Having five kids is hard 

So Monday night I got left to no sleep as per usual . 

Tuesday…

Tuesday was interesting and mega busy more so than usual. We got up and as usual had the getting dressed battle with the kids. I’ve got the boy child attatched to my tit while trying to brush and put up R’s hair and as you can imagine with her squirming around moaning it hurts. A is being rather helpful gets dressed and lacks the lunch bags, B is for once dressed and not doing school run in her pjs , the boy child however is doing school run in his pjs because he’s not letting go of my tit for love nor money this morning. I do the other girls hairs whilst still feeding the small boobie obsessed boy. Once they’re done I take him off and attempt to put him in the buggy , he is screaming and thrashing around because obviously, Now he’s not attatched to me my milk is going to instantaneously dry up and he will be starved forever more. I have to use the good old fashioned knee to hold the baby in while I do his straps up (you reading this thinking thank fuck I’m not alone don’t worry there are plenty more of us that use the knee technique). Right so he’s in the buggy kids have shoes on and coats as capes that I can’t be arsed to argue about , go to leave the door …. boom the floor drop 🙄😩 from G , for absolutely no visible reason .. fucking wonderful, just what I need at 7.40am. So I try to talk to her “what’s the matter baby, how can mummy help you” she stares screaming at me blankly .. again “sweetheart I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s wrong” and with that off fly her shoes .. a-fucking-mazing!!!! I can’t deal with this, this morning! So I explain calmly we should sort out what’s the matter and get to school so she can have breakfast and then play with her friends , now she’s thrashing around the floor like a washed up dolphin ! I give her a couple of minutes to calm down , over her a cuddle, ask her again calmly what’s wrong and she continues to scream and thrash around. In my mind I’m screaming what the fuck is wrong , just god damn talk to me , how I manage to keep that in I do not know, but I do . In the end I pop the buggy outside and ask A if she minds pushing her brother she’s pleased to have a big girls job and so does, I swoop G up and her shoes and carry her kicking me , punching me and crying still with no explanation! She starts calming down on the way to school in the mean time I’m starting to feel like her own personal stress ball. I am repeating “come on sweetheart talk to me so o can help” and she is still not talking at all. We get to school and she’s stopped beating the crap out of me and is now crying that dull , annoying moan that kids do. Given I’m still none the wiser as to what the hell has triggered this I say to her “last chance to talk to me before school if you don’t want to tell me now that’s fine we will talk about it after school” again my mind is screaming much less calm things. She still says nothing (why the hell do kids think because you’re a mum you’re a god damn mind reader). 

So I pop her down on the floor in the hall at school and hand her, her shoes. I give the girls all a kiss and cuddle (bar G who shouts no when I ask her if she wants one). Now I am desperately trying to ignore the member of staff that is looking down her nose at me in disgust and like I’ve just bought her to school in filthy clothes, unwashed and smeared in some sort of stinking oil. I know what she’s thinking , she’s thinking .. look at her five kids and she can’t cope, can’t even get her daughter to school with shoes on and if she isn’t thinking that she sure as hell came across like it! Well Mrs perfect, just so you know this is how my morning went and if you’d of taken the time to ask if everything was ok, rather than bark at me “you can’t leave her here with no shoes on” (because clearly a clean school hall floor is unsafe for feet) and then argue with me over wether I had to stay until she had them on or she should be allowed to calm down and put them on in her own time, then I would of told you the events prior to arriving, but you didn’t so who the hell are you to look at me like that? And for the record the way you acted was innapropriate and could of well escalated things again. Another teacher says to G, “come on calm down and get your shoes on so you can go have breakfast” and finally she starts to put her shoes on and I head home with the smaller two. 

I give them breakfast this morning we are having pancakes because I sure as hell cant be dealing with having to clean up a coco pop or any other cereal for that matter carpet. The kids sit and eat while i clean up and then get a peaceful poo (yes you bloody heard that right a peaceful poo feel free to celebrate for me). I get downstairs and quickly realise why it’s not a good idea I ever leave the kids even if it is just for a poo , the boy is happily eating skips that B has used a step to reach from the kitchen ,  that’s not to bad though right? Wrong it’s terrible he’s allergic to tomato his reactions with tomato are a contact rash and tummy upset so could be worse. I say to her “B darling good sharing but you know not to share with your brother he could get really poorly” having to remind myself she’s only four and she was being kind it’s not worth going mad at her for, even if we have told her a thousand and ten times not to give him anything. She apologised, well she said “but he likes them mummy” I’m taking that as an apology right now because I fear I will bite her head off if I don’t.  I give him some piriton and pray.  I then get the boy child dressed and now he’s signing for the milk makers (little sod is 19 months won’t say a word but will sign for milk) , I put the telly on for B and take him up to bed I feed him while he paws at my milk machines until he falls asleep and I go into stealth mode out of the room. I get downstairs and B is happily watching peppa (anyone else hate that obnoxious, rude fucking pig) . I pack his bag, sort some washing out and throw a few wine gums down my neck (nice, nutritious breakfast). 

A friend turns up to watch B , I call a taxi and get the small boy up as he has a blood test. He’s in a foul mood as he hates being woken so this is gunna be a fun trip. To top it off it’s thirty pound , yes thirty pound one way for a fifteen minute apt.. unfortunately my anxiety doesn’t permit me to get a train or bus far with the kids I just can’t do it. On the way I click the hospital is by my mums I’d like to see her plus it would be cheaper to see if she is free to take me home. Thankfully she agrees and saves me another thirty pound to get home.

I normally feed the boy child during his bloods as normally this keeps him settled and is a relatively smooth process. Turns out not so much when they get a bit older, firstly the sod was to busy coming off to see what they where doing , so they gave him an iPad with fireworks going off on it , then when he finally focussed on the fireworks  the needle went in and wow did he cry and he’s a lot stronger than the last time. It took three of us to keep him still enough and get his bloods. I wanted to cry for him. Once it was over I fed him and I’m sure he was trying to pay me back for the bloods when his teeth clamped down and I genuinely felt like throwing him off, it hurt so much. I go to head to my mums and he spots a blanket he wants at the hospital shop so I get it for him for being brave. Get to my mums and chill there for half hour before she brings us home. 

It’s now 1pm. I give B her sweets for being good for my friend then feed and put the small boy to bed. I go to make some food and realise it’s bloody 1.45 I’ve got to go get R from school for her eye check up . (And people ask how I stay so skinny haha). I get a taxi again to the eye hospital (This ones closer and a lot cheaper to get to mind). Her eye test takes what seems like forever she keeps moving and picking up things she shouldn’t and I can see the optician slowly getting frustrated. I tell R to behave and we will get a nice treat as soon as we are out. Eventually she’s done. I got told her glasses would improve her general sight, but nope her vision has deteriorated. She’s happy she gets to pick new glasses , I’m pissed off we’ve now got to go to spec savers to do so before we can go home. I obviously don’t tell her that. So we head to spec savers and I’ve got to say it was the easiest trip ever she wanted toy story they didn’t have any and she chose two pairs of moana I think it’s called? Who knows some new film or something. She gets measured up we chat to the lady for a little while and head home. 

I get home and B and the boy child are playing I look at the time and fuck I’ve got an hour and ten minutes before I have to go to work. My hair is greasier than the kebabs I used to get after night out before I had kids (and occasionally since to be honest), I’ve got to make dinner, get ready for work and the other two are on their way home from my friends house as she collected them from school for me. So I whack some mince and pasta on , run and wash my hair so quickly It’s probably going to look just as bad as it did before I washed it, the girls get home and I am finishing dinner with a towel wrapped around my head. Have a little chat with Carla and feel really rude because I’m doing dinner at the same time. Whack a jar of bolognese sauce in the mince because I sure as hell don’t have time to make it from scratch. Dish dinner up , brush my hair while eating mine and the small boy child is throwing his around the room. Chris walks in inhales his dinner, I then get dressed for work and give the kids their five minute warning for having to leave and watch them eat quicker than I’ve ever seen them eat poor sods. Then the boy child decides to start signing milk at me so Chris starts outtingvthe kids in the car and I feed him. Once he’s done me and him jump in the car and Chris drops me off at work. I get to work and breath a massive sigh of relief as much as I love my Children I am utterly exhausted and this is a welcome break. 

I get home at midnight, start expressing and as if by magic G wakes I go up and try to settle her , she’s crying but won’t tell me why (again I’m expected to be a mind reader) I run through everything I can imagine , are you hot, cold, want a drink, need a wee, want a cuddle, nope she just stares at me and falls back to sleep…Cheers kid. I get into bed at 12.30 and the boy child wakes at 1.30.. wonderful! So I head up and feed him I then wake at 4 I’ve no idea what time I even fell asleep.  I head down to bed and get my head down 5.30 he wakes up and chris informs me I’ve slept through B and G waking a couple of times (whoops). I feed him and Chris goes to settle him while I go back to sleep until he wakes me at 7.10am. 

Wednesday.. 

Chris has been so good bless him he’s got the girls dressed , bar socks and jumpers , sorted the lunch bags and made me a cup of fruit tea (mornings like this I wish I drank coffee) and then he heads to work. I get the Socks and jumpers sorted brush the girls hairs which is always fun while a small boy is hanging off of my boob. This morning R is on form with the whole crying when her hairs not even knotty, G has tried to do it herself and so has tangled her hair up and B is point blank refusing. Eventually we are done and it’s time to go . After yesterday’s ordeal I’ve bribed the boy child into the buggy with a pancake and mentally prepared myself for G who yes was resistant about going to school but a lot better than Tuesday. I get them to school, get home, get a casserole in the slow cooker while my kids are throwing their breakfast around my lounge. Today it’s Frosties all over the floor, I guess it’s nice to change things up a bit. I rush to get the baby dressed and B’s hair sorted and back out the door. No time for my breakfast, morning poo or to clean up. So I get the boy in the buggy relatively easily this time, get B’s shoes and coat on her (this morning I can’t be arsed with the argument so I just do it for her) and head to nursery with them. When I get there B runs off and the boy demands the milk makers again. So I sit in the nursery and feed him I look over and B is sat at a table eating her third breakfast after claiming I didn’t give her any little madam! I head to my course. 

I go straight from my course to pick the kids up and open up the breastfeeding group I volunteer at. I then head home, B decides as we walk past a house with lots of tiff outside advertising it for free she wants two giant teddies I try to outbher off and say we can’t just take them, but the lady comes out and gives them to her. So we struggle with her carrying these massive bloody beats all the way home .. 

Finally getting back at 2.20. I realise I’ve not eaten so throw on some eggs and toast while cleaning up a dirty nappy, clothes, Frosties and toys in the lounge . I eat and head to collect the kids! Are you exhausted yet? I certainly am! 

The kids are on form all tired and argueing and fighting so I stop and rather than telling them off or making them apologise I put myself in time out. Yes that’s right I sat on that step because there, I know they will not disturb me for at least two minutes. When I come out of time out I put the telly on for R and G and B and A go and play upstairs. I then feed the small boy child and he goes off to play while I peel and mash potatoes for dinner. I call the kids for dinner and they come and collect it one by one like you would in the que for school dinners, only difference is there are no choices today you get what’s being served and that’s that. They go sit down to eat and chris walks in all we hear is a massive bang and A crying. Chris goes to investigate and is met with a smashed bowl and beef casserole all over the floor he asks her what happens and tells her not to cry it’s only a bowl and this my friends is amazing , an ant .. yes a bloody ant made her jump! He cleans it up and I dish her up some more food. Dinner time is going well until R realised I’ve hidden veg in her dinner and then tried to refuse to eat it (bearing in mind she’s eaten half before realising) . Eventually she agrees she did like it before she spotted the pee and carries on. 

Bedtime is much like normal we are met with G finding excuses not to sleep and R demanding she stays up to watch telly. Chris sorts B and G while I sort R and the boy child and A smugly turns the telly over as now she’s got control of the buttons .we eventually get them all settled come down and send A up 15 minutes later. The night carries on much like the last few you’ve read about. 

Thursday… 

Being a working mum of five children sometimes you lose days and yes Thursday is the day I’ve lost this week. It’s completely gone from my brain so not much to write about that really! 

Friday… 

Always a fun day I have to be at work at 7.45 and so the kids tend to play up even more. Me and Chris get them sorted eventually and he drops me off at work and then them at school and nursery . I woke all day a Fridays so it’s pretty non interesting after that. Until I get home at 8.30pm and within minutes of being in The boy wakes , Chris is asleep on the sofa and I head up to sort the boy out. He settles and I express an head to bed. R and G are at their dads by the time I get home. Chris deals with B over night and I wake around 1 to the boy and end up thinking fuck it and just lay with him. He falls asleep and I come back to bed , 3.30 he wakes again I go to feed and settle him, I woke up at 5.30 and he had helped him self to the milk makers. He falls back to sleep around 6 and I must of fallen asleep too as I woke up at 7.10 to him pulling the blanket off me (which btw is a tiny baby blanket) and he’s pulling me feet. I’m guessing he wants to get up. 

Its now 23.00 on Saturday night, I’m so exhausted I am falling asleep and have work at 7.45am. So I shall try to write again tomorrow about today as it was a pretty good day, but right now I just haven’t got the energy. So I hope you have enjoyed your read and goodnight . 

Much love 

Kate 😘

Side note feel free to correct any grammatical , spelling or auto correct errors I’m too tired to proof read this. 

Author: workingbreastfeedingmumof5

I am a working , breastfeeding , mum of five. My days are interesting , stressful and hilarious.

2 thoughts on “Having five kids is hard ”

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