So I’m sat with him hanging off me and filling out this form in the baby room at nursery. When he finishes i pass him to one of the staff and he kicks off again. I’m sure he thinks I’m leaving forever , B is now begging to come with me. I pass her to the nursery manager and feel terrible as the manger is telling me it’s fine and to go while being hit and kicked by this small, but incredibly strong ginger person of mine. I head to my course. 

I go get the kids and take them to the children’s centre for half hour while waiting to open up the breastfeeding support group I run there. My food friend Joan meets us there. 

When we are done we head to the centre to give the keys back and B decided she’s gunna kick off because she doesn’t want to go home. I’m dealing with her while telling the lady there to expect the normal call from the hospital about the boys fall. Joan is driving home so she gets in the car while I try to sort a now screaming small boy because he’s tired and a B that isn’t listening to a word I’m saying. Then a do hooded trying to help suggests to B that we race Joan home!!! I asked her to kindly not suggest things like that to my child and she questioned me. I’m sorry but what is it to do with her why I don’t want her suggesting things to my daughter I get she was trying to help, but she just successfully made our trip home even harder! Why oh why do people get involve . I eventually get B out the door and what does she do … runs off ahead because she is racing Joan home! Courtesy of the lady that felt the need to get involved! After about 2 minutes of trying to bargain with her (that seemed like fucking forever) I then tell her if she doesn’t stop she will have no treats for the rest of the week. The good old treats bribe a handy one to rely on in desperate times. She walks fairly well after that intermittently trying to dart off but a quick “young lady” in my mom voice reminds her of the no treats issue. The boy is still screaming. Typically 40 seconds from home this happens 🙄

So I have to stealth him into bed . Then time for a quick cuppa and school run. The dreaded time I have to face A’s poor teacher again liked with embarrassment. The girls come out all happy as normal I great them with cuddles and kisses. We the head to collect A. I stood as far as possible from the classroom for fear of having to face her teacher. We get home A is still in trouble so goes to her room the other two are tired and yelling at me for food . I say food , crisps or cake is the only food they consider acceptable when I tell them diners on they kick right off waking the boy. Now I have three crying kids and I’m peeling potatoes. Poor Joan ends up settling them all while I do dinner. We eat and she goes home. Chris and I start bedtime we let R stay up a little as she has been so good and A is kicking and throwing things in the bedroom ( I’m almost sure she’s going to start her periods soon). Next thing I know .. 

he does work hard bless him. 

The night went much as the previous and Thursday and Friday are pretty clouded with me working to be honest so for fear of writing the same things over and over again I will leave it at that for now. What I will say is yes I missed the kids Monday but by Wednesday I was glad to have them back at school I won’t lie. They either love eachother and are conspiring against us, Or hate eachother and are doing their best WWE impressions. Do any of you have any idea how hard it is to have to consciously hold back on saying l things like “just sod off and give me a fucking break for five minutes you little shit” because it’s not socially acceptable nor beneficial to say to children. It’s mentally exhausting holding back and reminding myself they’re children that I love with all my heart and although they’re challenging at times they are learning and doing fucking amazingly at it. It will be well worth it as long as they grow into decent and kind adults I guess and I’ll be willing them to be scaring , upsetting and exhausting me again before I know it. 

Thanks for reading. 

Until next time . 

Kate 😘

My review on Sophie’s little prints. 

So I found a little business called Sophie’s little prints. Their pictures pulled me in straight away. 

Now having five kids I’m always looking out for a bargain deal on pictures of the kids for the wall. I like these to be original and unique because let’s face it no body wants something everyone has, but that normally comes at a cost. The name of the business pulled me in to start with as it reminded of one of those little shabby chic shops you find tucked away on a high street. Where you can get little things that are hand made and beautifully so. 

With only 150 odd followers I was jubious but none the less, intrigued. Having a scroll through I found she’s not been running long which explains the small following. While having a browse and reading reviews I realised she was so much more than just little prints, there are all sorts of wonderful things on there from invites and business cards to posters. 

So I bit the bullet and messaged her. Petrified of how much it was going to set me back because the prints she shows on her page look rather pricey. Sophie replied promptly and professionally. Which bought huge bonus points in my eyes as I’m massively inpatient. 

I was shocked to say the least to discover she only charged £6.50 per a4 print and discounted it as I wanted five. Sophie informed me she applies a discount for orders containing more than three items which is great in itself. 

Now those that follow me, may know all my babies were premature and I wanted something to show how much they had grown. Sophie was amazing I went in with a simple idea and left the work to her. I suggested a print with pictures of my children at birth and of them now with their weights, ages and dates of birth, One for each child. Still slightly weary about the fact they’re not costing a lot and the business being relatively new. I decided to give it a go, I mean what’s the worst that can happen at £6.50 a print? I sent the pictures and information and paid for the prints via PayPal. 

I expected to wait a few days before hearing anything, but that evening I got a message saying she was starting my prints! I was shocked it was that quick. Throughout Sophie designing and making my prints she informed me and sent me pictures of her progress. She started with the boy child’s and it had grey hearts on the background it was beautiful and then she started the girls they also had a grey heart background. I asked if they could possibly be pink hearts and she did as I wished and then suggested changing the boy child’s to blue. I didn’t even think of that. 

When we were both happy with the spellings , details, etc she sent me copy’s of the finished prints before she printed. They were amazing so I gave her the go ahead to print. She then sent a copy of A’s one printed and I realised I had sent it with the spelling of her middle name wrong (damn auto correct). Without hesitation, although she had already printed it she re printed with the correct spelling and double checked all the rest before printing them. 

As you can see I have blocked out their dates of birth but that’s for my own reasons, that’s not how the prints came obviously. 

Once printed I got a picture of them complete and assured they would be posted the following morning. They looked so much better on paper than the computer versions I had reviewed. I was so pleased. 

Again I took this with a pinch of salt about the posting. I then recieved an inbox via Facebook with the postage receipt. I was over the moon. They were on their way. 

The next day the postman came with a hard backed envelope stating do not bend on it. I assumed it would be something I had ordered from eBay, Didnt for one minute think my prints would of arrived already. I was wrong they were here and so much more amazing than they looked over Facebook. Firstly they were printed on card and I thought they would be on paper, the colours brighter, the pictures better quality and I couldn’t wait to get them into frames. 

I headed off to her page and thanked Sophie, before running to matalan to purchase some frames. I managed to get the frames for a fiver each so pretty cheap and well worth it. I got home and before I did anything else I popped the pictures in and am amazed truly amazed at the quality and they’re incredible in frames. They really are perfect, everything I asked for and more. I can’t thank Sophie enough for the quick and amazing service she provided at an incredible price. Now all I need to do is get them on the wall. 


As you can see they really are amazing. 

So if you’re looking for something beautiful, original, personal and made to a great standard then check the page out . You can find her at Sophie’s little prints on Facebook. The link is https://www.facebook.com/sophieslittleprints/

Many thanks 

Kate 😘 

Side note.. I have blocked out the dates of births myself this is not how the prints came. 

Week two of half term. Is it time to go back to school yet? 

Don’t get me wrong I love extra time with the kids over half terms but my god is it shattering, especially when having to work too. Then there is the fact the kids either get on and do stuff they shouldn’t , or fight and scream at each other constantly, the late nights, the more relaxed routine (that isn’t in anyway more relaxed if anything it’s more fucking stressful) , the more mess to clean up or the mum in me feels I have to find things for us to do everyday, because I don’t want them going back to school and not being able to tell their friends about their adventures. Is physically and mentally draining. The extra cuddles and time spent with the kids make up for it most of the time to be fair, but In all honesty though Monday can’t come quick enough now. Although when Monday does come I will feel bad for writing this (at least for a moment or two). The second week was much like the first with having to rely on good friends to help with the kids. So a massive thankyou to those that have helped. Not many people want five kids while I go to work for twelve hours , they don’t want to get up at stupid o’clock to look after them especially. Which is understandable especially given my kids can be a handful, although typically they’re all fucking angels for other people (if someone could teach them how to be like that at home too would be great)  so I do really appreciate the help I get. 

Monday.. 

I swapped my late shift for an early today because it was more beneficial for work and meant we could go out with the kids in the afternoon. Chris is off today as it’s a bank holiday so he has the pleasure of the little shit bags for the morning. We get up I get myself sorted for work , including packing a spare set of clothes to change after work, the kids stay in pjs as they typically got up late (couldn’t of done that on my day off hey!) and he takes me to work. A decided at 7.20 she wanted to come with me so gets herself dressed super fast and comes to work with me for the morning. I would tell you what they got up to in the morning, but that would mean finding the time to actually have a conversation with him which is impossible with how busy our life is, most nights we are lucky to even sleep in the same bed let alone have a chat. So anyway I do my shift (and it was an awesome shift) , finish , gets changed and chris picks me up with the kids . We then head to ploughmans garden centre it’s awesome there the kids love it. However I didn’t get any pictures as I was to busy trying to stop the kids pulling all the breakable stuff over and reminding myself it’s not socially acceptable to put them on leads while looking at all the beautiful garden things that no way in hell can we afford because yes we both work, but we also have a small army that eat and shit in our money. That’s right people kids are expensive little shits and always need something so if you go to work as a parent thinking you’ll be able to buy more things for your home or you, I will warn you now that won’t happen. As parents we also have this stupid inbuilt conscience that seems to put a block on us buying ourselves anything nice because although you may have the money, you feel the kids could use that new pair of sandals more (although they’ve got five pairs already). So anyway yeah we are at ploughmans , we go to see my grandparents who own the owls the kids hold and cuddle the owls, we then go on the steam train, back to the owls and head home . B convinced us to go to the bumpy road, it’s a massive road with loads of shitty hills that make you feel like you’re going to vom on you’re lap at any point called matchems lane (things we do for the kids ey). They’re all laughing their heads off on the journey down the road though and although really bloody loud is awesome to hear. We got home , had dinner , baths and bedtime routine. Chris takes the small girls as usual while I take the small boy child. The other two sit watching tv. They settle relatively well, then R and A are left and this is where shit gets interesting. A has decided she shall not even think about bedtime because she’s eight, you know! She is too big to be told when her bedtime is or asked to go to bed. She however in her quest to not go to bed turns into a bloody toddler, answering back, screaming, stamping , waving her arms around like an octopus on fucking LSD, jumping up and down. This carries on for a good half an hour until I eventually get her into bed now before R because she will intentionally keep R awake, she’s lost all technology privalidges for Tuesday. Have you ever tried to stay calm when you’ve a child that’s old enough to know better acting like a two year old? That shits hard, very fucking hard. I think I deserve some sort of award. Eventually she calms down and R has put herself in our bed so she can get some rest, bless her she hears it go quiet and asks if she can go to her own bed. So off she goes all is quiet for now. How the hell standing on a floor board can wake the three small kids up but a screaming , shouting, eight year old does not is beyond me, But for now everyone is sleeping. The night goes as usual B wakes up with tummy ache. We are at the point with this that we think it’s more habit than actual pain now because it’s every day. So we get some squash on a medicine spoon and magic she’s asleep again (good old placebo). Then the boy child wakes for the first of what seems like about 30,000 times. Until eventually I get into his bed. 

Tuesday.. 

I’m just gunna whack this in here it’s now actually the following Wednesday, but my week has been so good damn busy I don’t even remember if I’ve had time to poo let alone write. Infact this is how I’m currently writing .. multitasking pro hey?? 

So as it’s half term the kids couldn’t possibly lay in and instead get up at the absolute arse crack of dawn…. again. This time the boy child is still asleep and so I send them back to play for a bit until he wakes up. Lasted all of ten minutes before I hear….”mum B popped in my face” from R .. popped, in our house is the child equivalent of farted but I don’t like the word fart , no idea why, I just don’t. So I reluctantly remove myself from the warm, cozy, bed that has improsoned me, to find out why one child has felt the need to expel over 300 poo particles into another’s face! I ask what happened and B states “she wouldn’t play with me, now I’m not her best friend” .. I go on to explain why it’s not acceptable to pop in other people’s faces and they are sisters and a team and should play nicely. Whilst in my head I’m giving B an imaginary high five for her creativeness (you’ve got to admit that shit is funny, excuse the pun). So anyway I’m up now, and we head downstairs I go through the usual what do you want for breakfast and everyone wants something we haven’t got. Eventually they all settle for corn flakes with sugar. Corn flakes are the only cereal I allow them to have sugar on and that’s only because I can’t able arsed buying Frosties as well as corn flakes. At this point the boob monster is demanding the boob he’s so desperately missed for the whole three hours he’s been solidly asleep. I bring him downstairs and feed him then go for my morning poo(this time I lock the door no kid is ruining this moment for me). However I do come down to this  i think there is five kids in there somewhere. I then tell the girls to get dressed , while I dress the boy child and we do some colouring after. Sounds good right? Well there is five of them and only two pink pencils. Note to all the mums out there always buy enough for one per child, it’s just not worth the stress. They’re fighting and playing tug of war with the pencils, yes that’s right bloody pencils. So I do the whole “but you’re colouring grass so you don’t need pink you need green with that triggered “but I want to colour the flowers”.. really?! Because clearly flowers can’t be anything but pink obviously ?! After about ten minutes they’re all colouring one item each with four different colours. Then I get a text that reads “I’ll be over about lunchtime” … bollocks! I completely forgot Lyn was coming over with the kids and they’re camping in the garden tonight. I ask her to grab some extra mince , Bolegnense sauce and pasta so I can make enough dinner for all of us. It’s the boy child’s nap time, for the girls that means tv and tablet time just to keep them quiet so I can get him to sleep. I take him up feed him and get him to sleep on my return downstairs they’re now fighting over the tablet. That’s it I’ve had enough of the fighting and it’s only 9.30am. So I suggest going in the garden and they all do. That gives me time to clean, the boy child to sleep and the best part… some quiet for half hour at least until the “mum I need to pee” “mum I need a drink” “mum she did this” starts. I clean up and make a cuppa that for the first time since I can remember I can drink hot. It’s amazing the things you take for granted before you have kids hey? He sleeps until lunchtime while I am out in the sun and the kids are all being good. I might add they’re only being good because when they’re in the garden they’re all off doing their own thing and staying away from eachother. Anyway the boy wakes I make lunch and we chill for a little bit. Then Lyn , Jaff and the kids turn up with a massive tent part of me is petrified 8 kids overnight in the garden with one adult the other part relieved, because we may have half a chance of getting a reasonable sleep. They’re all excited to “camp” Lyn and Jaff put the tent up while I make dinner and get ready for work. I’ve decided there is no way in hell im letting eight kids eat spag Bol in my lounge firstly Isaacs allergic and secondly I can’t be arsed to clean it up so they have a picnic dinner and we make out it is amplifying the camping experience for them (parenting hack there saves mess inside and the birds, cats or some other animal is sure to eat the mess left). We eat and Chris gets back, he then takes me to work. I tell the girls enjoy camping , I will miss you and I’ll be honest I do hope they enjoy it, I will miss them but I’m deeply hoping they don’t escape the tent, or knock on my window in the night. At least at work my anxiety won’t bother me as I’ll be busy. 

I get home from work about 11.45pm and before I do anything I go and investigate the tent situation, making sure I can’t hear any awake kids etc. I spot two unopened cans of cider outside it which Chris has clearly left making me think he must of thought Lyn needed them she however didn’t drink them. I get inside and text her “I hope everything’s ok out there” she replies “yup everyone’s asleep but all huddled on Me” I laugh so much I nearly wake the boy. I express then head to bed, Chris isn’t there he is up with the boy child. Haha sucker that’s me getting a decent sleep at least. (He is a good guy). I get into bed where I starfish and cherish every moment of it so much so I can’t sleep. Then I can’t sleep because I want to bring my babies in and end up having a debate with myself about given them a chance to have fun and not ruining it because of my anxiety and I eventually fall asleep and stay asleep ALL night. That’s right I slept all night! I don’t think anyone else did however. 

WEDNESDAY… 

Im going to be honest, Wednesday is a bit of a blur I woke up more tired than I would of been if I was up half the night. Why the hell does that happen? I do know I spent most of it in the garden with Lyn and the kids. Just after lunch my mum turns up and takes the girls for the evening so I can work Thursday. Then Lyn and Jaff go to and it’s just me and the boy child for a while (weird experience that was). I cleaned up and that’s about it. Oh actually something great happened today some prints I ordered arrived, but I’ll write about those seperatly. He went to bed relatively simply, but proceeded to wake up every hour through the night. In the end I stayed up there until about 4.30am where I went down and woke chris to take over so I could get a couple hours sleep. 

Thursday… 

I got up and had a feeling of what it would be like to just have one child, it makes me uneasy, it’s relatively straight forward, stress free and that just isn’t right! I get him to nursery and go to work. 

Chris is working by me so brings me home and This is the most odd experience yet. It’s just me and Chris. We have a couple of hours us time and it’s weird but nice. I will spare you the details of what we got up to, but you can imagine haha. Sorry to our parents if you’re reading this.. (That’s a lie I’m not really sorry) 

He heads to get the boy child from nursery. Chris and the boy child get back and I start the boob and bed routine while Chris goes to rugby. As I sit wondering where the girls are as they should be back around now I hear noise outside. Mums back with the kids. Wondering why she hasn’t come in with them I go downstairs and start cleaning up while they’re all playing in the garden before I pop outside for some “air”. At which point I hear .. “what the hell are you doing home” like I’m not welcome at my own house haha. She didn’t think I finished until 8 and was waiting for chris to get back from nursery because his car wasn’t there haha. She comes in with the kids and as usual the moment I say “make sure you’re quiet your brothers in bed” it’s like someone presses the infanate volume button and each one of the four girls goes full volume. I con mum into helping me get them to bed before she leaves in return for a cuppa I completely forgot to make her (sorry mum). She heads home and I clean up ( i swear I’m forever fucking cleaning up). It’s like the kids walked In and created a tonrnado without touching anything! I host my breastfeeding hour on the McParents Page and head to bed ready for the whirlwind night ahead. Me and chris again split the wakings between us. 

FRIDAY… 

We got up late .. whoops, I got ready for work as did chris. My friends Sally and dan turned up With little E and C at 7.30am to watch the girls and we went to work. (Thankyou so much guys for helping out)  When I get home all the kids where in bed asleep as was Chris however the house was a state to the point I did wonder if they had killed him. He does a lot in the house and with the kids in fairness, is tired and the amount of times he gets home and the house is a mess I can’t really moan. Although I think about it while cleaning the kitchen, I don’t I leave him asleep, pack for kas’ tomorrow, then head to bed. 

Saturday.. 

Earlier in the week I decided to invite me, Chris and the kids to Kas’ again as you do! Because Chris had rugby out of town so as gunna take us on the way and come stay with us when he was done. Me and Kas also invited Kerry (another mcparents admin) and a couple other admins that where close. Only Kerry could come though the others couldn’t warrant the travel unless they could stay and Kas’ house just isn’t big enough. However we have agreed we need a mass meet up and have a few admin weddings and birthdays coming up (look out for those blogs they will be interesting to say the least). 

So yeah Chris decides we have to leave super early so he can have a sleep in the car before rugby. Luckily we packed most things last night and so are up and out the door at 8.30. He drops me off by 10.45 and we breeze in like we own the place as you do. Haha . Chris stays for a bit and runs Wayne to the shop before he heads off to rugby. The kids are off playing already so we are sorted pretty much. It’s funny how it’s less stressful with more kids than less don’t you think? They go see the ducks, while me and Kas sit and catch up between chasing the boy child around for fear he will hurt himself as his new favourite toy is the back door. R’s tooth is twisted because it’s so lose but is stuck between her tooth next to it and the adult tooth behind it so Kas convinces R to let her help it out (by convinces I mean we bribed her because it’s hurting her) after about fifty failed attempts we have a tooth out and no longer annoying R. Watching it was hilarious (how I wish I could upload a video to this). The amount of times the string slipped off until finally it stayed on and Kas had hold of the string and R moved backwards and didn’t even notice she had pulled the tooth herself. 

 Then the door goes… it’s Kerry, Mike , P and little A (Kerry informs us she has forgotten wine so we toy with the idea of not letting her in but we are nice so dont send her away) I’m so excited to meet them and it’s like  we’ve known eachother years we all chat and laugh , while the boy has turned to Velcro and won’t leave my side. The kids are playing nicely in the garden, they really are a great bunch of kids (when they’re getting on at least) well bar the couple of 8 turned 18 year olds that are hiding in the bedrooms on laptops and xboxes. I’ve got to say I want Kerry’s top “stressed but well dressed” it’s amazing. And Wayne is a clever man he made the see saw himself the kids loved it.

We enjoy a lush BBQ cooked by Wayne it was so nice. Then it’s time for Kerry and her bunch to go :(.. we promise her wine so we make her down a glass before she leaves while we pour one for ourselves. Weget the  smalls ready for bed they’re all filthy, but you know what they’re exhausted so a wet wipe wash it is for now. Chris gets back and helps with bedtimes. We get them in at a reasonable time although only the small three are asleep the rest are quiet and settled. So we head back to the garden with Wayne and Chris. Pour another glass and start an adult evening. It’s a massive laugh we have great fun. The kids are now all asleep and Me and kas get a bit camera happy haha. Sending the other admins an abundonce of selfies as you do. 

Most looking very much like this. Because well we don’t get to adult much. We head to bed around 1am and suddenly realise we forgot to be the fucking tooth fairy. So now we have to full on stealth mode past loads of kids to get some money and a note under the pillow for R , by we I mean me and kas haha. She writes a note and we head on up. She has the creakiest floor boards I’ve ever fucking known and how we didn’t get caught between the floor boards and our mildly tipsy state is beyond me (I feel the need to add chris and Wayne are not tipsy as chris has to drive and Wayne is on strong painkillers) but we manage. Kas is a much better person then me with her thoughtful note. I was literally just going to write , well done on your first tooth love the tooth fairy. Haha. 

And we head to bed but not before Wayne is walking down the stairs to get something and trips (he didn’t fall before you think we are as evil as he does) and we literally wet ourselves laughing at the poor bloke. He has a bad back and we are trying to unbelievably hard not to laugh, but it’s hilarious at the time and we are howling. Until we are snapped back to reality by the kids stirring and we scuttle off to bed still sniggering. He was not happy with us for laughing as (although we didn’t realiseat the  time) he hurt his back more doing so. Me and Chris have a double(if you can call it that haha) and a single air bed so he takes the single and I take the double because we won’t both fit on one. Until he resorts to the sofa as he is uncomfortable. 

Sunday.. 

4am, yes 4 bloody am B wakes up and I’m so scared she will wake everyone else like last time I bring her down with me and we snuggle on the air bed, although she thinks it’s a bouncy castle and everytime one of us moves the other goes flying haha. The boy actually slept all night. The others didn’t wake until around 7.30 either and played upstairs B and the boy child wake around 8, by about 8.30 me and Chris are surrounded by a farm of children all asking for food. Kas gets up (thank fuck for that because I was about to let them eat everything she owned) and they all eat I say eat, more like feast and me and chris pack our stuff up ready to go. Trying to get the kids dressed is beyond a task something that normally doesn’t take that long takes an hour and a half nearly! About 11 we say our goodbyes and head home to get ready for the first day back at school tomorrow. 

We get home and Chris goes shopping with R to get her new school shoes , all the girls new lunch  boxes and food. He takes B with him also telling her she isn’t getting anything as we can’t afford it, but she can go with him as she is upset he’s going. Leaving me with the boy child, G and A, who are all tired and miserable. I put the boy child to bed and G and A play on the tablet and a phone purely to keep them awake and happy. About 1pm my dad turns up to see the kids , im exhuasted because sleeping in an air bed just doesn’t work with a four year old and they’re so loud. He is so good with the kids they play for ages before dinner is done and are all having a great time. They love it when grandad comes as do I.  We all eat and he heads home while we bath the kids and get them to bed ready for school. Bedtime went relatively smoothly In all honesty though they’re all to exhausted to fight it and know I’m to exhausted to put up with any playing up at bedtime. When they’re in bed me and Chris get everything ready for school and work and head for an early night. 

So yeah that was week two of half term and I’m totally and utterly, mentally and physically exhuasted as is Chris. Thank fuck for back to school, the kids are fed up of eachother and I’m fed up of them being fed up of eachother. They miss and need the routine and  structure of a school week to function even slightly normally. Although I do have to say the extra time and cuddles have been amazing. 

Again thankyou hugely to the people that helped us out. Without your help we wouldn’t both be able to work and keep the kids happy. We really appreciate it. 

Until next time :). 

Much love 

Kate