I made a video blog about this, I did however pussy out so decided to type it instead.
I shall call this lady Mrs Judgey, firstly because I don’t know her name and secondly because it’s catchy and I kind of like it.
So today while out with our children something was said and I’m not sure if it was bad timing or aimed at myself either way it really rattled me I’ll start at the beginning, we were at a country park with the kids (yep crazy fools we are we took all five) and the girls were playing with sticks, there was other children around and I had asked them nicely more than once to be careful and not hit things with them or swing them around other children incase they snapped and hurt or hit another child. After asking who knows how many times I looked over and they where hitting a statue thing with their sticks… again. Seeing this and worried about the other children surrounding them, I raised my voice very slightly and called girls in a short and sharp tone, the girls stopped and came to me where I explained again why we don’t hit things especially with sticks, around others and the dangers. Sometimes it’s hard to get all the girls attention especially in loud, busy places where they’re running and playing outdoors.
All of a sudden I heard “I don’t know why parents feel the need to shout at their kids” I mean this could of been bad timing or could of been aimed at me, but what the fuck?! So this is a message to you Mrs judgey. We have five children, they are well looked after, loved, nurtured and fed. Even if it wasn’t about me why would you feel the need to judge another parent? Yes it’s not ideal to shout at your kids (not that I actually shouted anyway) however it happens sometimes, we are all human after all. Why do you feel the need to judge others parenting? Being a parent is hard as hell. There are no books or courses that can teach you to teach your child to listen to you every single time you ask or tell them something and sometimes you need to get their attention and quickly. Parents get judged far to often on all sorts of weird and wonderful things, feeding, sleeping, clothes, discipline, a child’s behaviour and until you’re that parent to that child/ren you have absolutely no right to pass comment. As long as a child isn’t being physically or mentally damaged or neglected then I can guarantee your input is probably not welcome, especially when it is negative and unhelpful. Don’t get me wrong if a parent is clearly struggling and you want to offer a hand that’s great for example a mother at a supermarket trying to carry all her bags and the toddler that’s thrashing around in full blown tantrum mode because you wouldn’t let them play with the industrial floor cleaner, then yeah offer to help with the bags or even just a “I feel your pain parenting is hard work, can I help at all?” kind of comment wouldn’t go amiss.
Parents worry about enough about if they are being judged, are doing the best or right thing and first time or less confident parents could be extremely upset and hurt by negative comments on their parenting, not to mention the fact no body has any idea what is going on in a strangers life, they could be struggling, suffering with post natal depression, or just having a bad bloody day. My children where not harmed by me raising my voice slightly to get their attention, however it could of potentially saved another child from being hurt. They carried on playing and we had fun. They covered me in debris from the trees and ran around chasing each other, laughing and enjoying themselves. See pictures below of happy children having fun (all be it at my expense, my poor hair).
I am fortunate that I am strong enough and able to not let snide comments bother me, some may not be. So next time you think about passing judgment how’s about you stop and think about how it could affect the person/s you are talking about wether directly or indirectly and if it’s actually constructive. I’m really rather proud of myself for holding my tongue at the time and not letting loose on you there and then to be honest, purely to stand up for parents everywhere struggling and worrying about if they’re good enough or doing well enough for their offspring. However if I had of done that then I wouldn’t of been as good a parent as I try to be as it’s not fair for my children or anyone else’s to witness adults arguing. So yeah mrs judgey, next time please just think before you speak or voice your opinions loud enough for someone to hear, you don’t know what damage your comments could do.
Now my rants over.
Until next time