Sooooo , I’ve not been around as I’m sure the small humans I birthed have been trying to kill me mentally..Fun times .
So Thursday night they didn’t sleep as fecking usual. Me and chris alternated being up with three of them. The worst being A who to begin with decided she was too big to go to bed at a reasonable time! So as any good parent would I started giving her choices .. in the end the stubborn mate lost her phone for a week, magazines over the weekend and treats until Monday. Eventually I had enough and me and chris went to bed at 8.30pm and turned all the lights off and left her in the lounge until she finally came in about twenty minutes later and said “I’m bored I’m going to bed now” wahhoo 1-0 to me and a pretty good parenting win if you ask me!
Friday We got up and battled like hell with some extremely tired little monkies to get ready for school and nursery. He was dressing the baby while I was yelling for god sake just put your bloody shoes on to the girls at the same time as dressing myself for work. I was ready (ish) and the girls still weren’t so then came the “right that’s it, shoes on now or you’re going without them” , A took from that stomp up the stairs like an awful teenager, R took from it scream at the top of your voice until she changes her mind, G took from it beg and beg for someone (who clearly doesn’t have time for this shit today) to do it for you as you can’t possibly do it yourself, while B happily put hers on the wrong feet and would not change them. So while trying to brush my hair I start trying to help G, while yelling two the other two 3…2…. oh there they are putting their shoes on .. phew close call kids close call! Getting them in the car is a battle I really am not up for reliving right now, but it involved a lot of choices between getting in and frankly mummy loosing her shit and shouting, because at this point I’m gunna be late for work if they carry on much longer. We get them in the car and chris drops me at work., then drops the older girls at school and the younger two at nursery before the poor sod heads to work himself.
On my break I text my friend that’s picked them up from school to see how they are , as usual they’re argueing and fighting and some how she’s got them doing housework. She’s a fucking genius why did I never think of this!
I get home at 8.40pm after a 12 hour shift and all seems peaceful and quiet, chris has got them all to bed and settled. I sit down and it’s like they fucking know ! B starts crying so I head up and settle her , then G and then the small boy is demanding the milk makers (it’s ok kids I didn’t want to eat or chill for a bit or anything). I get him back to sleep at around 10 in the end. By that point I’m too tired to anything other than go to bed and chris is asleep on the sofa. So I do ready for another eventful night! Weirdly they slept pretty well after that (they only woke I think once each) it was amazing although I woke up more tired than when I don’t sleep.
Saturday morning ..
I go up to the boy at around 5, keep him in his room for a bit trying tirelessly to get him back to sleep at 6.30 I give up and we just play. The girls are all awake and playing on their rooms until chris wakes up around 7 when he sends me back to bed for an hour. I get up and try to sort my self out while chris starts on the garden.
Why do they turn into devil children the moment he im is out of the house. I’ve got G shouting at R because she won’t play with her, she wants to play with A who doesn’t want to play with her , B is found in the bathroom playing with the taps, there is water everywhere while the small boy child is wingding because he’s tired, like it’s my fault and I made him wake up a stupid o’clock .. Now is the perfect time and the girls get choices.. housework or no telly all day .. fucking hell its worked they’re all doing some housework. I go to out the small boy child to bed (because it’s that simple clearly) and next thing I know I’ve got R at the door “mum I’m hungry” I sternly tell her I’m getting your brother to sleep you will have to wait. She does downstairs and oh here B “mummy I need a poo come wipe my bum” again I tell her I can’t she is a big girl and to try herself. Both waking a half asleep boy child in the process !! Then A stands at the door the poor child doesn’t even have time to say anything I just growl at her “has someone’s head fallen off? If not get downstairs while I get your brother to sleep” .. finally the poor boy is asleep.
Downstairs however is carnage now kids thinking they’re WWE pros against each other. To be honest I’m surprised I didn’t walk down to hair and nails flying everywhere . Time for housework again for them (I actually cannot believe how well this shit works) ! Chris asks for a shopping list and I bit the poor sods head off (sorry dude) like I’ve had time to think about that this morning! He goes off and all is slightly settled for a while as they’re all worried about having to do more housework haha. Until G accidently falls on B so B punches her now I’ve got two crying while R is moaning they’re in the way of the telly and A is stropping about lord only knows what! Chris is home (thank the fucking lord) and is making food while I’m now stuck with an impossible decision .. do we take the kids to rugby because they’ve been little shits and I can’t cope with an afternoon of them in the house, or not take them as punishment for being little shits!? Taking them wins because to be honest… fuck sitting in with them all in foul arse moods! To my surprise we actually have a really nice afternoon outside playing and making daisy chains (although if I see another daisy chain anytime soon I may well spontaneously combust).
We rush home as me and chris are heading to an engagement party later (ha yeah we are actually going to adult). However nothing is straight forward in our life and his mum is poorly. So now I rally around trying to get someone to have the smalls just for a couple of hours so we can adult. This in itself is hard as hell as when you have this many kids you have few good friends you trust enough to have them. Plus the more kids you have the more friends disappear it seems. Anyway Sally comes to the rescue (we fucking love you Sally) so we get our shit together and head out all dressed up.
We get to the party, we see and speak to the same people about the same things we do at the rugby club but who cares they’re cool people and we are adulting!
Then comes the dreaded call..the feeling I got when I saw sallies name pop up was one which I can only imagine resembles gong to make a morning coffee and having no coffee. “B is screaming and has woken G up and B won’t come near me or tell me what’s wrong”. These kids really do bloody know! I call and give Sally the technique we use to get them back to sleep and soon after get a text to say it’s ok they’re asleep. Twenty minutes later another text “they’re screaming again” so I tell her to put B in my bed and sit with G and they should go off again. They do and we think all is well and can carry on with our night. Haha as parents you should never think things like that . Another text “they’re under control but I’m currently laid on your bed with them” so I tell her we will head home although she’s more than capable it’s unfair. Sally tells us “no it’s fine honestly just wanted to let you know they’re ok” occompanied by the cutest picture ever.
So we take a little more time with our drinks and head home picking up a kebab on the way (btw these are much better when you’re drunk then when you’re sober I found this out this night). We get home eat and chat for a bit before Sally heads home and we head to bed. Then the real fun starts . I carry the girls up to their beds and they’re asleep , que the boy child waking .. so I feed and lay with him. For most of the night while chris gets up with the girls who knows how many times. 5am I feed the boy again and then call chris for back up as he won’t go back to sleep and he takes over so I can get some rest. Those of you that breastfeed will know you never ever get a proper nights sleep with baby attatched to your tit all night.
I’m woken at 8 to Chris “hey beautiful it’s time to get up we need to get the kids ready to take R to rugby training” thinking for fuck sake we lost an hour last night as the clocks went forward so on a technicality it’s 7am can’t a mother have a lay in on Mother’s Day (the answer to that by the way is no you’re a parent lay ins don’t exist although chris does try to let me lay in and they definitely don’t count if you’ve been up all night). Then my anger turned to amazement and pride . The kids came bundling in all with home made cards that they’d put their all into. G and R also had the cards they had gotten me while at their dads and B had grown me a flower from a seed. They smother me in kisses and cuddles and for a good half hour I remember why I love them so much. I get up and help Chris get them sorted. I feed the boy child while asking the girls to get dressed and ready R is ready quicker than I’ve ever seen her get ready before through pure excitement for rugby, while B is running around naked saying “I’m going like dis Mumma” , A is moaning like fuck about how she doesn’t want to go and can stay at home on her own, while G is walking around with pants, a top , one sock on and her shoes in her hand! Evenetially after a few battles and near tear occasions (from me and Chris) we get them on the car.
R does fantastically at training , if that is nearly smashing her glasses, falling over a ton of times and doing the chicken dance is what you class as fantastic rugby (in all honestly that’s pretty much what it is) she really enjoys herself and I’m really enjoying shouting encouragement and watching her, until “muuuuum I’m cold” , “mum I need a wee” , “mum I’m hungry” “mum …. mum … mum” so I head inside with the three girls and the boy child .. on the way in G decides she’s changed her mind so I send her back to Chris instead of going she just stands there (bearing in mind he’s not far from us at all). Now I’m battling with a five year old about what she is doing and she is just stood there fucking staring at me. After the longest five minutes of my life Chris comes and takes her back to where R is training. Me the boy child , B and A sit inside eating crisps and chatting until they’re finished.
Once R is done they come back and we then start the into the car battle again B has run off across the field , G is crying because she didn’t get a bag of crisps (although I’d told her there was one in the car for her), A despite not wanting to come now suddenly doesn’t want to fucking leave , while the boy child decides it’s time to have a feed and R is jumping around mega exited the club lent her a pair of “real rugby boots” because clearly you can get fake ones 🙄.
We finally get them in the car and I get a phone call it’s my nan whom I’ve only met once in 30 years and that was around Christmas (there is a back story to this but to be honest this fucking blog is gunna be long enough without it) . So we head over there and it’s amazing they’re so welcoming , play with the kids and chat to us. They own owls and so the kids are mesmerised when we walk in and there’s on just perched on an ornament in the lounge. We only intend on staying an hours as we’ve a busy day but end up there two and a half hours. We all had a great time the kids got given , sweets , crisps , fruit and I started getting to know my grandparents asbthey did their great grandparents. We say our goodbyes and the kids all get a feather each from a massive box of them.
We now head to my mums , give her the card and flowers we got and relax (haha like you can ever relax with five kids). We spend some time with her , her partner and my brother and all have a lovely time playing in the garden again the kids get filled with rubbish food, but you know what..today I don’t give a shit anything for an easy life. We don’t do it often so what does it matter. Again piling the kids into the car (this shit is getting draining now) and head to my dads. While on the way we realise the kids haven’t actually had a proper lunch and it’s like 3.30 although in fairness the kids haven’t actually stopped eating all day.
We get to my dads and my sister and partner are there . We give my dads partner her card and flowers and the seven kids play with grandad, while we watch on lovingly at their attempt at what’s the time mr wolf and some other game that I don’t know the name for but is basically the same. We all had a great time. We load the kids up in the car and head home . By this point me and chris are mentally and physically drained praying that B stays awake for the 40 minute drive home. (The kids were running around far to much to get a decent picture of them all)
We get home and chris mum comes over for dinner, the girls bath themselves (bar B nanny helps her) while chris makes dinner and I sit feeding the boy child. Next thing I know all I hear from the kitchen is “for fuck sake who even decided on this stupid dinner it’s not cooking quick enough” … to which I replied “well actually it was mine as it’s Mother’s Day and I love loaded potato skins I did offer to make it” it prompted an apology from him at least.
We all love it when nanny comes over. We play for a bit before enjoying a lovely dinner, all though we eat separately as the the boy child , B and G’s are ready first , then R and A’s , then mine and nannys. Nanny puts B and G to bed and I put the boy child to bed. while chris is still cooking ours and when ours is ready he takes over with B and G. He is a good man he had his dinner after we all did so he could sit with the devil children that hate sleep. Nanny heads home and I send R and A to bed surprisingly they go pretty simply.
By this point chris pours me a cider and we chill for half hour.
The house is a mess , but me and Chris are both to god damn tired to do anything about it. So fuck it it is not getting done tonight no way in hell! So we head to bed early about 9 I think. By 10 I have an awake boy child (bet ya saw that coming) and the night went much as the last few have….. oh the joys!
Mondays are always a Huge rush but today was even more rushed. This morning though B and the boy child are having breakfast at nursery (yay for no coco pop carpet). I get the kids ready and have the normal morning battle, however it’s slightly easier this morning as I am just not in the mood and I think the kids can tell (I’ve a feeling my lack of patience, easily snapping and lack of big encouraging smiles might give it away ever so slightly). I get the kids to school and nursery and head home to eat quickly ignoring the clothes all over the lounge floor and yesterday’s mess that needs clearing up, eating is however sacrificed for a poo in peace! I head to an apt I’ve got that lasts two and a half hours! Then straight from there I head to the children’s centre to catch up with a lady I needed to see, but she’s gone.
Then it dawns on me … no work this afternoon although I love my job massively I become very accustomed to the idea of an afternoon of peace. Until I remember I’ve still got to go on for another apt this time for my nvq induction which I had asked to start as soon as I could (because clearly I don’t have enough to do and like to challenge myself by adding more). In all seriousness I want to better my labels and my career for myself and the kids so chose to do it. On the way home I very seriously contemplate not telling my friend that picks the kids up on a Monday I’m on my way home (sorry ash), but I appreciate how much she does for me and guilt of taking the Piss takes over so I head straight to school (yup I’ve still not eaten yet today). I collect the kids who are in their usual fantastic moods and refusing to talk to me about their days .. good chat kids good chat! On the way home G sees her friend with his dad and invites herself over. He says yes and so she goes to play for the afternoon. While I get the joy of a now moaning R because she wanted to go too and I said no as he’s G’s friend. I get in and make myself some egg on toast while R and A go uosetots to play. Within minutes they’re fighting because A days R is too young to play with her this goes on, on and off until their dinner is done where they actually beat each other’s company while they eat! Chris comes home and I’ve already text him about my day so is hiding outside in the garden haha. I go to get G and when I’m back he has no choice and gets changed the. Goes to get B and the boy child . They get home and straight to bed for B, G and the boy child so chris takes the girls while I take the boob monster (attached to the milk makers) to bed.
I’m going to end this one here as frankly it’s 12.43am on Wednesday morning now and can bog tomorrow about the mayhem that was Tuesday to give you guys something to look forward to. Although it has taken me five days to complete this bloody blog because the reality is my life is painfully busy and hectic sometimes!