Ha who am I kidding nothing is ever simple when you’ve got kids. Even the task of organising the trip is bloody exhausting.
We took the kids out this morning to help them learn to ride their bikes. Good fun right? … wrong.
A is petrified of her bike that she begged for, for Christmas. So she spends the entire time saying “I can’t do it can we go home” while actually doing it 🙄 . We encourage her and egg her on, but that doesn’t help. This is totally our fault for not getting them out on their bikes more but she’s nearly 9 and can’t ride even with stabilisers so we are really trying to help her.
B can’t actually reach the pedals on her bike (although it’s the smallest kids bike they do) and so we take her trike and the small boy child walks… well we thought he would. The small boy child although we’ve only been out five minutes is now being carried because he’s tired! We have a good time for a while B is screaming with excitement and A is still moaning about not being able to ride the bike that she is currently successfully riding. B decides the boy child can try out her trike me and Chris are surprised by this and give her massive praise for being so kind. It turns out though she didn’t mean it. We put him on the trike and she straight away grabs the handle “it’s mine give it back, get him off” and then does the classic floor drop and kick the shoes off trick , while we are out in public (cheers kid). Its relatively quiet, but a few people go passed and I can see them staring and whispering I know what they’re thinking. It took every ounce of my strength not not scream “what’s the matter never seen an upset kid before” but I didn’t I kept my mum cool while standing by B asking her how she was ever possibly going to get back on her trike while laid on the floor with no shoes on and secretly wanting the world to swallow me up. Eventually she gets up, puts her shoes back on and starts chasing after Chris, A and the boy child who are by now a good way from us.
It’s clear they’re all getting tired so we head home.
I forgot I promised the girls a treat and so decide the cinema is a good idea. Before we even get there this is a mammoth task and within minutes I regret my decision, but there is no backing out now. Trying to find seats so the four year old will be able to see (knowing full well she probably won’t watch most of it anyway) in itself took an hour. Trawling through the website looking at different viewings, screens and seating plans. I eventually settled on the kids screen knowing that if she was a monkey as usual then she wouldn’t be the only one and worst case I could go sit in the embarrassed parents corner with the other parents of devil children. Getting them ready to go bearing in mind I was only taking A and B again took forever. A didn’t want to brush her hair , while B wanted to prance around naked and the boy child (who was going out with Chris) screamed everytime I tried to put his socks on. Finally A sorted her hair , B got dressed and I gave up with the boy Childs socks and we get in the car. We took my friend Hannah with us as she wanted to see the film and had asked a couple hours before if we were free. Below is a picture of a child that doesn’t want to brush her hair haha.
Me, Hannah and the girls went for a Nando’s first as Chris had to meet his brothers and mum that wasn’t to bad to be fair (if you discount B using her juice as gravy for her food completely disregarding me asking her not to. I’m really impressed with the fact they cleaned down their grills and got the manager to deal with our order because of the allergies. We eat and still have half hour to spare so pop outside with the girls for some air and to people watch oh how I love people watching. While our we see these two women sat in a giant white stone (aptly named the selfie stones by A) making all sorts of weird and wonderful duck faces when in actual fact they were beautiful and the duck faces made them look a tad silly but hey each to their own I guess. We head into the cinema and I get our pre booked tickets for the perfectly placed seats while B is destroying the other ticket machine because it’s touch screen and what kid doesn’t like anything that’s touch screen (sorry odeon) and then proceeds to run around in excitement picking up every packet of sweets she can on the way round. We then have a stand off about how many packets of sweets she’s allowed, I say 1 she says 10 it took more will power than you can imagine to stick to my guns and finally she picks one and puts the rest back while A is flaunting her smarties around winding B up because B is lactose intolerant and isn’t allowed anything with milk in. Finally we get all our stuff and head to the screen. We get ourselves comfy and B runs off mega excited and like she’s eaten ten bags of skittles because there’s a play area in front of the screen. While I plod off to the bar and get a small wine topped with a lot of lemonade just to give me the feeling I’m having a real glass of wine and help me through would could potentially be a very stressful 129 minutes. (Isn’t this the best cinema ever!) When I get back B is still really excited running up to us then Down to play over and over again as she just can’t decide what to do bless her. The films starting and she’s sat with me for a while before she goes off to play while A’s sat ingrossed in the film then it goes quiet and all everyone hears is “mum my bum bum hurts” shouted from the play area as loud as she possibly could que my face turning pinker than a baboons butt (Aren’t kids just the greatest). She comes back up for a cuddle I give her bum a rub and all is well with the world again. Five minutes later she needs to pee so we go to the toilet where she covers herself in water and then cries telling me it’s my fault the tap was too fast. She’s dries off and we head back in. she goes back off to play and I go and join A and Hannah until at the next quiet moment she yells again from the front as loud as she can “mum I need a poo, I’m gunna poo myself”.. If someone could explain to me why children wait until it’s quiet to shout these things that would be great! I walk down to get her apologising to every person I pass for my daughter telling the world about her bowel functions. When we get back she sits with us because “the beast is scary”. When she does go back to play she starts climbing on the edges of the play area so I signal to her to get down and as usual get ignored. I head down to her to explain why it’s dangerous and without thinking when I pass another parent say “I’m really sorry I’ve just got to give my child and asbo” automatically I regretted that sentence, it’s one of the ones you accidentally think out loud. I am however relieved when she says “no it’s my child that needs one” we giggle together for a second. To that mum – thankyou it’s nice to know I’m not the only one that feels this way sometimes. I do the whole explain why it’s dangerous etc to B and she settles and sits down to watch the film in the play area. It goes quiet again , I’m dreading what’s going to come out of B’s mouth this time, and there it is she shouts but to my surprise she melts my heart shouting “mummy I love you to the moon and back” I forget how many people are trying to watch the film and shout back I love you baby girl. Myself and Hannah then start to find it amusing that people are getting frustrated with all the kids playing, they’re not being disruptive (well bar B shouting intermitantly) and lets face it what do you expect when you book a “kids screen” After about 15 pee breaks for B it’s around ten minutes away from the end of the film typically A decides she needs to pee seconds after I’ve just got back with B. So I tell her to hold it for a short while and she asks Hannah who says the same and explains the films nearly finished and she does reluctantly, she does this everytime we go to the cinema. We manage to catch the end of the film before Hannah takes her and I battle it out with a 4 year old that doesn’t want to leave the play area. I am secretly screaming “please child just put the god damn things on and listen to me for once” inside, as she is refusing to put her shoes and socks on when she finally does I have to carry her becaise she point blank refuses to walk and I don’t want the floor drop, not here, not now.
Chris is waiting outside for us and so we get in the car and head home. When we get back P is waiting with the other two girls, I’ve missed them so much this weekend and am so glad to see them . I’m met with R excitedly telling me she’s got something for me but I’m not aloud it yet holding a pink envelope and G trying to get me to open the pink envelope she also has for me until P tells them no they’re not for today and they run off and hide them (here’s hoping they can be found again as I’ve still not found the glasses they hid from me three months ago haha).
Then comes bedtime (oh the joys) Chris is battling a squirming, screaming over tired B to get her pjs on while I sort the boy child who decides to run off butt naked and refuses to come back as he’s far to busy trying to figure out what the hell is hanging off of him (his boy bits) that he’s never noticed before now. A gets herself ready for bed and R and G are already in their pjs. Chris takes B and G up to bed while I take the boy child who is litterally just demanding the milk makers, acting like he’s been starved for the entire 5 hours he’s been away from me. I’m feeding him in his room and he’s decided the way to get milk quicker is try to break the skin with his bloody nails (fucking wonderful I now look like I’ve been breastfeeding a baby bear). I leave him in his bed and come back ten minutes later to this haha. Clearly he’s not figured out this bed lark yet. We then send R and A who both go without any problems. They get in and settled and the night wakings begin from B Chris goes the first time to settle her. Then takes Hannah home in the meantime B us awake again and crying but won’t say why. Anyone else find it really annoying how us parents are expected to be bloody mind readers?
She’s now settled again after waking 3 times already and I’ve sat to write this. Until I physically can’t keep my eyes open any longer. Speaking of not being able to keep my eyes open, that’s me for the evening. I’m tired, grumpy and me and Chris will likely be up hourly if not more with one child or another, after a long day.
See you next time