I’ve been willing the kids back to school for two weeks. We’ve had two weeks of hectic, family, madness. Two weeks of fighting , two weeks of stress, two weeks of joy.
Now it’s come to it I don’t want it. Don’t get me wrong some days I go to work just for the break and give the kids a kiss and cuddle at the door to breakfast club, tell them I love them and in my mind am thinking thank fuck for that the school can deal with them now. I’m not one to sugarcoat shit after all. Mostly though I drop them off and am filled with thoughts about someone else doing my job and how they can’t possibly do it as well as me. How their sympathy for a grazed knee in no way matches up to my magic kisses, how the lunches they make aren’t loving prepared with every thought about, down to how they like things arranged on their plates, How I can’t wait for home time to go collect them and cherish that small window where they come out and are excited to see me before they get distracted by each other.
Monday was pretty non eventful bar me being ill so we will skip that.
Tuesday I wake up I say wake up, have a huge battle to get everyone sorted, Chris does the lunches while I feed the boy child. B is refusing to get dressed so is doing school run in her pjs. oh how I wish I could do that without people looking at me like I am a tramp, although to be fair I’m sure people look at me like I’m a tramp for letting my kid do it.. Well for the record picking your battles is very wise especially early morning, and with a small ginger person with the attitude of a bumblebee that’s just been flicked. It’s just not worse the whirl wind of hell it will cause, twin the small ginger whirlwind with a boy child that is more miserable than he has ever been im sure and fuck it she can wear her pjs all bloody day if she wants. It’s R’s safari day at school and I’ve got to say I’m pretty impressed with my last minute effort she looks awesome :). And she is such a little poser.
We get home and she has breakfast while he refuses and is just crying, not a little cry either. I cuddle him and he stops I go to the toilet and he starts screaming again. When I come back clinging to my leg apparently unable to let go.
I try to take him to bed but he won’t settle for toffee although he’s clearly shattered, whyvthe fuck do kids do that if I could I would sleep whenever I’m tired. The stubborn little sods however don’t know to make the most of it because when you get to being a grown up you want to sleep but seem to never get to.
being the truly amazing mum I am I go and wash up, turn my music on and hope he calms down. He didn’t and I can tell you this now if you ever want to get housework done quickly just add in a screaming, over tired child and you get it done at the speed of light! I opened the gate and head back into the kitchen and again I’ve got a baby impersonating a koala on my leg 🙄
This whole situation is made harder for both of us because he can’t talk. So I’m getting to the “just tell me what you bloody want” stage and he is at the “why the hell isnt she doing what I want her to” stage! This shit is probably the hardest part of toddlerness when they know their mind and you know them, but they can’t verbalise and as much as you try and people say mums are you’re not a mind reader. Especially when that little mind changes more than British bloody weather!
I have now come round to the idea that I’m going to end the day with a broken back from carrying a toddler around for the day. I give B the tablet because, well … I’m tired and she’s quiet when she has the tablet. The boy still doesn’t sleep but as long as I’m holding him he’s quiet. I did put him down to make a cup of tea and that also went awfully.
The day passes in a blur of B demanding thing and being superglued to a small boy that wants something but who bloody knows what. I finally get him to sleep at about 2pm (I’ve never been so relieved about him napping as I was this day). B asked if nanny could come round and I’ve not seen her in ages so invite her for tea. She comes over around 2.45. The boy child typically the boy child wakes up at 3 right on time for school run. I’m going to be honest he’s woken up in as foul a mood as he fell asleep so like fuck am I taking him on school run if someone is here that can watch them. Nanny said se will watch them and so I pass the grumpy little sod to her and head to get the girls.
R and G are amazingly happy to see me it’s really nice, I do feel bad as I’m clouded by the stress of the day and doing a pretty shit job of pretending to be interested and amazed by the pictures they’ve come home with.
Then it gets interesting. We go to get A ! Now A told me the day they broke up from school that her egg didn’t win the paint an egg competition (how it didn’t I don’t know as it was eggcelent). In fairness I probably put more work into hers than she did so if anything I should of won. Anyway, she said that everyone in the class got a chocolate bar and a book but she didn’t as she was with her councillor.she was crying her little eyes out and I felt terrible for her and was fuming at her teacher. So today was the first day I was going to speak to her teacher about it. I walked up to her and said “A is really upset with you and I am also” she asked why I responded with, “well she was in counciling on the last day of school when everyone got chocolate and a book and she didn’t get any because you forgot her, now given she’s in counciling for a number of issues including low self esteeem im really upset that you could do that to her” I didn’t expect the reply I was met with… “I don’t know what you’re talking about only the winner got chocolate and a book”. Fuck my fucking life, I now want the ground to swallow me up and am as embarrassed as hell! My daughter decided it would be funny to lie to try get her teacher in trouble I can only presume as some sort of payback for not letting her win. I apologise and promise to deal with A when we get home. I try to talk to A about this and she is laughing at me, I explain it’s ok if she got confused she replies “I didn’t” spiteful little madam! So I send her to her room to think about how she will fix this and don’t let her down until dinner and then she goes straight to bed. Given the stubborn little madam she is she spends all week in her room. I give her plenty of oppertunities to understand how she has upset her teacher and myself and how she can apologise but she just won’t she genuinely doesn’t seem to care and finds it hilarious that I told her teacher off for something she didn’t do.
I cook dinner and chris comes home. I go upstairs to try talk to A who is screaming she hates me, I’m mean, and she wishes I would die (cheers kid). As I do I hear the small boy in the hallway and run out to grab him. It’s to late.. I find myself and chris chasing after a small boy that’s rolling down the entire flight of stairs. It’s gong in slow motion but too quickly for either of us to stop it. On his way down he passes and nearly knocks over B also (who kindly left the gate open for him to get up even though she knows full well it’s to stay closed). Chris grabs him at the bottom and I go full mental mum! It’s like chris is a stranger and I’m clouded with worry for the child that has been bugging me all day. I was put my arms out to take the boy child and Chris was cuddling him trying to comfort him, I then started shouting at Chris “give me my fucking son” he replied calmly “he’s ok, he’s not bleeding and I’m just calming him down” I then shout more “seriously just give me my fucking son now” I lost all care of minding my language or volume because we have kids, it all just went. I was angry and terrified my heart racing like it never has before, sweating and in a little bubble of though that I was the only one that could comfort him. To be fair this small child that I had grown in my womb, protected and uses breast to comfort his every need was now in daddy’s arms happily laughing at him pulling stupid faces while checking him over for injuries. I do feel really sorry for Chris looking back, how the must of made him feel can’t of been nice. I still haven’t apologised to be honest and I’m not sure I will. Although I feel bad for essentially making him feel like he wasn’t good enough to comfort our son, I can’t bring myself to apologise for being worried about the boy child. Now the boy is calm and I’ve calmed a bit (helped by going outside while I called my friend who works at the hospital) I called 111 and got told to take him to a and e to be checked over. Nanny bless her who has just been comforting the others mainly B who is clearly upset because she left the gate open, then takes us to the hospital. He had a full inspection and I was interrogated to the point I felt like they thought I’d pushed him down the fucking stairs. The one thing about that I will say is as annoying as it is being questioned like that, it’s incredible and a good thing they’re so thorough for the sake of the child. He was happily playing and to be honest if anything the fall knocked some happy into him. This is the happiest I had seen him all day.
They cleared him to go home and be monitored for concussion. We got back and nanny had her dinner and headed home. I stayed in his bed that night and laid up staring at him and poking him hourly while reliving the nightmare we had just endured over and over in my head. The girls went to bed really simply after I apologised for saying naughty words and shouting at daddy. I’m almost sure they only went to bed simply because they’ve never seen or heard me like that and it worried them poor girls.
After literally zero sleep I’m like a fucking major mombie this morning. I explain to the girls mummy might not be so patient this morning because I’m tired and grumpy. To which R replies “it’s ok mummy we all get hangry” kids got a point we all do especially me. A has decided she’s not in enough trouble already and doesn’t want to go to school.. deep joy! I am exhausted and trying hard to be patient. I explain a good choice would be to get dressed and ready for school or a bad choice would be don’t and end up going to school in pjs. She chose the later until three seconds before we left the house when she got her superfast dressing skills out . Probably a good job because I had already been having a hard time with Gabriella who was crying because her sick has pins in it (the seem was annoying her) and so she couldn’t possibly wear any socks at all. It normally takes around an hour to get them sorted and it was a stupidly stressful hour at that. B didn’t want to wear any shoes , G didn’t want to wear socks A well she was being a royal pain in the butt, the boy child was hanging off my tit while I was trying to brush and put up the girls hairs (that shots hard for the record). I eventually got them to school. B decided on a more original breakfast this morning it consisted of carrot sticks, pepper and cucumber. Starbge child she is.
Ah well she’s happy. The boy child is signing pancake at me. So I sort him out make lunch for later, out dinner in the slow cooker and get their bags ready for crèche as I’ve got a course this morning. 8.40 just as we are about to leave the door B decided she needed a poo so I send her up telling her to not be long , she is back in a flash waving shit covered fingers at me while saying “look mummy I wiped my own bum” clearly she did it well . So upstairs we head for a clothes change and wash. We get to nursery late and I take the boy child in to his room while giving B a kiss and a cuddle and encouraging her to go play with her friends. He screams and I mean hugely while I’m explaining to them he has to be monitored and handing them the concussion leaflet, B is stood at the gate and refusing to go into the bigger room. The boy child is now signing milk please just as I get an accident form to fill out the injuries occurred from his badly played superman impression on the stairs last night. So I’m sat with him hanging off me and filling out this form in the baby room at nursery. When he finishes i pass him to one of the staff and he kicks off again. I’m sure he thinks I’m leaving forever , B is now begging to come with me. I pass her to the nursery manager and feel terrible as the manger is telling me it’s fine and to go while being hit and kicked by this small, but incredibly strong ginger person of mine. I head to my course.
I go get the kids and take them to the children’s centre for half hour while waiting to open up the breastfeeding support group I run there. My food friend Joan meets us there.
When we are done we head to the centre to give the keys back and B decided she’s gunna kick off because she doesn’t want to go home. I’m dealing with her while telling the lady there to expect the normal call from the hospital about the boys fall. Joan is driving home so she gets in the car while I try to sort a now screaming small boy because he’s tired and a B that isn’t listening to a word I’m saying. Then a do hooded trying to help suggests to B that we race Joan home!!! I asked her to kindly not suggest things like that to my child and she questioned me. I’m sorry but what is it to do with her why I don’t want her suggesting things to my daughter I get she was trying to help, but she just successfully made our trip home even harder! Why oh why do people get involve . I eventually get B out the door and what does she do … runs off ahead because she is racing Joan home! Courtesy of the lady that felt the need to get involved! After about 2 minutes of trying to bargain with her (that seemed like fucking forever) I then tell her if she doesn’t stop she will have no treats for the rest of the week. The good old treats bribe a handy one to rely on in desperate times. She walks fairly well after that intermittently trying to dart off but a quick “young lady” in my mom voice reminds her of the no treats issue. The boy is still screaming. Typically 40 seconds from home this happens 🙄
So I have to stealth him into bed . Then time for a quick cuppa and school run. The dreaded time I have to face A’s poor teacher again liked with embarrassment. The girls come out all happy as normal I great them with cuddles and kisses. We the head to collect A. I stood as far as possible from the classroom for fear of having to face her teacher. We get home A is still in trouble so goes to her room the other two are tired and yelling at me for food . I say food , crisps or cake is the only food they consider acceptable when I tell them diners on they kick right off waking the boy. Now I have three crying kids and I’m peeling potatoes. Poor Joan ends up settling them all while I do dinner. We eat and she goes home. Chris and I start bedtime we let R stay up a little as she has been so good and A is kicking and throwing things in the bedroom ( I’m almost sure she’s going to start her periods soon). Next thing I know ..
he does work hard bless him.
The night went much as the previous and Thursday and Friday are pretty clouded with me working to be honest so for fear of writing the same things over and over again I will leave it at that for now. What I will say is yes I missed the kids Monday but by Wednesday I was glad to have them back at school I won’t lie. They either love eachother and are conspiring against us, Or hate eachother and are doing their best WWE impressions. Do any of you have any idea how hard it is to have to consciously hold back on saying l things like “just sod off and give me a fucking break for five minutes you little shit” because it’s not socially acceptable nor beneficial to say to children. It’s mentally exhausting holding back and reminding myself they’re children that I love with all my heart and although they’re challenging at times they are learning and doing fucking amazingly at it. It will be well worth it as long as they grow into decent and kind adults I guess and I’ll be willing them to be scaring , upsetting and exhausting me again before I know it.
Thanks for reading.
Until next time .