So you know I have five children , well only two are biologically Chris’ although he brings up the others like his own. He is amazing with them he really is.
A’s dad isn’t around, but that’s his loss if I’m honest and I don’t feel it appropriate to talk about the circumstances surrounding that.
G and R’s dad he has them every other weekend and is great with them. We co- parent and it works.. Why ? Because we appreciate the needs of our children.
We have not been without our issues, don’t get me wrong. We didn’t work as a couple and I don’t think ever would of. When I met Chris he was understandably dubious. He said his piece and I listened because that’s what good parents do, talk to each other. He is a much better friend and father as I am a better friend and mother now we are both in our own relationships and not in one together.
Co-parenting when done right is amazing for the kids. There are times when I could kill him (like when he bought the girls furbys and sent them home with them for instance) as I’m sure there are when he could me. How ever we do not allow the girls to see that we are upset with each other. It shouldn’t be their issue they’re kids after all. Him and Chris get on really well although it took a while for them to warm to each other, understandably. I have met and got along with his previous partner infact me and her are still friends and she is still a part of our children’s lives. Which again is great for the kids they love being able to still see her. He and Chris talk like they’re good friends and appreciate each others roles in the girls lives. The girls chose a while ago to call chris Daddy they where very small when he came into their lives we have always made it clear if they don’t want to anymore at any time that’s fine (although I know this would upset Chris deep down) we completely understand and appreciate it’s their decision. Their dad wasn’t pleased to begin with and I don’t blame him nor does Chris. Over time he was fine with it and now they have “daddy what lives in a little flat (they made this themselves and he no longer lives in a little flat) and daddy chris and we are all ok with this.
Imagine what would go through our children’s heads if we were insulting each other and argueing around them , the confusion of why people they loved so much were so awful to each other would be awful. The feeling that we are trying to put things in their head about the other person would be unimaginable. Their little minds are so so fragile and moulded so easily it’s just not worth it.
We have been seperated over five years now and it wasn’t always this way. There was a time we couldn’t stand the sight of each other but tolerated each other and grunted at each other with the handover of the children more than really spoke to each other . Now it’s different, very different and so much better for the kids. Every birthday, Christmas and Mother’s Day he ensures I get a gift from the girls (Chris gets gifts for me from all of the children and he does the cards) and I do the same for him. Birthdays and Christmas’ he comes over and sees the girls and chats with us, helps them open their presents and we have a great time all together, he even makes sure he brings a little Gift for A, B and the small boy child which he does voluntarily. He comes to the girls parties every year and again we have a great time he chats to the kids friends parents, my parents and nine times out of ten I turn around and him and Chris are babbling some bollocks about rugby between themselves . I can call him up and ask him for school tops, shoes or anything else important the girls might need and if he can afford to do so he will get them. The girls can call him at any time day or night if they want to and can me when they are with him. If I’m not about or at work He will call Chris to sort drop off/pick ups for the kids, will help on weekends if we want to make plans as we do for him. He knew I couldn’t afford the kids school photos this year and was devestated as it was G’s first ever school photo and he bought me some beautiful framed prints . Just as last year I knew he was struggling and so I got him some of the children’s school photos. We work together we help each other out Showing our kids as adults you can be apart, be in new relationships, but can all parent together .
We all appreciate each other in the relationship we have driven and surrounding our children. I couldn’t imagine what would go through the children’s heads if daddy that lives in a little flat and daddy chris hated each other and didn’t work together , or if myself and their dad couldn’t work together. We have made it work for the children because they deserve so much more than to be stuck in the middle of anything. Look at days like today when I explained that R was being bullied at school, she then got the same expectations and support from all three of us backing up what one another had said (although I did have to tell Chris and P that telling R to fight back wasn’t going to help bloody men haha). He had dinner with us and the girls and they loved it. This co-parenting relationship confuses some people I get a lot of “but he’s your ex” “how do him and Chris tolerate each other” “it’s weird having your ex over at Christmas” but it’s not about me and Chris nor is it about me and P it’s about the children. The children that from this are learning , love, appreciation and nurture from us. Below is a picture of R and G excited that daddy came for dinner.
We are adults that parent together , we make it work for them and I strongly believe our children will be better for it. When they grow up they won’t remember people arguing, they will remember Tena work, and people working together to support, love and protect them.