I don’t even have a title for this shit 

Today has been a shit day to be honest. I don’t even have a title for this blog because, well in all honesty it’s a whole bunch of shit stuff rolled into one shitty blog . 

It all started when I woke up at 6.38am after about 3 hours sleep to a child demanding the milk makers. As much as I love him and I love breastfeeding I really wasn’t up for this, this morning. I woke up with a massive head cold feeling like satan himself had crept into my body overnight and was trying to exit my body from every snotty point he could. Anyhow being the good parent I am I got up and fed the small boy child then, when I realised he wasn’t going back to sleep I came downstairs where chris took over, got up with him and A and B woke also, so he took care of them to. Most Saturday mornings he lets me lay in after feeding the small boy child until whenever I can be arsed to get up to be honest. This morning his words were “you’ve got an hour” fair play to him as I can’t remember the last time he had a lay in on a Saturday morning. So I rush my lazy arse back to sleep until 7.48am when I woke to B telling me daddy was teaching her to ride her bike and he was out in the garden with them. However I was pissed I could of had another half hours sleep if she hadn’t of woken me. Then in he strolls “can you feed the small boy child and put him to bed” so of course I do, as Let’s face it unless chris can miraculously lactate I’m the only one that can do that. I feed him put him to bed and then stroll for my morning “fresh air” and see how well the girls are doing on their bikes. It’s amazing to see it really is 🙂 the girls are so proud and can’t wait to show me. 

So anyway I watch and encourage them as you do while part of me is so pleased for them the other part is really wishing I was still In bed because this parenting lark is tiring business. They come in and do their thing and me and chris start tackling their apparent bedrooms (I say aparent as they more resemble squaters dens). The small boy child has been a proper little weirdo and picking off and eating the paint on his cot so we now have to take him out of it as obviously it’s unsafe. He clearly doesn’t realise he is allergic to almost everything so eating this probably isn’t helpful. See picture below for evidence.. 

So I rearrange his room and make him a floor bed for now while Chris tackles B’s room. He has a cot bed but it’s not here at the moment and to be fair I feel better about a floor bed as he won’t fall out of it. I even made it so there is his section and an adult, for when either im feeding him or chris settling him (we’ve got to have comfort to you know). I’m pretty pleased with it to be fair. 

Obviously he has the bigger mattress with the cool as fuck elephant pillow (not that he will ever actually use it) and duvet and we get the shitty normal pillow and no duvet .. 

So yeah Chris put a load of crap in the loft and sorted G and B’s bedroom. I got the better end of the deal here as standing on their carpet let alone seeing it in their bedroom is a luxury. At this point A has decided she is bored and so has turned into some sort of mutated version of the nice self she has been this week (I knew it would wear off) and is shouting, stropping and refusing point blank to do anything we ask. So Chris makes lunch as a hangry pre teen is worse than a hangry threenager. While they’re eating he says “so shall we go to the club to watch the games soon” (he’s the captain of the rugby club and I a massive rugby widow) I completely forgot there are three games on today .. that’s right not one , not two but three of the bastard things !!! This prompts a general chat where I realise somewhere in the last week we have got very crossed wires. He thinks we are going to watch a game and he is bringing us home and going back to watch the rest and have a few beers because I went out last week. I think we said we would go watch it together , have some family time and get a sitter and have some drinks together after . 

This is a massive issue as we are both stubborn as shit and neither of us will back down. So I’m like hold on a minute and he’s like no you hold on. We end up having a big row (yes people we are normal human beings , we row and don’t agree all the time) I’m upset because I thought we were having time as a family and then time as a couple and he’s upset because he thought he had a green card for a night with the lads . I go to put Isaac to bed for a nap  secretly hoping I will come down and he will say it’s ok babe I’m sorry we will go watch the game and then we will go for a walk on the beach or the cinema or have a drink together , anything really. 

Back to the floor bed. I take Isaac for a nap and he is walking from the door to his bed and back again over and over for about ten minutes until he eventually falls asleep like this. I can’t blame him it’s all new for him although part of me is like why can’t you just stop and go to sleep because ten minutes seems like an hour of waiting for him to settle down. So yeah that’s ^^^ close enough right ? Although the little shit is in my space I’ll let him off because it’s new and he’s only little. 

While he is sleeping the girls go off to play and me and Chris are still mid row . I’m like just go I don’t want to see you right now and he’s like I would but if I do I’ll get a whole load of shit when I get home because you don’t mean all the crap you’re saying about me just going. (He’s probably not wrong that weird women part of me is telling him to go but likely would be mad if he did). I’m the end I’m like fuck it whatever but don’t bother talking to me and he’s like with pleasure. (See…our relationship isn’t all too good to be true and all glittery unicorn shit etc etc). 

Next thing I know he’s put dinner on, a classy, I can’t be arsed dish of chicken nuggets and chips, and I walk into the kitchen still mad at him (not that I can remember why at this point)  to get myself a drink, he asks for a cuddle and wraps his arms around me and I reluctantly shove mine around him with no real enthusiasm and then he licks my face .. yes you read right the bastard licked my face . I wanted to be mad but I couldn’t although he’s a prick sometimes and I’m a prick at times it was hilarious. We are each other’s pricks and do sincerely love each other. So… yeah.. now we are friends again (we are shit at keeping an argument going)  I then get a message from his mum saying she is at the club. I explain what has gone on and I can’t be bothered really and told him to go and leave us here as she wants to see him but he won’t go without us (because he thinks I’ll give him a hard time if he does when in reality I’ll probably be asleep as soon as the kids are in bed) so we all head to the club, watch the game and have a couple drinks. The kids have fun and we attempt to watch the game. 

I do feel for nanny as B is calling her to play outside every two minutes and although nanny goes to play I know deep down she really wants to watch the game. So I do what every responsible parent does I play with her for a little while outside, then hook up my old iPhone to my portable hotspot and shove on peppa pig (although I hate that fucking pig, she is so rude and obnoxious it’s unreal) and keep B occupied for a little while. A is ok she watches the rugby and enjoys it. I’d like to say it’s relaxing but nothing is relaxing when you have kids , especially when the boy child is wanting to wonder around so we are having to follow him like a shadow because firstly he’s only a baby and secondly he’s allergic to everything so can’t be allowed to just run about and play without an adult acting as a shadow. 

We do get some entertainment mind given it’s someone at the clubs birthday so he gets pulled up centre stage and mocked for his attire during matches.. sorry Cel but you do need better shorts!

Then we head home and stop at the chippy for anyone else this would be a simple order and go but with kids plus an allergy child and having to be careful what we eat nothing is ever simple. So B is demanding she cant possibly stay in the car with Daddy and wait so I take her in with me (bad idea). I order our food specifying allergies. There is one person before us and four come in after. While waiting for my order B who is bored and tired decides now the right time to start emptying the drinks fridge …. so she’s emptying it and I’m trying to be calm saying things like “no beautiful you can’t have a can of coke you’re to little put it back”, “B please stop people don’t want their cans shaken up” while in my mind wondering why on earth I agreed to bring the devil child in with me, but smiling sweetly and apologising every two minutes on her behalf. How she is managing to get it all out quicker than I get it all back I don’t know. We are number 29 and I hear 28 called them 30 then 31 getting more and more pissed off with the fact I’m waiting so long and my 4yr old now is sat on the floor surrounded by anything and everything she could reach from the fridge. I put everything back and pick her up apologising to staff. Then comes the tantrum, I’ve got a four year old in my arms kicking her shoes and socks off screaming she wants the cans and some lemon (what the fuck?) everyone’s staring at me and I’m staying calm saying to her “it’s ok baby we will be back in the car in a minute” while wanting to scream at the lady behind the counter, just hurry up with our fucking food or give the child some lemon. She calms down after what seems like an eternity and now all of a sudden needs a wee that can’t possibly wait. I put her down to pick up her shoes and socks and She starts prancing around doing the I need to pee dance holding on to her girl bits while crying she can’t possibly wait, I ask if she can use the loo but surprise surprise it’s staff only again everyone is staring at me At this point I’m furious and I’m not even sure who at so I take her back to the car and leave chris to strap her in while I go back for the food. Finally after order 34 our food is ready. I get back in the car and chris states “B needs a wee” because clearly I didn’t know that already! We get home and eat. I put the small boy child to bed (ha like it’s that simple) , I feed and lay with him while he gets up numerous times and walks about.  Chris puts B to bed then A, I’m still laid with the small boy child, muttering in my head please for fuck sake just go to sleep. I come downstairs for some fresh air because frankly having my breast torn to pieces and being ruled by a toddler has driven me insane. Chris sits on the stairs until the small boy child runs around his room until he falls asleep which impressively only takes 15 minutes. So I get into Bed still mad at the world and he is out cold on the sofa (ok for some) this happens most nights as he is so exhausted from being a parent and partner and he does do a lot for us. Que B waking up, so I go see her, settle her off , come back down and start writing this with a glass of wine. 

I start falling asleep and am woken by a small ginger human (A) . She scared the absolute shit out of me, as I woke up and she was just staring at me like she wanted to kill me in my sleep. I took her back to bed and she settled off to sleep after trying to tell me a million and twelve reasons why she can’t sleep. I then check on everyone (aren’t they cute when they sleep) and come back to finish writing this in my half asleep state. 

Next thing I know it’s 1.30am and I’m awake and feeding the small boy child again because god forbid he should ever go a whole night with out the milk makers. While doing that I’m spell checking This blog as it seems being half asleep I forget how to spell even the simplest of words and autocorrect is a knob (who the hell ever shot them selves because their child was staring at them). Everyone else is asleep and I’m glad they need their rest and are less likely to be stroppy shits in the morning. I get back to bed at 3.15am. 

Now it’s 7am and I’ve just woken up to the sound of the small boy child moaning his “I’m tired” moan. So I’m gunna finish this up and go let him scratch the shit out of my (ha my, I don’t know why I said my it’s clear they haven’t been mine since they started producing milk and helping to grow a small human) milk makers while attempting to get him back to sleep as Chris has been up with him since 5.15am. 

Will see you all next time 

Kate 😘

Author: workingbreastfeedingmumof5

I am a working , breastfeeding , mum of five. My days are interesting , stressful and hilarious.

2 thoughts on “I don’t even have a title for this shit ”

  1. I pissed myself laughing ( not such a good idea when suffering a bastard of all bastard migraines!!) as can relate completely although I only have two mess makers!!😂😂😂 Brilliant , you should write a book😘😘


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