Week two of half term. Is it time to go back to school yet? 

Don’t get me wrong I love extra time with the kids over half terms but my god is it shattering, especially when having to work too. Then there is the fact the kids either get on and do stuff they shouldn’t , or fight and scream at each other constantly, the late nights, the more relaxed routine (that isn’t in anyway more relaxed if anything it’s more fucking stressful) , the more mess to clean up or the mum in me feels I have to find things for us to do everyday, because I don’t want them going back to school and not being able to tell their friends about their adventures. Is physically and mentally draining. The extra cuddles and time spent with the kids make up for it most of the time to be fair, but In all honesty though Monday can’t come quick enough now. Although when Monday does come I will feel bad for writing this (at least for a moment or two). The second week was much like the first with having to rely on good friends to help with the kids. So a massive thankyou to those that have helped. Not many people want five kids while I go to work for twelve hours , they don’t want to get up at stupid o’clock to look after them especially. Which is understandable especially given my kids can be a handful, although typically they’re all fucking angels for other people (if someone could teach them how to be like that at home too would be great)  so I do really appreciate the help I get. 

Monday.. 

I swapped my late shift for an early today because it was more beneficial for work and meant we could go out with the kids in the afternoon. Chris is off today as it’s a bank holiday so he has the pleasure of the little shit bags for the morning. We get up I get myself sorted for work , including packing a spare set of clothes to change after work, the kids stay in pjs as they typically got up late (couldn’t of done that on my day off hey!) and he takes me to work. A decided at 7.20 she wanted to come with me so gets herself dressed super fast and comes to work with me for the morning. I would tell you what they got up to in the morning, but that would mean finding the time to actually have a conversation with him which is impossible with how busy our life is, most nights we are lucky to even sleep in the same bed let alone have a chat. So anyway I do my shift (and it was an awesome shift) , finish , gets changed and chris picks me up with the kids . We then head to ploughmans garden centre it’s awesome there the kids love it. However I didn’t get any pictures as I was to busy trying to stop the kids pulling all the breakable stuff over and reminding myself it’s not socially acceptable to put them on leads while looking at all the beautiful garden things that no way in hell can we afford because yes we both work, but we also have a small army that eat and shit in our money. That’s right people kids are expensive little shits and always need something so if you go to work as a parent thinking you’ll be able to buy more things for your home or you, I will warn you now that won’t happen. As parents we also have this stupid inbuilt conscience that seems to put a block on us buying ourselves anything nice because although you may have the money, you feel the kids could use that new pair of sandals more (although they’ve got five pairs already). So anyway yeah we are at ploughmans , we go to see my grandparents who own the owls the kids hold and cuddle the owls, we then go on the steam train, back to the owls and head home . B convinced us to go to the bumpy road, it’s a massive road with loads of shitty hills that make you feel like you’re going to vom on you’re lap at any point called matchems lane (things we do for the kids ey). They’re all laughing their heads off on the journey down the road though and although really bloody loud is awesome to hear. We got home , had dinner , baths and bedtime routine. Chris takes the small girls as usual while I take the small boy child. The other two sit watching tv. They settle relatively well, then R and A are left and this is where shit gets interesting. A has decided she shall not even think about bedtime because she’s eight, you know! She is too big to be told when her bedtime is or asked to go to bed. She however in her quest to not go to bed turns into a bloody toddler, answering back, screaming, stamping , waving her arms around like an octopus on fucking LSD, jumping up and down. This carries on for a good half an hour until I eventually get her into bed now before R because she will intentionally keep R awake, she’s lost all technology privalidges for Tuesday. Have you ever tried to stay calm when you’ve a child that’s old enough to know better acting like a two year old? That shits hard, very fucking hard. I think I deserve some sort of award. Eventually she calms down and R has put herself in our bed so she can get some rest, bless her she hears it go quiet and asks if she can go to her own bed. So off she goes all is quiet for now. How the hell standing on a floor board can wake the three small kids up but a screaming , shouting, eight year old does not is beyond me, But for now everyone is sleeping. The night goes as usual B wakes up with tummy ache. We are at the point with this that we think it’s more habit than actual pain now because it’s every day. So we get some squash on a medicine spoon and magic she’s asleep again (good old placebo). Then the boy child wakes for the first of what seems like about 30,000 times. Until eventually I get into his bed. 

Tuesday.. 

I’m just gunna whack this in here it’s now actually the following Wednesday, but my week has been so good damn busy I don’t even remember if I’ve had time to poo let alone write. Infact this is how I’m currently writing .. multitasking pro hey?? 

So as it’s half term the kids couldn’t possibly lay in and instead get up at the absolute arse crack of dawn…. again. This time the boy child is still asleep and so I send them back to play for a bit until he wakes up. Lasted all of ten minutes before I hear….”mum B popped in my face” from R .. popped, in our house is the child equivalent of farted but I don’t like the word fart , no idea why, I just don’t. So I reluctantly remove myself from the warm, cozy, bed that has improsoned me, to find out why one child has felt the need to expel over 300 poo particles into another’s face! I ask what happened and B states “she wouldn’t play with me, now I’m not her best friend” .. I go on to explain why it’s not acceptable to pop in other people’s faces and they are sisters and a team and should play nicely. Whilst in my head I’m giving B an imaginary high five for her creativeness (you’ve got to admit that shit is funny, excuse the pun). So anyway I’m up now, and we head downstairs I go through the usual what do you want for breakfast and everyone wants something we haven’t got. Eventually they all settle for corn flakes with sugar. Corn flakes are the only cereal I allow them to have sugar on and that’s only because I can’t able arsed buying Frosties as well as corn flakes. At this point the boob monster is demanding the boob he’s so desperately missed for the whole three hours he’s been solidly asleep. I bring him downstairs and feed him then go for my morning poo(this time I lock the door no kid is ruining this moment for me). However I do come down to this  i think there is five kids in there somewhere. I then tell the girls to get dressed , while I dress the boy child and we do some colouring after. Sounds good right? Well there is five of them and only two pink pencils. Note to all the mums out there always buy enough for one per child, it’s just not worth the stress. They’re fighting and playing tug of war with the pencils, yes that’s right bloody pencils. So I do the whole “but you’re colouring grass so you don’t need pink you need green with that triggered “but I want to colour the flowers”.. really?! Because clearly flowers can’t be anything but pink obviously ?! After about ten minutes they’re all colouring one item each with four different colours. Then I get a text that reads “I’ll be over about lunchtime” … bollocks! I completely forgot Lyn was coming over with the kids and they’re camping in the garden tonight. I ask her to grab some extra mince , Bolegnense sauce and pasta so I can make enough dinner for all of us. It’s the boy child’s nap time, for the girls that means tv and tablet time just to keep them quiet so I can get him to sleep. I take him up feed him and get him to sleep on my return downstairs they’re now fighting over the tablet. That’s it I’ve had enough of the fighting and it’s only 9.30am. So I suggest going in the garden and they all do. That gives me time to clean, the boy child to sleep and the best part… some quiet for half hour at least until the “mum I need to pee” “mum I need a drink” “mum she did this” starts. I clean up and make a cuppa that for the first time since I can remember I can drink hot. It’s amazing the things you take for granted before you have kids hey? He sleeps until lunchtime while I am out in the sun and the kids are all being good. I might add they’re only being good because when they’re in the garden they’re all off doing their own thing and staying away from eachother. Anyway the boy wakes I make lunch and we chill for a little bit. Then Lyn , Jaff and the kids turn up with a massive tent part of me is petrified 8 kids overnight in the garden with one adult the other part relieved, because we may have half a chance of getting a reasonable sleep. They’re all excited to “camp” Lyn and Jaff put the tent up while I make dinner and get ready for work. I’ve decided there is no way in hell im letting eight kids eat spag Bol in my lounge firstly Isaacs allergic and secondly I can’t be arsed to clean it up so they have a picnic dinner and we make out it is amplifying the camping experience for them (parenting hack there saves mess inside and the birds, cats or some other animal is sure to eat the mess left). We eat and Chris gets back, he then takes me to work. I tell the girls enjoy camping , I will miss you and I’ll be honest I do hope they enjoy it, I will miss them but I’m deeply hoping they don’t escape the tent, or knock on my window in the night. At least at work my anxiety won’t bother me as I’ll be busy. 

I get home from work about 11.45pm and before I do anything I go and investigate the tent situation, making sure I can’t hear any awake kids etc. I spot two unopened cans of cider outside it which Chris has clearly left making me think he must of thought Lyn needed them she however didn’t drink them. I get inside and text her “I hope everything’s ok out there” she replies “yup everyone’s asleep but all huddled on Me” I laugh so much I nearly wake the boy. I express then head to bed, Chris isn’t there he is up with the boy child. Haha sucker that’s me getting a decent sleep at least. (He is a good guy). I get into bed where I starfish and cherish every moment of it so much so I can’t sleep. Then I can’t sleep because I want to bring my babies in and end up having a debate with myself about given them a chance to have fun and not ruining it because of my anxiety and I eventually fall asleep and stay asleep ALL night. That’s right I slept all night! I don’t think anyone else did however. 

WEDNESDAY… 

Im going to be honest, Wednesday is a bit of a blur I woke up more tired than I would of been if I was up half the night. Why the hell does that happen? I do know I spent most of it in the garden with Lyn and the kids. Just after lunch my mum turns up and takes the girls for the evening so I can work Thursday. Then Lyn and Jaff go to and it’s just me and the boy child for a while (weird experience that was). I cleaned up and that’s about it. Oh actually something great happened today some prints I ordered arrived, but I’ll write about those seperatly. He went to bed relatively simply, but proceeded to wake up every hour through the night. In the end I stayed up there until about 4.30am where I went down and woke chris to take over so I could get a couple hours sleep. 

Thursday… 

I got up and had a feeling of what it would be like to just have one child, it makes me uneasy, it’s relatively straight forward, stress free and that just isn’t right! I get him to nursery and go to work. 

Chris is working by me so brings me home and This is the most odd experience yet. It’s just me and Chris. We have a couple of hours us time and it’s weird but nice. I will spare you the details of what we got up to, but you can imagine haha. Sorry to our parents if you’re reading this.. (That’s a lie I’m not really sorry) 

He heads to get the boy child from nursery. Chris and the boy child get back and I start the boob and bed routine while Chris goes to rugby. As I sit wondering where the girls are as they should be back around now I hear noise outside. Mums back with the kids. Wondering why she hasn’t come in with them I go downstairs and start cleaning up while they’re all playing in the garden before I pop outside for some “air”. At which point I hear .. “what the hell are you doing home” like I’m not welcome at my own house haha. She didn’t think I finished until 8 and was waiting for chris to get back from nursery because his car wasn’t there haha. She comes in with the kids and as usual the moment I say “make sure you’re quiet your brothers in bed” it’s like someone presses the infanate volume button and each one of the four girls goes full volume. I con mum into helping me get them to bed before she leaves in return for a cuppa I completely forgot to make her (sorry mum). She heads home and I clean up ( i swear I’m forever fucking cleaning up). It’s like the kids walked In and created a tonrnado without touching anything! I host my breastfeeding hour on the McParents Page and head to bed ready for the whirlwind night ahead. Me and chris again split the wakings between us. 

FRIDAY… 

We got up late .. whoops, I got ready for work as did chris. My friends Sally and dan turned up With little E and C at 7.30am to watch the girls and we went to work. (Thankyou so much guys for helping out)  When I get home all the kids where in bed asleep as was Chris however the house was a state to the point I did wonder if they had killed him. He does a lot in the house and with the kids in fairness, is tired and the amount of times he gets home and the house is a mess I can’t really moan. Although I think about it while cleaning the kitchen, I don’t I leave him asleep, pack for kas’ tomorrow, then head to bed. 

Saturday.. 

Earlier in the week I decided to invite me, Chris and the kids to Kas’ again as you do! Because Chris had rugby out of town so as gunna take us on the way and come stay with us when he was done. Me and Kas also invited Kerry (another mcparents admin) and a couple other admins that where close. Only Kerry could come though the others couldn’t warrant the travel unless they could stay and Kas’ house just isn’t big enough. However we have agreed we need a mass meet up and have a few admin weddings and birthdays coming up (look out for those blogs they will be interesting to say the least). 

So yeah Chris decides we have to leave super early so he can have a sleep in the car before rugby. Luckily we packed most things last night and so are up and out the door at 8.30. He drops me off by 10.45 and we breeze in like we own the place as you do. Haha . Chris stays for a bit and runs Wayne to the shop before he heads off to rugby. The kids are off playing already so we are sorted pretty much. It’s funny how it’s less stressful with more kids than less don’t you think? They go see the ducks, while me and Kas sit and catch up between chasing the boy child around for fear he will hurt himself as his new favourite toy is the back door. R’s tooth is twisted because it’s so lose but is stuck between her tooth next to it and the adult tooth behind it so Kas convinces R to let her help it out (by convinces I mean we bribed her because it’s hurting her) after about fifty failed attempts we have a tooth out and no longer annoying R. Watching it was hilarious (how I wish I could upload a video to this). The amount of times the string slipped off until finally it stayed on and Kas had hold of the string and R moved backwards and didn’t even notice she had pulled the tooth herself. 

 Then the door goes… it’s Kerry, Mike , P and little A (Kerry informs us she has forgotten wine so we toy with the idea of not letting her in but we are nice so dont send her away) I’m so excited to meet them and it’s like  we’ve known eachother years we all chat and laugh , while the boy has turned to Velcro and won’t leave my side. The kids are playing nicely in the garden, they really are a great bunch of kids (when they’re getting on at least) well bar the couple of 8 turned 18 year olds that are hiding in the bedrooms on laptops and xboxes. I’ve got to say I want Kerry’s top “stressed but well dressed” it’s amazing. And Wayne is a clever man he made the see saw himself the kids loved it.

We enjoy a lush BBQ cooked by Wayne it was so nice. Then it’s time for Kerry and her bunch to go :(.. we promise her wine so we make her down a glass before she leaves while we pour one for ourselves. Weget the  smalls ready for bed they’re all filthy, but you know what they’re exhausted so a wet wipe wash it is for now. Chris gets back and helps with bedtimes. We get them in at a reasonable time although only the small three are asleep the rest are quiet and settled. So we head back to the garden with Wayne and Chris. Pour another glass and start an adult evening. It’s a massive laugh we have great fun. The kids are now all asleep and Me and kas get a bit camera happy haha. Sending the other admins an abundonce of selfies as you do. 

Most looking very much like this. Because well we don’t get to adult much. We head to bed around 1am and suddenly realise we forgot to be the fucking tooth fairy. So now we have to full on stealth mode past loads of kids to get some money and a note under the pillow for R , by we I mean me and kas haha. She writes a note and we head on up. She has the creakiest floor boards I’ve ever fucking known and how we didn’t get caught between the floor boards and our mildly tipsy state is beyond me (I feel the need to add chris and Wayne are not tipsy as chris has to drive and Wayne is on strong painkillers) but we manage. Kas is a much better person then me with her thoughtful note. I was literally just going to write , well done on your first tooth love the tooth fairy. Haha. 

And we head to bed but not before Wayne is walking down the stairs to get something and trips (he didn’t fall before you think we are as evil as he does) and we literally wet ourselves laughing at the poor bloke. He has a bad back and we are trying to unbelievably hard not to laugh, but it’s hilarious at the time and we are howling. Until we are snapped back to reality by the kids stirring and we scuttle off to bed still sniggering. He was not happy with us for laughing as (although we didn’t realiseat the  time) he hurt his back more doing so. Me and Chris have a double(if you can call it that haha) and a single air bed so he takes the single and I take the double because we won’t both fit on one. Until he resorts to the sofa as he is uncomfortable. 

Sunday.. 

4am, yes 4 bloody am B wakes up and I’m so scared she will wake everyone else like last time I bring her down with me and we snuggle on the air bed, although she thinks it’s a bouncy castle and everytime one of us moves the other goes flying haha. The boy actually slept all night. The others didn’t wake until around 7.30 either and played upstairs B and the boy child wake around 8, by about 8.30 me and Chris are surrounded by a farm of children all asking for food. Kas gets up (thank fuck for that because I was about to let them eat everything she owned) and they all eat I say eat, more like feast and me and chris pack our stuff up ready to go. Trying to get the kids dressed is beyond a task something that normally doesn’t take that long takes an hour and a half nearly! About 11 we say our goodbyes and head home to get ready for the first day back at school tomorrow. 

We get home and Chris goes shopping with R to get her new school shoes , all the girls new lunch  boxes and food. He takes B with him also telling her she isn’t getting anything as we can’t afford it, but she can go with him as she is upset he’s going. Leaving me with the boy child, G and A, who are all tired and miserable. I put the boy child to bed and G and A play on the tablet and a phone purely to keep them awake and happy. About 1pm my dad turns up to see the kids , im exhuasted because sleeping in an air bed just doesn’t work with a four year old and they’re so loud. He is so good with the kids they play for ages before dinner is done and are all having a great time. They love it when grandad comes as do I.  We all eat and he heads home while we bath the kids and get them to bed ready for school. Bedtime went relatively smoothly In all honesty though they’re all to exhausted to fight it and know I’m to exhausted to put up with any playing up at bedtime. When they’re in bed me and Chris get everything ready for school and work and head for an early night. 

So yeah that was week two of half term and I’m totally and utterly, mentally and physically exhuasted as is Chris. Thank fuck for back to school, the kids are fed up of eachother and I’m fed up of them being fed up of eachother. They miss and need the routine and  structure of a school week to function even slightly normally. Although I do have to say the extra time and cuddles have been amazing. 

Again thankyou hugely to the people that helped us out. Without your help we wouldn’t both be able to work and keep the kids happy. We really appreciate it. 

Until next time :). 

Much love 

Kate 

Half terms combined with work and kids 

So we are a a week into half term. Now given my mind being fogged by tiredness I should not be aloud to make important decisions, as I set my hours to go from part time to full time on the first day of the Easter holidays. We’ve worked with it as with five kids we both need to work full time. Half terms with kids are a minefeild when you work takes weeks of planning, begging and  organising all of which im shit at unless it’s under pressure or to do with work. (If someone could tell me how I manage to be super organised and relatively streesfree at work but not at home in half terms that would be great).

It’s been a hectic week to say the least. 

Monday

 I got the two small ones up, dressed and out the door for 7.45 to get them to nursery for 8 and my to work for 8.30am. Work have been amazing they understand that nursery doesn’t open until the moment my shift should start and so agreed for me to start half hour later Mondays and Thursdays. The three eldest stayed out Sunday night so I could work Monday. I worked a twelve hour shift then came home and chris had got the small ones from nursery , the older ones my mum had dropped off and all five were all in bed. I was shattered, but needed to express before I went to bed. No sooner had I finished expressing did the small boy child wake up and that was me I fed him and fell asleep doing so. I woke up on his bed and my phone was on his toot toot race track. Yes that’s right he had either not fallen asleep properly or had woken and gone for a play while I napped. I heard poor chris get up more than once with B and G. 

Tuesday 

The morning came and I think I’d had about 4 hours sleep in total. My friends girls came over early morning about 7.30 as we childcare share in the holidays to enable us to work and the kids not to miss out. So I help her and she helps me and it works really well :). All seven kids are eating breakfast (really bloody loudly) and I decide there and then I will see if we can get a bouncy castle as it’s a lovely day, and the noise outside in the garden is a lot better than the noise inside the house. In fairness the girls are good girls and mine just run off and play with them so it’s no different to just having mine. Message Alfie’s bouncy castles and ask if There is any chance they’ve one spare to rent for the day knowing full well it’s unlikely, but hoping they do….. Bingo, they’re so helpful and lovely, they have one available so I book it for the smalls to arrive around 10am. I don’t tell the kids because I can’t possibly bear them asking me every thirty seconds when it’s coming I’m too tired for that shit on repeat. I’m discussing with them how I’m going to pay as I’ve no cash on me and the post arrives (perfect timing) , a card from my nan with some money in for the kids I ask the kids if they’d rather put some of their pennies towards the bouncy castle or save it (yup bad mummy) They all agree to put towards the castle for them and their friends (it’s a hugely shocking experience) they never agree on anything let alone decide they want to share their money to get something for everyone. I’m filled with pride for how sensible they’re being (while trying to figure out who swapped them for someone else’s kids) I transfer the money I was going to use into savings for them. 

The bouncy castle arrives at 9.15am (have I mentioned how amazing Alfie’s bouncy castles are) they arrived early knowing the kids are now excited because they’re now aware about the bouncy castle. I sign a waver to basically say if the kids fall off it’s not their fault (fair enough to be honest if a kid falls off though I’m not taking the blame either) they even throw in a couple free space hoppers (I honestly can’t thank Ian and Ali alenough). I sit the kids down and give them the usual rules I know they won’t listen to, no jumping on the sides, of the front, on eachother and be careful. The kids are amazed, over the moon and out in the garden while I clean breakfast stuff (not listening to the rules I set out) sighing seconds i had to go out to tell them to sit for a minute and remember the rules because B came in screaming that her and G had bumped heads while bouncing into each other on purpose. All the same They’re having so much fun and it’s lovely to see (obviously is now quiet inside too which is also amazing haha). 


G asks if her friend H can come over so I call his dad and he comes over too, plus Another friend of mine is off uni , so now 8 kids turns to 11 as she comes over with her three small people. Normally I’d be pulling my hair out thinking about that many kids at mine, but this bouncy castle is hours of fun and they’re all playing beautifully if you exclude the petty little arguments. A good friend of mine also comes over to see us. We all relax in the garden while the kids play. I use the term relax loosely as one of the kids always wants a piss, drink, or something but they can’t remember what, regardless they’re having fun. They all have lunch and play some more. H goes home about 2.30, my friends two girls get collected around 3pm, Joan heads home around 4 and at 4.15 I start dinner for me my friend and all the kids. I run to wash my hair while dinners cooking, The bouncy castle is collected at 5 while I’m cooking dinner with a towel wrapped around my head , Dish it up at 5.10 and am eating and trying to talk to them at the same time feeling really rude (still with the fucking towel around my head), but I have to leave for work at 5.30 and I’m not even dressed for work yet (whoops). I eat super fast, any parent will know this is a skill you acquire pretty quickly after expelling a small human from your body. Chris walks in I’m hoping around with one sock on, my work top on , trying to brush my hair and get my trousers on at the same time. Lyn offers to have the kids so he can drop me in, that saves us the arguments about who’s sitting in what seat in the car that we have every time despite the kids seats being in set fucking places because frankly we can’t be arsed to move car seats around every time we go out. Chris gets changed quickly and takes me to work (he’s a good egg). I get home around 11.30, I’m exhausted but express before heading to bed. My head hits the pillow and the boy Childs super senses have kicked in! My first thoughts , fucking wonderful, but I get up feed him and surprisingly he goes back off until 3am ish. Chris deals with the girls through the night while I deal with the small boy. 

Wednesday

I wake up with the boy at 5am and he goes back off again I head back to bed praying for a lay in.. pahahaha I should of known that pissing prayer wouldn’t of been answered. 6.30 yes that’s right 6 fucking 30 in half term on my day off G wakes up as does A and being the kind caring sisters they are, they can’t bear to be awake without their sisters so within half hour all four of them and demanding all sorts. None of the items they want being breakfast unless you class sweets, chocolate, Christmas presents or to write their birthday lists (which are a year away) as breakfast. Chris heads to work and I con a couple of the kids to lay in bed with me for a little bit just as the boy child wakes up. I bring him down and he signs milk please. So I feed him and bribe A with treats if she makes breakfast. She does bless her and they all sit and eat while I finish feeding the boy child. When I enter the lounge they’re playing happily however it looks like we’ve not cleaned for a week. 

I get the boy breakfast which is pancakes and also the only god damn thing he will eat bar safe chocolate and they all play while I attempt to wash and clean up. I take him up to bed about 9.15 as is he frantically signing , milk , please , sleep. I lay and feed him while listening to the girls playing it’s actually really nice. He doses off and I head downstairs. Head into the kitchen and they’ve found the fucking play doh bag I thought I’d hidden really well. I tell them they can play with a little bit but it has to be kept relatively tidy, not all over the floor and swept and moped before the boy wakes because he is allergic. Why the hell I thought they’d listen to me I do not know. My children are only interested in listening if it involves bribery in the form of sweets. This is what I was met with after cleaning the bathroom  🙄🙄

That’s just a little and not spread everywhere in my children’s eyes clearly they meee to go get their glasses checked because they sure as hell ain’t seeing what I am! They play for an hour or so and I know he will wake soon so the next half hour is spent battling to get them to help me clean it up. In the end I got fed up of asking and resorted to “right all of you, on the sofa now” and I cleaned up the newly decorated floor. Right on que the boy child woke. I posted the above picture on Facebook and got a call from (and this might sound weird) my ex partners, ex girlfriend (remember my blog co parenting done right) Louise in a panick as if she hadn’t seen my picture she wouldn’t of known the boy was allergic to it and she is having the kids Friday for me. I would of told her obviously, but I’m pleased she called and checked. The rest of the day was a blur of cleaning, fighting , tantrums, yelling (surprisingly the kids yelling not me) , mess and constant demands. The one thing that did stand out is sending G to her room because she had been naughty to go up ten minutes later to find this. Until chris got home at which time we had dinner and he took the three older girls to my friend Tara’s for the night so I could work Thursday. I spend most of the evening texting tara thanking her and checking on the kids. The night went as usual minimal sleep even if we were down three kids.

Thursday.. 

I fed the boy silly o’clock somewhen. The morning and went back to sleep with him because sometimes it’s just fucking easier. Before anyone says anything , no I’m not making a rod for my own back, yes he does need soothing to sleep, yes I’m exhausted, as is chris, no I’m not letting him fucking cry it out! 6.45 I get up with the boy and B,Chris gets B dressed then gets sorted for work while I sort the boy . 7.30 he leaves for work and I get into my uniform. The  boy is not in his happy place this morning and I have to do the whole knee hold to get in the buggy trick eventually he’s in so I whack some make up on while yelling at B to get her coat on because I’ll win the race otherwise ( I didn’t know it was a race until those words fell out of my mouth) it worked thank fuck. We head to nursery. The boy screaming in his buggy I’m sure the people walking their dogs thought I had seriously injured him or something the way he was screaming and the way they looked at me. We get to nursery with ten minutes before they open the door and the boy starts signing milk please to me while making this awful shouty noise (at the ripe old age of 20 months he can’t talk yet so we are teaching him makaton). So I get him out and there I am stood in the nursery garden , tit out, stretched in a mega dodgy position I like to call boob aerobics , child attached feeding him before he goes in. He finishes fairly quickly and buggers off to play for a minute . Then I hear “mummy I made you breakfast” I turn around and am met with a mud pie that I’ve now got up convincingly pretend to eat. love my kids but it’s to early for this !! 

I’m rocking this whole mum stuff right now to be fair. The doors open and I head in take the boy to his keyworker who I’m sure he loves more than me. I don’t blame him she is awesome. Que B kicking off, she doesn’t want me to leave. The nursery manager is also amazing and takes her from my arms after a cuddle she’s kicking, screaming and trying to get her shoes off. The manager tells me to go and I’ve mixed feelings here, one being I feel bad and don’t want to leave her the other being I’ll be glad to get to work for the mental break from this half term so far. I call ten minutes later and she’s  fine bless her. Into work I go. Texting tara most of the day to check on the girls because I miss them.  I finish at 2, but get home late and head straight to the shop because Louise with L is due over for the night and I’ve got to get stuff for dinner. I get home about 4pm and Louise arrives shortly after only to whitness me cooking a last minute, 60 minute roast. Her words “you won’t gets roast cooked in that time babe” .. challenge accepted. I made my own yorkshires and had to cut the beef into thirds because it was so big, but my god it was amazing. Obligatory food pic below..

chris collects the small boy and B from nursery and arrives just as I’m dishing up. We eat together which as really nice then chris puts B to bed while I put the boy to bed. Chris then goes to rugby training.  Me and Louise decide it’s probably best that L is put to bed in my bed and moved. Bedtime for the older girls is as interesting as always infact more so as we have guests and so they don’t want to sleep and it ends up being a massive battle of wills .. I won eventually by the way haha. When they’re finally asleep me and Louise chill for a while before chris gets home, Louise moves L and we all go to bed. 

Friday..

Its my mums birthday today and I feel terrible I can’t see her but I’ve got to work. 

Poor Louise the kids are up and wide awake by 7 which is actually incredibly late for them. I got up late 6.50 to be exact and so did chris. So we rush around getting ready while reminding an already panicking Louise about where Isaacs safe food is and how not to let the kids touch or go near him while eating. We then rush it the door. I got home from work at 4.30 and everyone is still in pjs I’m far more jealous than I should be about this. The girls are busy telling me about the amazing day they’ve had and I’m exhausted doing the whole pretend to listen, nod, smile and throw in a few aww that’s lovely beautiful. While praising Louise on not being driven into a mental institute by the kids and wondering what the hell in gunna do for dinner as we’ve nothing in and it’s good Friday. Louise and L head home it’s been awesome having them stay. Back to dinner I’m still no further on so a text to chris to pick up McDonald’s the kids are over the moon with that so they eat and we bath them. G and R get collected by their dad, Chris battles to get B to bed and I attempt to get the boy child to sleep. As usual because I’ve been at work he is now scared the boob will be withheld forever so won’t let go for toffee. He finally falls asleep and I sneak away and ask A to go to bed surprisingly she does. We have a relatively easy night with the smalls (that’s right I didn’t believe it either to start with).

Saturday.. 

Chris has to work today because he’s Monday off and we can’t afford to lose the money so he goes off to work and I lay in bed with the boy child while A makes her and B breakfast. We get up and play for a while B is by 9am being rather defiant in sure because she misses daddy. I put the boy to bed and clean up. b wakes him not once but twice and the second time he’s not up for going back to sleep. Chris brother turns up with treats for the kids for Easter with O and she and the girls chat while they dig into their Easter eggs for an hour. Chris gets home just after lunch and starts cleaning the house like it’s been infested with some sort of contagious disease while moaning at me because I’m just chilling on the sofa watching April the giraffe in labour with the kids. (I don’t know what his problem is this giraffe is far more exciting than sorting washing). Did anyone see her give birth itvwas incredible. Amie’s asked to go to the trampoline park and so I booked it earlier. After getting the house sorted and the kids dressed we head there . 

For most people it’s great fun for me it’s the most stressful hour ever. Worrying about the small ones being crushed by the others there or broken bones and such. It’s just a massive bubble of anxiety. However I don’t show it and start teaching A how to do a few tricks I learnt from my trampoline lesson days she loves it. While Chris is giving me a mild heart attack by not being close enough to the small two for my liking (which in all honesty he was never going to be able to do unless he carried them the entire time) haha. When we leave we book a table at tgis for us , my mum and my bestie as it was mums birthday yesterday. The bestie can’t come so we go to collect mum. She’s really surprised especially since we gave her fifteen minutes notice (sorry mum). It was so nice eating out and not worrying about Isaacs allergies. And me and mum enjoyed a cocktail. 

Considering the table was for 7pm we got home mega late it was gone nine I think. So straight in and to bed for the kids. They all are shattered so went down simply. As normal though not for long. 

Sunday.. 

I woke up after a few hours sleep in the boys bed with him still firmly attatched to my boob. I sneak the nipple out of his mouth while hoping he doesn’t suddenly get all jaws like on me, I’m not up for that shit this morning. I head back to bed about 5 I think and get an hour and a half sleep before getting up and ready for work. Chris is home and not working so I let him deal with the small people and actually manage to get some make up on for work… I know that shocked me too. It’s probably helped by the fact they’d walked into the lounge and the “Easter bunny” has been. Chris keeps the kids up and collects me from work as he’s been playing a charity rugby game in the day while his mum watched and took the kids (thankyou julie). We walk in and I’ve not even had chance to take my shoes off and the boy is grunting at me and signing for milk wouldn’t even let me change so chris takes him while I do quickly. I didn’t even have time to ask the kids about their days. Cheers boy not like I may of wanted to sit down for a minute and rest after a twelve hour day.  And this is how I spent the next couple hours again he’s making up for a day without boob, because obviously the same milk he gets from my boobs(or should I say his boobs) just isn’t the same as from the source. I do love it don’t get me wrong but I could of done with a little time with chris this evening And felt bad as we’ve barely seen eachother and he was left to sorting the house. 

So yeah this week one of Easter half term. I’m shattered writing it and it’s taken me two days to do so. I cannot thank everyone that’s helped us so far enough for helping make sure the kids had a good time and Didnt miss out on the fun of half term even though me and chris were working. 

It’s now 12.20am Wednesday, I’ve been home from work an hour, just finished expressing and now need to try sleep. So that’s me for now :). 

Until next time. 

Much love 

Kate😘

Being spontaneous is not always ideal but avoids my anxiety and makes life more enjoyable. 

So I suffer with anxiety disorder and it really affects me and sometimes my children, although I try not to let it affect my children. It’s impossible or seemingly to hide it from them. On Saturday I woke up already in a foul mood from tiredness and the thought of going to rugby again with the kids. I wanted to do something different and get them out to enjoy themselves. 

I was asking in admin chat (I admin for the McParents Page go check it out it’s amazing) what I could do with the kids. All the girls were like come see me joking, or so they thought haha. Well kasi only lives an hour and a half drive from me so I was seriously contemplating getting the train up to her for the day. Until I realised my anxiety around trains and that huge, god damn, mother fucking gap, with five kids one of which in a buggy. I mean what if the buggy fell down it? What If one of the girls fell down it? What order was a supposed to get five kids off and lift them over it without one being snatched from the platform or running on the track? What if the doors shut before I could get all five off? What if the kids got restless on the train and we get kicked off? How was I supposed to take one to the toilet and watch the other four at the same time? The thought of it was stressing me out hugely so I gave up on the idea. I was talking to Chris late about it who then offered to drop me off, but said he couldn’t get us until Sunday as he had rugby and a night out with the lads planned after. I asked kas if there was a B and B nearby and by that point I was adamant I was going and the kids would have a lovely time as well as I would so this is how our weekend started. I invited myself to kasi’s, bearing in mind me and kasi have been Facebook friends for about a year and both admin for McParents so talk daily but have never actually met in person. 

So yeah we had decided I was going with all five kids. I felt I needed to check a million and twelve times that she was sure about me and my small army if disobedient terrors could invade her house, she insisted. Next thing I know , before I’ve been stepped foot out of bed chris is rounding the kids up and getting them dressed and they’re sleep over stuff ready. He had to be at rugby at 1pm so the three hour round trip had to be soon. By 9.15 just 45 minutes after these plans had been made we are piling the kids into the car. I’d like to say getting them ready was a simple task, but no the poor sods didn’t even have time to think about what we were doing because they were just getting request after request. “We are going on an adventure can you get dressed” “quick brush your hair” “who can get their toothbrush the quickest” we were met with the usual G couldn’t possibly leave anything behind so we ended up having a stand off trying to get her in the car. Which ended with me telling her I would buy her a treat if she just got in the car (while screaming in my head why the fuck won’t she do as she is asked and then telling myself off for being manipulated by a five year old) . 

So we are in the car on the way, we rushed out so quickly Me and chris have not eaten (the kids have) and I’m doing my make up in the car…. every women in the world has done this at some point don’t try to say you haven’t! B is dressed in the best accessories and actually looks amazing although miserable and completely non excited for our adventure. 

On our way my anxiety starts to creep in slightly. I’ve never met this person or her children, I’ve never been to this area, she is effectively a stranger to myself and my children. Chris re assures me he is with me and we will be fine I’ve spoken to this lady almost every day for as long as I can remember he ends it with plus you’ve got to get along as if you don’t like each other in person I’m not driving all the way back to get you (in a jokey way obviously) and it lightens the mood. We play old music all the way and are reminded by A that “I’ve not heard these songs you must be really old” … cheers kid , I’ve raised , fed, clothed you and you come out with shit like that! Lol. The car journey was pretty straight forward we were looking for motorbikes, sheep, cows and horses to keep the kids occupied until the smaller three fell asleep. 

So we arrive in westbury. Have you ever been to westbury? It’s like the middle of nowhere. It’s almost like we have traveled through miles and miles of countryside and someone has decided to plonk a town in the middle of it. I guess that’s what people think about where I live though to be fair. I have absolutely no idea where I am, but I’m here now it’s tough, no going back now. 

We arrive at kasi’s, wake the kids up and I go to investigate before we get them out of the car, just incase she’s secretly a dirty old man that’s been grooming me for the last fuck knows how long and only wants to see me so she can kidnap me (I wouldn’t blame her I am pretty fucking awesome) . I’m met with a hug and a massive smile (and she’s definitely not a dirty old man) I automatically relax a little.. phewwwww . Obviously that’s not to say she won’t kidnap us at some point in the next 24 hours but to be fair she’d give my kids back to chris within a couple of hours and is welcome to keep me until I’m rescued so I could have a nice break from the terrors and maybe a decent night sleep. We head back to the car and she says hi to chris and all the kids one by one, trying to figure out which ones which as they’re all tiny and very similar looking (bar the boy child obviously). R is so cute she puts out her hand and says I’m Rj pleased to meet you and shakes hands with kasi.  We head into the house, four of the kids very quiet and then we have R who runs straight into the house to investigate , she is running around like we’ve fed her five bags of skittles, up and down the stairs , past kasi’s kids not even paying attention to them but taking in everything and figuring out her way around ( I genuinely worry about this child and her lack of care about strange places and people). The others cling to me while chris says goodbye, I have the boy child in my arms , B clinging to one leg, G clinging to the other and A refusing to stand more than half a foot away from me. I’m trapped in a child net And being suffocated from lack of space and my own air. I say hello to kasi’s four children and her partner while trying to escape the children who have completely forgotten everything they know about personal space. After about half hour B spots the pool and runs off to investigate, then A figures out that F (kasi’s oldest) has a laptop and G stays close but lets go of my leg (good job I’m sure it was close to falling off). Realisation hits we have forgotten A’s glasses and so she can’t see properly (whoops) and Snuck hers in the car door (double whoops). Ah well they’re only glasses and who needs to be able to see properly anyway, not like we can pop home and get them haha. An hour or so passes and the kids are now all outside. Moaning because the pool isn’t completely full yet and children have no idea on waiting at all. So now me, kas and poor wayne (who was basically told a few hours ago we were coming) have 9 kids between us. Me and kas get on amazingly (bloody good job really because if we didn’t it could of been an awkward night and couple of days) and the kids are now playing. G as usual is doing her own thing, while B and D (kasi’s Youngest), A and F , and R and Ru (one of kasi’s boys) all group off and play. C (kasi’s other boy is doing his boy thing and not wanting to associate with the girls haha. Although all of them are in the garden playing in their groups keeping on still about the pool. 

Wayne heads to the shop and when he gets back he lets the kid access the pool, given the amount they’ve kept on you’d think they’d jump staright in… wrong they all push footed around it because it was cold and R even went as far as asking them to put some hot in haha. When they eventually get changed and start to get in A, F and C all getnin and play, RU and R start to get in and then change their minds , B says she wants to get in so I put her in , the scream she let off when she got in instantly informed us she didn’t mean it and now wants to be out . D is playing on the ladder and G is showing no signs of getting in at all and the boy child is still clinging to me. Me and kasi are amused at the fact they’ve kept on so badly and now are chickening out. The day goes on and D and B start argueing over who gets to stand on the ladder. We probably shouldn’t of it we look on wondering who’s going to win. Turns out they’re both strong willed buggers and end up both playing on it haha. 

Then I get parent of the fucking year award , I forgot the boy holds anti histamines and he is swelling from who knows what. I’m a twat I truly am. Luckily for me kasi has anti histamines so we give him some and eventually swelling starts coming down. Good job as we were seriously contemplating calling out of hours of it carried on. (This my friends is life with an allergy child) poor Ru also has allergies bless him hence why kasi has the meds we needed. 

Dinner time was interesting, we have a BBQ I have safe stuff for me and The boy child. The kids love it all outside with their food until the boy child goes out and kasi finds herself sweeping the concrete because of the cheese everywhere. In the end we find it safer to take the boy inside he is not amused by this but hey we had to keep him safe. As you can imagine by this time with nine kids running around we are mentally exhausted and so we crack open the prossecco (yes while the kids are up, judge away we needed that shit). We had a glass while the kids are playing and then get a text. “Knock knock” it’s Vicki and her other half with baby M . Vicki is another admin on mcparents again we’ve not met. So we are having like a giant stranger meeting. They stay for a bit and chat and we moan at her for not stopping to collect us wine. I think it’s the first time we’ve felt like adults yet been surrounded by kids in a long time. Vickis partner is throwing M in the air playing with him he’s giggling away (you know as dads do with their kids). Oh there’s my anxiety again my heart is in my throat even though it’s not that high and M is perfectly safe. Chris does this all the time and every time I want to kick him in the bollocks as hard as I can because it scares the shit out of me. Now obviously that’s completely unacceptable to do to someone I’ve just met especially given the fact he’s not doing anything wrong, it’s not dangerous and I’m massively over reacting. So instead I divert my attention to Vicki kasi and the prossecco I’m nursing like a newborn baby. So yeah we are chatting and having a laugh the kids all playing and it’s amazing. These people that I’ve been speaking to for as long as I can remember and only met in the last few hours are awesome and it’s like we’ve always been good friends. Then Vicki, Guy and M have to go. We say goodbye and We tell the kids that they can watch a film before bed this is the quietest they’ve been all day.

Then the most important part of the day…. bedtime. It’s got to be worked like a military operation. We decide that F and A should top and tail on the top bunk in the girls room, that B and G should top and tail on the bottom of the boys bunk bed , C and Ru should top and tail on the top bunk of the boys room, R and D should top and tail on the bottom bunk in the girls room and the boy child in the travel cot in the lounge with me . Seems like a good idea right ? Pahahahahah if anyone believes that shot worked they’re stupid .. just as me and kasi were when we thought it would be a good idea. 

It was not a good idea and we eventually stick the TVs on in both rooms. Where R, D, F and A all get on the top bunk and B and G the bottom and the boys in their room. The boys are quiet and settled the girls not so much. After an hour and a half of alternating going up and down to try settle them each time coming down and muttering  “fucking kids your turn” to each other we decide to move B into the boysbottom  bunk where she goes straight to sleep, and have R and G on the bottom in the girls room. D goes to bed with Wayne so she settles then is moved to the bed with B. So the boys fall asleep and two girls are settled. We put the boy child into bed and head to the garden for a much needed fresh glass of wine and a fag. When we get in he’s asleep so we have a little victory party because we’ve got five out of nine asleep and in our eyes that’s a win :). However we still have four very tired but very awake girls and now limited patience. So we go up turn the telly off and give them a lecture on sleep and how much they need it, did they listen? Hell no! They’re all too excited we give up and leave them to it. Knowing we are going to have some very tired small people the next day but we’ve run out of energy and don’t have enough wine to warrant all the calories we will burn running up and down the stairs. We head back to the garden we are chatting and learning a lot about each other and it’s lovely, the wine is also lovely , and the haribo. 11pm and finally its quiet everyone’s asleep and we’ve only actually had two glasses of wine each so that’s pretty good going. We have another glass or two and enjoy each others company under the stars . It’s like a blind date mum style . I can’t help but laugh watching kasi tirelessly blowing up an air bed like it’s a balloon , it takes her ages and is hilarious I would of offered to help but I was finding watching far more amusing. 1am we get to bed because.. well frankly once I start talking about stuff and I’ve had a few glasses of wine I generally don’t shut up until I pass out. 

4am …. yes four fucking am! We’ve had about three hours sleep and the boy child wakes demanding the milk makers so I put him on the air bed with me and feed him, the. I hear a cry from upstairs but can’t figure out what child it is it’s either B or D , Part of me wants to go help, the other , realistic part thinks it’s impossible if I leave the boy child he will scream, if I take him he will wake everyone … I’m stuck. It goes quiet. I think  thank fuck for that they’ve settled themselves back off. I was wrong ahah although they’d settled the morning came and kasi informed me both B and D woke and neither of us know which child woke the other. I felt terrible (for a couple seconds at least). The kids are hyper like they’ve had a really good nights sleep and we are exhausted walking mombies. The kids having breakfast is carnage, they’re all eating while the boy child is making his usual cereal carpet and I’m following him around trying to pick everything up until after about half hour I give up and decide I’ll do it when they’re done. They’re all running around and so so loud and me and kasi are playing along with them all smiles and giggles while wondering why the fuck we thought it’d be a good idea to have 9 kids in one house over night and Wayne is hiding upstairs Ive a feeling we’ve sent him over the edge. So we start a challenge “if you can all get dressed super fast we can go to the park” . Chris calls he’s on his way to get us so he’s now coming to the park with us. I get a few of mine dressed while A and R sort themselves out and kasi is chasing D around trying to get her sorted. B then arrives naked in the lounge like she’s lived here forever haha. I get her dressed me and kasi actually seriously contemplate a delivered full English, but we decide instead we will try tame this zoo of children and then I’ll go shop. A lot of muttered swear words, threats of no park and nakedness later. I head to the shop. Get bacon , eggs, haribo, and chocolates for kasi. I’ve made myself at home so I come back stick the oven on and start making breakfast the kids are all playing outside (thank fuck because they’re so fucking loud) and we eat and clean up. Chris arrives and I’m relieved the Velcro child wants him so my arms get a rest, until he wants boob again. So I feed him and he decides he wants to still feed but get off my lap. Kasi finds it highly amusing that he’s crawled off my lap nipple still in mouth and I’m bent on a c shape , with him attatched to my boob , stood up, trying to make sure he doesn’t rip my poor nipple off! I am not amused I don’t bend this way for a start haha. I would pop a picture here but kasi wasn’t quick enough haha.  Chris loads the car at this time cause it’s easier although I’m sure he’s thinking of a quick escape with the boy child. 

We round the kids up and by round them up I mean we shout right kids five minutes to get out the door or we aren’t going and head to the park. (I think we are all surprised they listen). I say goodbye and apologise to Wayne for the mayhem we’ve caused in his house this weekend, although I did offer to make him bacon and I’m sure he’s not human as he declined. Kasi said the park was just round the corner, kasi is a fucking liar! It seemed like forever walking with 9 feral kids, 7 running where they wanted , one in a wheelchair and one in the buggy. They were picking flowers , playing it, hiding behind trees, alternating stoping every three seconds . Finally we got to the park (I’m sure it’s like 2019 at this point). Then we realise we forgot the drinks Wayne made (wonderful parents aren’t we) so chris goes to the shop and the kids go play. This my friends is when I realised why the mums I hate, that use soft play as glorified baby sitters are actually really fucking clever. Me and kasi sit on a bench doing nothing .. that’s right nothing and the kids are all off playing , happy and getting along (proof right there miracles can happen) and it’s amazing, we can see them, they’re having fun, nobody is crying and we are relaxing. At this point I’ve completely forgotten I’ve got severe anxiety and am just happy, happy the kids are happy, happy I’m not shouting at them to be careful, happy I have let them have that little bit of independence and mostly happy I can relax while they play. 

We stay at the park for a good few hours and the kids have a great time . Before we leave we think it’s a good idea to try get a picture of all nine of the kids. It turns out We are fucking masters of good ideas that are actually shit ideas. If anyone’s wondering what it’s like to get a photo of nine kids in a park this about sums it up.

That’s right it’s fucking impossible, we even bribed them with ice cream and still couldn’t get a decent picture of them all looking and smiling. So we give up and head for the (what seems like a million and twelve miles) walk back. B decides she needs a wee and can’t possibly wait (fucking wonderful timing) the toilets are shut so we do the ever lady like thing is peeing in a bush. Then Her and D think it’s highly amusing to run around outside the park making me and kasi chase them until we eventually catch them. We get to the shop on the way back and the terror on chris face when he realises we were gunna take them all in to get ice cream is hilarious…. yes even if we didn’t get a picture of them all smiling and looking we got a picture of their individuality and personalities and that’s much more amazing than any other photo so they’re still getting ice cream. So he tells us to walk on and goes it alone into the shop (bastard why didn’t I offer to do that) we tame the beasts , well sort of poor kasi has to carry D while pushing Ru in the wheelchair because D is devestated we aren’t all going in the shop (fair point we did say we would) until we get back. Poor Wayne , poor , poor Wayne , is met again with a tribe of children he thought were going home in his house where he is trying to lay skirting. We stay for a short while then take a good half hour to say out goodbyes and head home. It’s an hour and a half drive home and within half hour more miracles happen. All five of my kids fall asleep in the car. I try to sleep but am sad we are leaving despite it being complete and utter mayhem and feeling like me or kasi could be sectioned at any given point we have had an amazing time and will miss Kasi, Wayne and the kids.  We have had an utterly amazing time and myself and the kids have made some amazing forger friends in complete strangers that live miles away. I had faced one of my biggest fears and come out the other side knowing I’m stronger than I think. Wether I could do it again with planning I’m not sure, but the fact I did it was a huge achievement and well worth it. The kids still five days later are asking when we can go back. 

So all that is left is to say a huge thankyou from the bottom of my heart to Kasi, Wayne and the kids for opening up their home and lives to us and for showing me there is more to the world than my little safety conscious bubble that I surround myself and my children in. You are amazing truly amazing. 

I hope you guys have enjoyed the read and if any of you suffer like I do I hope from this you get hope, you get strength and you realise even if it is spontaneous you can do anything if you want to enough. 
Until next time . 

Much love 

Kate 😘

R turns 6 the others turn into devils … 

So it’s R’s 6 birthday, this should be a joyous and wonderful occasion with minimal stress and lots of smiling… pffftttt who ever has convinced you of this is bullshitting. Children’s birthdays for parents are a bucket of stress, a teaspoon of parents tears, a pinch of harsh reality and A massive headache by the end of the day normally finished off with a glass of wine before 6pm. Admittedly there is some joy and pride in there but that comes after it’s all calmed down and you’ve time to think about it. 
Children don’t see this, especially mine they just see presents (normally ones they didn’t decide they wanted until the day before, so they don’t have and can make you feel guilty about for the next six months) and excitement that parents convincingly put on for the sake of the kids. 
So after frantically wrapping (with paper bought that day) and blowing up balloons the night before said birthday with Chris, as we are rather unorganised followed by a typical sleepless night. We are woken at 6.30am by a very excited R running into our room, closely followed by three other small girls and with a boy shouting at his stair gate. We paint a couple of really convincing smiles on some devastatingly exhausted faces and get the small boy child up to share the the excitement. 


We head into the lounge where R is shouting “look presents are they mine” an before we have chance to respond B replies “only if you share” .. I’ve got to admit I like her logic but also have to remind her it’s not her birthday, but she can help R by passing her presents to her. Before I’ve even finished my sentence the small boy child has run off with one of the presents. We get it back and R opens a couple of her presents and we agree the rest after everyone’s ready for school. 
So we go to get ready and A springs in us she’s got to dress as a crazy scientist! At 6.50am on the day she’s supposed to do it…. my initial thought is you’ve got to be fucking kidding me! Then all of a sudden out of my mouth slips “well you should of told us sooner, it’s tough now we don’t have time” . One of those sentences every parent wishes had stayed in thier heads. So now we have tears already, with refusal to dress and the obligatory “you’ve ruined my life” from the little ginger human, that currently has more horemones runnng around her body than blood cells. A quick message to a friend to check its true and then a google and I have a plan! I get sone felt pens and an old school shirt and make magic, in her eyes anyway and earn major mum points. (Although looking at her face in the pictures you wouldn’t think it) 


So R opens the rest of her presents and Chris heads to work. This morning met with more challenges than normal, because now there’s a bunch of new stuff in the house that can’t possibly be left. Ten minutes of battling with a now six year old that wants to take all of her presents to school, while also battling with a five year old that wants to take five balloons, a four year old that is telling everyone they can’t and pissing them off even more, a not even two year old attatched to my milk makers refusing to let go to get in the buggy, and an eight year old on repeat saying “mum am I the only one being good” over and over again. We settle on a balloon each to take and R can take one toy and I hand the boy a bag of apple fruit wigglies to distract him from feeding for long enough to at least get him in the buggy and I reassure and thank A for being so good. The walk to school I use the word walk loosely . It more resembles a stampede of children (with me muttering under my breath for god sake why won’t they just listen and walk nicely) that are all darting of in different directions or stopping to look at the crack in the pavement or in B’s case to collect snails.
 I get the three bigger ones into breakfast club and head home. I get B and the boy child their breakfast and clean up the carnage the kids have left without a care in the world (a mix of dirty clothes , toys, hair brushes and wrapping paper). We play for a while after breakfast and at 10.15am go to get R from school for her apt to collect her new glasses half hour earlier than I actually needed to. We then get a taxi from school to town where we go to gregs for a birthday treat before the apt. R and B chose cake while the poor boy was allergic to everything he dried mango pieces (as you can see below he is not impressed). The looks I got from some of the people in there for daring to give my kids cake before midday were pretty impressive to say the least. Just putting it out there, you judgmental people can think what you like they’re my children so keep your noses out! 

Now the fun starts… 
We get into specsavers (sorry to all the staff there), we sit down to wait and B finds a computer and starts playing with all the buttons . I move her away and explain we can’t do that, the boy child is moody because he’s missed his nap, but I know full well that if I take him out if his car seat there is no way in hell I will get him back in. R is making small talk with everyone encouraging them to wish her happy birthday. B goes back to the computer I must of removed her from it 6 times and by the last time inside I feel myself bubbling. I manage to scream in my head and calm myself down. Then we are called… phewww. R is trying on her glasses and B has found another play thing, a mirror and is licking it, fucking licking a mirror! I’m apologising over and over while trying to get her to listen to me (I failed at that just incase you wondered). We go to leave an she grabs loads of glasses off the shelf (this child is testing me beyond belief right now) , I put them back and calmly explain we can’t do that while in my mind screaming about how embarrassed I am and why the fuck this kid doesn’t listen to me, and march her out of the door using her full name (including middle name) and now she knows she is in trouble, so behaves for a short while we drop R back at school and go home. 
I am now battling with an over tired boy child and it takes me around 40 minutes to get him to sleep. I go down and doing the good mum thing I hand B the old iPhone and she goes to lay in my bed . I lock the door and go to join her we are both shattered and I’m looking forward to the awesome power nap we are about to have. Don’t ever look forward to anything for yourself as an adult!! 
The fucking door goes it’s the kitchen designer that I had told not to come until after 3.30 . If I wasn’t moody enough after the stress of the eye apt I certainly am now! I spend an hour entertaining then before they wake the boy child (that I had told them was in bed) up on their way out! So my mood gets worse. I get him up and paint on my best happy mum face . Then my mum walks in (thank the lord) I am now relieved I don’t have to take B And the boy child on the school run. He’s moody, I’m moody and she’s turned into some sort of possessed devil child more so than normal. 
School run time R took sweets in and is so good handed them out to all of her friends and is now handing them To all of the teachers she passes making sure she saves enough for her siblings and her two friends that are coming over one of which I collected from school with her. However the fact she has sweets has set G off as she doesn’t understand why she can’t have her packet until after dinner and why she wasn’t aloud to take any to school. She’s crying and yelling at me all the way home. While A is still reminding me of how well behaved she is being and was this morning (give her her due she has been amazing) 
We get home and R is excited to be showing her friend around the house like she’s never visited before. She opens her presents from my mum , Chris mums turns up as does R’s other friend and the kids play bar G who makes a den in my room and hides because there are too many people over.

All of a sudden I hear a scream from upstairs and A comes running down crying “mum B three loads of toys at my head” the kids on a power trip I think some days. So I bring B down and talk to her Asking her if she feels she should apologise (haha wishful thinking) instead she does the floor drop! Brilliant just what we wanted today she’s screaming and shouting rolling around the floor Luckily the kids aren’t phased and continue to play while I cuddle A and wait for B to calm down. R opens her presents from nanny. 

Then comes cake .. miraculously B stops and apologises before asking for her cake. The excitement R has when she sees cake is amazing. 

Her friends head home and we put G and B to bed closely followed by attatching the small boy to the milk makersand taking him to bed . He’s over tired so it takes forever to get him to sleep. R’s turn For bed was interesting. Bargaining with her about how many toys she could take as she can’t fit them all and herself on the bed. She settles on two after about 15 minutes of arguing with me about it. A takes herself off shortly after bless her. It’s now 8pm and I have a fruit cider and can relax until the bedtime wakings start at 9.10pn 

So yeah birthdays are fun for the kids and stress for the parents. The whirl wind of emotions is incredible . 
My babies growing up 
Look at how she grown in personality and size 
I made her the child she is today 
Where has the time gone 
I’m going to miss this 
I’ve got a headache 
Pass me the wine 
Are All things I tell myself regularly 
, Are thet worth the stress, 100 % 
Always remember the good things, positivity will get you through.

Just remember when the stress is over, sit back and think about the day picking out the most amazing bits.  It’s a lot easier To find the negatives than the positives in life And until you do you’ll live in A big bubble of stress. Cherie the stressful , joyful and tearful moments for they are the moments you won’t get back when your child is all grow up.  

I will be back tomorrow to catch up on the rest of the week. 
Hope you have a loveky evening 🙂 
Kate 😘

Having a c section doesn’t mean you failed at birth, being a women or your body’s broken

Today is R’s 6th birthday. Now I’ve not really spoken about my kids and their births as such so I may as well give you hers now. I had a beautiful water birth planned with only gas and air through out my pregnancy. However My waters had been leaking for weeks and at 34 weeks the little bugger dicides to shit in me. She clearly didn’t get the memo that, that shit is dangerous! So I was in hospital and put on a hormone drip, my friend Lizz was there claiming she felt sorry for me while snapping up photos that every year get posted to my Facebook. These two bastard ones being the most glamorous. 
Now for those of you that don’t know labour fucking hurts, every couple of minutes you feel like suddenly your skin and muscles are too fucking small for your body and every organ around the baby is trying to escape with the baby. If you’re anything like me and swear a lot anyway it makes for some very colourful language and sentences such as “just get this fucking baby out” , “I can’t do this shit” , “shut the fuck up, don’t tell me to fucking breath that’s not gunna help this shit” , “just give me the fucking drugs” you get the gist! However between contractions it was things like this.. “oh my god I can’t wait to meet her” , “please bring me food”, “thankyou Lizz For being here I love you lots” , and a load of jumbled entinox induced sentences that don’t make any sense. (Entinox by the way good stuff) even if it does make you sound a little like a darlic.. 16 hours … yes 16 painful god damn hours I was contracting every three minutes. Then the dr came in, “your babies getting stressed her heart rate is dipping dangerously low with each contraction we need to deliver now by emergency c section” … Are you fucking kidding me , I’ve gone through all this and now I’ve got to be sliced open like a fucking ravioli parcel?! (Did I mention I had a previous emergency section so I was trying a vbac) obviously my baby comes first so I agree. While feeling like I’d failed. It was awful knowing my body couldn’t get my baby out the way, nature intended and in turn it had stressed her. So they explain the proceedure (like I don’t already know). To be fair the first time I was too out of it to really know what was going on. The spinal … it doesn’t hurt they said …. bollocks that shit stings like a bitch and then as you start going numb you feel like your shitting yourself in their bed sat up naked waiting for them to move you before you fall. Warmth spreads from your feet to your chest and bam you’re numb. They lay you on the bed and it’s the weirdest feeling ever , you can feel people touching you, but you can’t at the same time. They use this awful cold spray (which is fine on the bits you can’t feel) to measure how far up and how numb you are. They then put a big blue sheet up just below your chest so you can’t see what’s going on.  Then they start cutting you and you may be numb from pain but the pushing , pulling, tugging you can feel all that shit. It feels like what I can only imagine it would feel like if someone was washing up in your stomach. Infact at one point I think I told R’s dad that it felt that way while on the table. The room is so bright it’s unreal, your looking around there is at least ten people in the room, anaesthetists , surgeons, nicu drs, maternity drs , midwives and I allowed a student in. Now I’m completely get some people don’t want students in, but I have had students at all my births because they need to learn and need willing mums to allow them to. All the students I’ve had in have been the Ones taking photos And helping to reassure me. While you’re laying their panicking the surgeons are casually talking about their next holiday! At the time I was fuming at them, felt they weren’t taking the situation seriously, but truth is everyone walks into surgery nervous even the professionals they’re just trying not to think about it. Mine and my babies lives were in these people’s hands that’s a pretty fucking big responsibility ! 

The moment came a massive tug, and I waited for what seemed like an hour but was only probably a couple of minutes …. no crying , why the fuck isn’t my baby crying, I know she’s out, they know she’s out, everyone knows babies cry when they come out, so why hell isnt mine! I hear the rustling of feet rushing to get her and pop her on the hot cot to be bagged (for those that don’t know bagging is another term for cpr)  then there it is… a squeak followed by a cry, the big blue sheet covering the open stomach and all my insides drops and over it pops a tiny baby with a dr shouting “quick look mum” , I cry , her dad crys then she’s taken again to be given some oxygen. They level her out wrap her in a towel and hand her to her dad. She then gets put on me until as I am still numb I feel I may drop her and she’s taken off to nicu. While I’m laid there being stitched up feeling everything they’re doing minus the pain (thank fuck) .

 I get taken round to recovery this is when it hits, they’ve taken my baby and I don’t know what they’re doing with her. I can hear other babies crying have nurses popping in every couple of minutes to do obs, I’m exhausted but can’t sleep. I got taken to a ward full of mums and babies where I express and sleep. They bought me a picture of her to keep by my side. The next day she is bought to me and we stay together for six days until we go home. 

After a c section you’re pretty much good for nothing. Don’t lift anything heavier than your baby .. Ha who ever suggested that clearly hasn’t had a c section with a toddler at home, you cough and it feels like your stitches are going to split , you stand up it hurts, sit down it hurts, you really can’t win. Now I’ve never experienced a vaginal birth so can’t comment. What I can say is this blog doesn’t say it’s harder to have a c section than a vaginal birth. I for sure think I’d rather stitches in my stomach than in my lady clam. I can’t imagine the sting when you try to pee after vaginally vommiting a baby out of something the size of a blueberry. I feel for you ladies massively. 

For about 18 months I beat myself up about how I didn’t do good enough, how my own body had failed me. It was awful I cried myself to sleep at night. I grieved the birth I’d never had. 

Then something clicked .. 

Did having a c section affect my child? No. 

Did having a c section make me a lesser parent? No.

Was it worth beating myself up over? No. 

Is my baby here and well? Yes. 

Should I be greatful that medical science has evolved and grown over the years to enable the medical professionals to of delivered my daughter safely? Yes. 

Babies are born in all sorts of weird and wonderful ways. Some in water, some by c section, some unassisted, some drug free, some at home, some in hospital, some with every drug imaginable, some in cars, some with forceps, some in toilets and more .. but guess what none of that affects the way you chose to parent your child, none of it means you have failed even if it didn’t go how you had planned, none of it determines your status in the mum society. All it means is you birthed a beautiful baby and you’re a very lucky and wonderful mum. So If you’re beating yourself up about how it went, for asking for more drugs when your birth plan says no drugs, because you needed stitches in your lady clam because they had to cut you or your stomach from a c section, because you laid on your back rather than stood. For any god damn reason at all during your birth…..STOP. Yes you may grieve the birth you wanted, but you did it .. you birthed a beautiful child.. and that makes you incredible! 

So I applaud each and every one of you ans you should applaud yourself too! 

On another note this totally started out in my head as me telling a quick birth story then going on to the rest of R’s day. Instead I started writing and couldn’t stop as I felt this needed its own blog. 

Much love 

Until next time 

Kate😘

My working weekend

Saturday…

So as you may of read in yesterday’s blog I woke up with the small boy child pulling the covers off of me and pulling my foot to get me up. As cute as it was I was holding back calling Chris so I could dose back off. The mum in me got up and Went downstairs where Chris was with A and B, gave the boy child his breakfast and I snuck off for a poo. Every bit of me was having to fight curling up in one of the girls beds and going back to sleep. I got washed and dressed and changed the boy then sat on the sofa unable to move. My friend turned up to collect me as we are going to the piercing shop. I need my tongue redone as it’s healed over and she a new piercing. 

We get to the shop and I explain I’ve had my bar out for five years and can’t get it back in so he takes a look whacks a pin type thing through it and looks at me like I’ve got two heads. “It’s still pierced go next door get a bar and I’ll fit it for you” only I could be that dosey as to not realise, I was just putting the bar at the wrong angle 🙄😂. So I head next door get a new bar and bump into another friend have a chat for a while and head back where I watch Sally get her piercing and then sit in the chair myself feeling like an absolute twat while the guy shoves a bar back into my tongue. Plus side is it saved me £25 we don’t have. She drops me home and we get the kids ready. 

When we saw my nan last week she was raving about the meat man at the market, so we went to pay him a visit. She was right we got so much meat for £45 it’ll feed all seven of us for a couple of weeks. While there we have a look around and the kids buy some dried fruit to walk around with. I then spot a home made preserve stall and automatically home in on the lemon curd (that shits amazing). I state “oh my god we need this I’ve not had any since I was young” and all I hear is “oh right because you’re old as hell aren’t you” I look up to see a greying, older man and automatically realise this is one of those … mouth engaged before brain moments. I apologise and buy my lemon curd knowing full well I’ve accidently insulted the poor guy (sorry again lemon curd dude). We walk around looking at stuff all of a sudden I see shiney , breakable, stuff directly in front of us . The kind of stuff you can’t have when you’ve got kids, but know would look amazing in the cabinet in the lounge. So I redirect the kids before we have to pay for the entire stands worth of stock. Stupidly didn’t pay attention to where I redirected them to, now we are stood staring at toys to save any arguements or public floor drops we buy B some bubbles on the condition she shares (haha she won’t actually share she will however agree just to get them) , we get a couple things for R for her birthday on Tuesday and we head out, after having to retrieve the boy child from the cupboard he’s gotten stuck in. 

We get the kids in the car using bribery that we will get chippy on the way home. The drive home is long and the entire time we have an over tired boy child screaming, it’s a lovely noise honest! We try everything to soothe him, but nothing works and so jump into; just get the fuck home mode. 

Stopping at the chippy, the boy still screaming, B now crying she wanted to get out with daddy and A singing the wrong words to the radio. Chris is in the chippy forever, all he’s getting so a couple portions of chips when he gets back I bark at him “how the hell does it take that long to get some pissing chips” he then tells me they make to order, they don’t have them ready to serve (what sort of fucking chippy does that). We shan’t be going back there although it’s great they’re fresh it was meant to be quick! 

We get home, B has been fine since daddy got back in the car and the boy child is still screaming so much I’m now thinking the pulsating veins on his head may pop at any point. I pick him out of his car seat and it’s like a switch has just been pressed.. he just stops instantly. I take him up to bed as he’s clearly extremely over tired, feed him and lay with him then this happens … 

This is possibly the cutest thing I’ve seen he sits and feeds his baby. He loves dolls and although has a massive mixture of toys this and another doll are his favourite. We were in smyths one day and he picked one up and wouldn’t let it go, so we got it for him. Every night since she’s taken it to bed with him and slept cuddling it, he also takes it to nursery and for naps. Afte half hour of feeding, patting and trying to convince him to sleep, I give up and we go join Chris and the girls in the garden. 

We ply for an hour before heading in for tea. Chris cooks the steaks we got from the market and some chips (yup that’s right chips for lunch and dinner today) . I’m starving and looking forward to my steak so much. It’s dished up and the kids enjoy it too. The boy child has decided he wants to sit at the table with the girls. So we help him up in the hope he might actually eat something, (haha I don’t know why I thought it would work) he just pushes his bowl around and plays with it as usual . 

It’s a relatively straight forward bedtime the kids are exhausted so B goes down simply and the boy child only has minimal resistance until I go to leave his room when he kicks off, so I lay with him and stealth mum out when he’s asleep. A heads to bed without being asked for the first time like ever! 

Me and Chris chill , by that I mean he falls asleep and I spend my night in admin chat for The Mcparents Page before a very important Skype call with a lovely lady about being in with the chance to be entered into a mums club with a Lovely lady that helps look at the reasons children don’t sleep and how to help them sleep in a gentle way.

 This really interests me as you’ve probably read if you’ve seen my previous blogs. Sleep is a rarity in this house and is very much affecting me , Chris and the kids. The call is great we talk about the kids, their births and what the club involves. I am exstatic because it doesn’t involve the usual crap health visitors, Gp’s and other sleep “experts” suggest such as; crying it out, controlled crying and stopping breastfeeding. I’m not up for stressing my children out no matter how tired I am. I have tried most “gentle” ways to help them sleep and even then they don’t seem that gentle. I’m really hoping I get a chance to be involved in this, firstly because we all need sleep before we all burn out and secondly because it give me something else to blog about and a recommendation point for friends if it works. During the call B wakes up right on que so I go and sort her and she settles really quickly,  I then finish my call. I go back to my admin chat where I eventually fall asleep I’m sure mid sentence (sorry ladies). 

1am and the boy child is awake I head up and feed him I’m so tired and have work at 7.45am so don’t even bother attempting to leave him . 3am B wakes again and so I go to sort her by the time I’m back he’s awake again I latch him and fall asleep, (probably around 4) both boobs out still feeding. 5am I wake to him pulling my top down as it had slid back up while we slept , I feed him and am so tired I go downstairs at 5.45 and wake chris, who takes over with him so I can claim at least an hour before work. It’s the most amazing hour ever I can tell you that. 

Sunday… 

I wasn’t going to blog about today because in all honesty it was a pretty simple and straight forward morning. Chris sorted the kids while I got ready for work they then dropped me off for my 12 hour shift. I felt so poorly and tired I had no motivation, but me and the team I was working with had a great day. I got home and that’s when I decided to blog about today. 

I got home and Chris has all five kids bathed and  in bed, me a cider poured, a dinner cooking for me, the house cleaned and washing done . He’s so good to me bless him. So I sit and eat my dinner while sipping my drink and chatting about our days . I feel sadness as he tells me how much fun he the kids and his mum have had. Shopping , then the park , then the garden and a lovely dinner . I feel sad because I’ve missed an amazing day, but at the same time so pleased they’ve all had a lovely day. 

He then tells me I’ve got presents , my first thought is, I’m going to kill him we haven’t got money to be spending buying me presents In all honesty. He tells me to go get them from the kitchen and I feel this over whelming rush of gratitude. We couldn’t afford for the kids to buy me anything for Mother’s Day, which I was fine with and besides they all made my cards themselves mad put a lot of thought and effort into their masterpieces. I find two packages on the side both labelled like this. 

Chris’ mum bless her is amazing. She didn’t realise until we saw her Sunday that we couldn’t afford for the kids to get me anything and so bought the most beautiful gifts for me from them. I’m so surprised and greatful she’s an amazing lady and we are very lucky to have her. (Thankyou so much again Julie I love them ) xx 

I know a lot of people who have “evil mother in laws” I am pretty sure I got the best mother in law out there. 

Chris heads to bed and puts a film on as he’s shattered and I get my breastpump and join him (romantic hey) . By the time I’ve got the breastpump set up and comfy he’s asleep bless him. I express and start writing this. As I’m coming to the end I realise tomorrow the kids start new, longer hours at nursery tomorrow as I go from part time to full time hours next week. This saddens me, 30 hours a week they’ll be in nursery, but at the same time I love my job and the more hours I do , the more I get paid and the more orgtession options open up. So in the long run it’ll be worth it for all of us. 

It’s now 22.30 and so far we’ve only had two wakings one from B and one from G. I’ve got to be up earlier in the morning as the kids have school at 7.45 and B and the boy child won’t be able to do school run in pjs because they’ve nursery at 8am. So I should probably go and try get some sleep while the kids are sleeping. 

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading . 

Until next time 

Kate 😘

Having five kids is hard 

So Monday night I got left to no sleep as per usual . 

Tuesday…

Tuesday was interesting and mega busy more so than usual. We got up and as usual had the getting dressed battle with the kids. I’ve got the boy child attatched to my tit while trying to brush and put up R’s hair and as you can imagine with her squirming around moaning it hurts. A is being rather helpful gets dressed and lacks the lunch bags, B is for once dressed and not doing school run in her pjs , the boy child however is doing school run in his pjs because he’s not letting go of my tit for love nor money this morning. I do the other girls hairs whilst still feeding the small boobie obsessed boy. Once they’re done I take him off and attempt to put him in the buggy , he is screaming and thrashing around because obviously, Now he’s not attatched to me my milk is going to instantaneously dry up and he will be starved forever more. I have to use the good old fashioned knee to hold the baby in while I do his straps up (you reading this thinking thank fuck I’m not alone don’t worry there are plenty more of us that use the knee technique). Right so he’s in the buggy kids have shoes on and coats as capes that I can’t be arsed to argue about , go to leave the door …. boom the floor drop 🙄😩 from G , for absolutely no visible reason .. fucking wonderful, just what I need at 7.40am. So I try to talk to her “what’s the matter baby, how can mummy help you” she stares screaming at me blankly .. again “sweetheart I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s wrong” and with that off fly her shoes .. a-fucking-mazing!!!! I can’t deal with this, this morning! So I explain calmly we should sort out what’s the matter and get to school so she can have breakfast and then play with her friends , now she’s thrashing around the floor like a washed up dolphin ! I give her a couple of minutes to calm down , over her a cuddle, ask her again calmly what’s wrong and she continues to scream and thrash around. In my mind I’m screaming what the fuck is wrong , just god damn talk to me , how I manage to keep that in I do not know, but I do . In the end I pop the buggy outside and ask A if she minds pushing her brother she’s pleased to have a big girls job and so does, I swoop G up and her shoes and carry her kicking me , punching me and crying still with no explanation! She starts calming down on the way to school in the mean time I’m starting to feel like her own personal stress ball. I am repeating “come on sweetheart talk to me so o can help” and she is still not talking at all. We get to school and she’s stopped beating the crap out of me and is now crying that dull , annoying moan that kids do. Given I’m still none the wiser as to what the hell has triggered this I say to her “last chance to talk to me before school if you don’t want to tell me now that’s fine we will talk about it after school” again my mind is screaming much less calm things. She still says nothing (why the hell do kids think because you’re a mum you’re a god damn mind reader). 

So I pop her down on the floor in the hall at school and hand her, her shoes. I give the girls all a kiss and cuddle (bar G who shouts no when I ask her if she wants one). Now I am desperately trying to ignore the member of staff that is looking down her nose at me in disgust and like I’ve just bought her to school in filthy clothes, unwashed and smeared in some sort of stinking oil. I know what she’s thinking , she’s thinking .. look at her five kids and she can’t cope, can’t even get her daughter to school with shoes on and if she isn’t thinking that she sure as hell came across like it! Well Mrs perfect, just so you know this is how my morning went and if you’d of taken the time to ask if everything was ok, rather than bark at me “you can’t leave her here with no shoes on” (because clearly a clean school hall floor is unsafe for feet) and then argue with me over wether I had to stay until she had them on or she should be allowed to calm down and put them on in her own time, then I would of told you the events prior to arriving, but you didn’t so who the hell are you to look at me like that? And for the record the way you acted was innapropriate and could of well escalated things again. Another teacher says to G, “come on calm down and get your shoes on so you can go have breakfast” and finally she starts to put her shoes on and I head home with the smaller two. 

I give them breakfast this morning we are having pancakes because I sure as hell cant be dealing with having to clean up a coco pop or any other cereal for that matter carpet. The kids sit and eat while i clean up and then get a peaceful poo (yes you bloody heard that right a peaceful poo feel free to celebrate for me). I get downstairs and quickly realise why it’s not a good idea I ever leave the kids even if it is just for a poo , the boy is happily eating skips that B has used a step to reach from the kitchen ,  that’s not to bad though right? Wrong it’s terrible he’s allergic to tomato his reactions with tomato are a contact rash and tummy upset so could be worse. I say to her “B darling good sharing but you know not to share with your brother he could get really poorly” having to remind myself she’s only four and she was being kind it’s not worth going mad at her for, even if we have told her a thousand and ten times not to give him anything. She apologised, well she said “but he likes them mummy” I’m taking that as an apology right now because I fear I will bite her head off if I don’t.  I give him some piriton and pray.  I then get the boy child dressed and now he’s signing for the milk makers (little sod is 19 months won’t say a word but will sign for milk) , I put the telly on for B and take him up to bed I feed him while he paws at my milk machines until he falls asleep and I go into stealth mode out of the room. I get downstairs and B is happily watching peppa (anyone else hate that obnoxious, rude fucking pig) . I pack his bag, sort some washing out and throw a few wine gums down my neck (nice, nutritious breakfast). 

A friend turns up to watch B , I call a taxi and get the small boy up as he has a blood test. He’s in a foul mood as he hates being woken so this is gunna be a fun trip. To top it off it’s thirty pound , yes thirty pound one way for a fifteen minute apt.. unfortunately my anxiety doesn’t permit me to get a train or bus far with the kids I just can’t do it. On the way I click the hospital is by my mums I’d like to see her plus it would be cheaper to see if she is free to take me home. Thankfully she agrees and saves me another thirty pound to get home.

I normally feed the boy child during his bloods as normally this keeps him settled and is a relatively smooth process. Turns out not so much when they get a bit older, firstly the sod was to busy coming off to see what they where doing , so they gave him an iPad with fireworks going off on it , then when he finally focussed on the fireworks  the needle went in and wow did he cry and he’s a lot stronger than the last time. It took three of us to keep him still enough and get his bloods. I wanted to cry for him. Once it was over I fed him and I’m sure he was trying to pay me back for the bloods when his teeth clamped down and I genuinely felt like throwing him off, it hurt so much. I go to head to my mums and he spots a blanket he wants at the hospital shop so I get it for him for being brave. Get to my mums and chill there for half hour before she brings us home. 

It’s now 1pm. I give B her sweets for being good for my friend then feed and put the small boy to bed. I go to make some food and realise it’s bloody 1.45 I’ve got to go get R from school for her eye check up . (And people ask how I stay so skinny haha). I get a taxi again to the eye hospital (This ones closer and a lot cheaper to get to mind). Her eye test takes what seems like forever she keeps moving and picking up things she shouldn’t and I can see the optician slowly getting frustrated. I tell R to behave and we will get a nice treat as soon as we are out. Eventually she’s done. I got told her glasses would improve her general sight, but nope her vision has deteriorated. She’s happy she gets to pick new glasses , I’m pissed off we’ve now got to go to spec savers to do so before we can go home. I obviously don’t tell her that. So we head to spec savers and I’ve got to say it was the easiest trip ever she wanted toy story they didn’t have any and she chose two pairs of moana I think it’s called? Who knows some new film or something. She gets measured up we chat to the lady for a little while and head home. 

I get home and B and the boy child are playing I look at the time and fuck I’ve got an hour and ten minutes before I have to go to work. My hair is greasier than the kebabs I used to get after night out before I had kids (and occasionally since to be honest), I’ve got to make dinner, get ready for work and the other two are on their way home from my friends house as she collected them from school for me. So I whack some mince and pasta on , run and wash my hair so quickly It’s probably going to look just as bad as it did before I washed it, the girls get home and I am finishing dinner with a towel wrapped around my head. Have a little chat with Carla and feel really rude because I’m doing dinner at the same time. Whack a jar of bolognese sauce in the mince because I sure as hell don’t have time to make it from scratch. Dish dinner up , brush my hair while eating mine and the small boy child is throwing his around the room. Chris walks in inhales his dinner, I then get dressed for work and give the kids their five minute warning for having to leave and watch them eat quicker than I’ve ever seen them eat poor sods. Then the boy child decides to start signing milk at me so Chris starts outtingvthe kids in the car and I feed him. Once he’s done me and him jump in the car and Chris drops me off at work. I get to work and breath a massive sigh of relief as much as I love my Children I am utterly exhausted and this is a welcome break. 

I get home at midnight, start expressing and as if by magic G wakes I go up and try to settle her , she’s crying but won’t tell me why (again I’m expected to be a mind reader) I run through everything I can imagine , are you hot, cold, want a drink, need a wee, want a cuddle, nope she just stares at me and falls back to sleep…Cheers kid. I get into bed at 12.30 and the boy child wakes at 1.30.. wonderful! So I head up and feed him I then wake at 4 I’ve no idea what time I even fell asleep.  I head down to bed and get my head down 5.30 he wakes up and chris informs me I’ve slept through B and G waking a couple of times (whoops). I feed him and Chris goes to settle him while I go back to sleep until he wakes me at 7.10am. 

Wednesday.. 

Chris has been so good bless him he’s got the girls dressed , bar socks and jumpers , sorted the lunch bags and made me a cup of fruit tea (mornings like this I wish I drank coffee) and then he heads to work. I get the Socks and jumpers sorted brush the girls hairs which is always fun while a small boy is hanging off of my boob. This morning R is on form with the whole crying when her hairs not even knotty, G has tried to do it herself and so has tangled her hair up and B is point blank refusing. Eventually we are done and it’s time to go . After yesterday’s ordeal I’ve bribed the boy child into the buggy with a pancake and mentally prepared myself for G who yes was resistant about going to school but a lot better than Tuesday. I get them to school, get home, get a casserole in the slow cooker while my kids are throwing their breakfast around my lounge. Today it’s Frosties all over the floor, I guess it’s nice to change things up a bit. I rush to get the baby dressed and B’s hair sorted and back out the door. No time for my breakfast, morning poo or to clean up. So I get the boy in the buggy relatively easily this time, get B’s shoes and coat on her (this morning I can’t be arsed with the argument so I just do it for her) and head to nursery with them. When I get there B runs off and the boy demands the milk makers again. So I sit in the nursery and feed him I look over and B is sat at a table eating her third breakfast after claiming I didn’t give her any little madam! I head to my course. 

I go straight from my course to pick the kids up and open up the breastfeeding group I volunteer at. I then head home, B decides as we walk past a house with lots of tiff outside advertising it for free she wants two giant teddies I try to outbher off and say we can’t just take them, but the lady comes out and gives them to her. So we struggle with her carrying these massive bloody beats all the way home .. 

Finally getting back at 2.20. I realise I’ve not eaten so throw on some eggs and toast while cleaning up a dirty nappy, clothes, Frosties and toys in the lounge . I eat and head to collect the kids! Are you exhausted yet? I certainly am! 

The kids are on form all tired and argueing and fighting so I stop and rather than telling them off or making them apologise I put myself in time out. Yes that’s right I sat on that step because there, I know they will not disturb me for at least two minutes. When I come out of time out I put the telly on for R and G and B and A go and play upstairs. I then feed the small boy child and he goes off to play while I peel and mash potatoes for dinner. I call the kids for dinner and they come and collect it one by one like you would in the que for school dinners, only difference is there are no choices today you get what’s being served and that’s that. They go sit down to eat and chris walks in all we hear is a massive bang and A crying. Chris goes to investigate and is met with a smashed bowl and beef casserole all over the floor he asks her what happens and tells her not to cry it’s only a bowl and this my friends is amazing , an ant .. yes a bloody ant made her jump! He cleans it up and I dish her up some more food. Dinner time is going well until R realised I’ve hidden veg in her dinner and then tried to refuse to eat it (bearing in mind she’s eaten half before realising) . Eventually she agrees she did like it before she spotted the pee and carries on. 

Bedtime is much like normal we are met with G finding excuses not to sleep and R demanding she stays up to watch telly. Chris sorts B and G while I sort R and the boy child and A smugly turns the telly over as now she’s got control of the buttons .we eventually get them all settled come down and send A up 15 minutes later. The night carries on much like the last few you’ve read about. 

Thursday… 

Being a working mum of five children sometimes you lose days and yes Thursday is the day I’ve lost this week. It’s completely gone from my brain so not much to write about that really! 

Friday… 

Always a fun day I have to be at work at 7.45 and so the kids tend to play up even more. Me and Chris get them sorted eventually and he drops me off at work and then them at school and nursery . I woke all day a Fridays so it’s pretty non interesting after that. Until I get home at 8.30pm and within minutes of being in The boy wakes , Chris is asleep on the sofa and I head up to sort the boy out. He settles and I express an head to bed. R and G are at their dads by the time I get home. Chris deals with B over night and I wake around 1 to the boy and end up thinking fuck it and just lay with him. He falls asleep and I come back to bed , 3.30 he wakes again I go to feed and settle him, I woke up at 5.30 and he had helped him self to the milk makers. He falls back to sleep around 6 and I must of fallen asleep too as I woke up at 7.10 to him pulling the blanket off me (which btw is a tiny baby blanket) and he’s pulling me feet. I’m guessing he wants to get up. 

Its now 23.00 on Saturday night, I’m so exhausted I am falling asleep and have work at 7.45am. So I shall try to write again tomorrow about today as it was a pretty good day, but right now I just haven’t got the energy. So I hope you have enjoyed your read and goodnight . 

Much love 

Kate 😘

Side note feel free to correct any grammatical , spelling or auto correct errors I’m too tired to proof read this. 

Busy weekend 

Sooooo , I’ve not been around as I’m sure the small humans I birthed have been trying to kill me mentally..Fun times . 

So Thursday night they didn’t sleep as fecking usual. Me and chris alternated being up with three of them. The worst being A who to begin with decided she was too big to go to bed at a reasonable time! So as any good parent would I started giving her choices .. in the end the stubborn mate lost her phone for a week, magazines over the weekend and treats until Monday. Eventually I had enough and me and chris went to bed at 8.30pm and turned all the lights off and left her in the lounge until she finally came in about twenty minutes later and said “I’m bored I’m going to bed now” wahhoo 1-0 to me and a pretty good parenting win if you ask me! 

Friday We got up and battled like hell with some extremely tired little monkies to get ready for school and nursery. He was dressing the baby while I was yelling for god sake just put your bloody shoes on to the girls at the same time as dressing myself for work. I was ready (ish) and the girls still weren’t so then came the “right that’s it, shoes on now or you’re going without them” , A took from that stomp up the stairs like an awful teenager, R took from it scream at the top of your voice until she changes her mind, G took from it beg and beg for someone (who clearly doesn’t have time for this shit today) to do it for you as you can’t possibly do it yourself, while B happily put hers on the wrong feet and would not change them. So while trying to brush my hair I start trying to help G, while yelling two the other two 3…2…. oh there they are putting their shoes on .. phew close call kids close call! Getting them in the car is a battle I really am not up for reliving right now, but it involved a lot of choices between getting in and frankly mummy loosing her shit and shouting, because at this point I’m gunna be late for work if they carry on much longer. We get them in the car and chris drops me at work., then drops the older girls at school and the younger two at nursery before the poor sod heads to work himself. 

On my break I text my friend that’s picked them up from school to see how they are , as usual they’re argueing and fighting and some how she’s got them doing housework. She’s a fucking genius why did I never think of this! 

I get home at 8.40pm after a 12 hour shift and all seems peaceful and quiet, chris has got them all to bed and settled. I sit down and it’s like they fucking know ! B starts crying so I head up and settle her , then G and then the small boy is demanding the milk makers (it’s ok kids I didn’t want to eat or chill for a bit or anything). I get him back to sleep at around 10 in the end. By that point I’m too tired to anything other than go to bed and chris is asleep on the sofa. So I do ready for another eventful night! Weirdly they slept pretty well after that (they only woke I think once each) it was amazing although I woke up more tired than when I don’t sleep. 

Saturday morning .. 

I go up to the boy at around 5, keep him in his room for a bit trying tirelessly to get him back to sleep at 6.30 I give up and we just play. The girls are all awake and playing on their rooms until chris wakes up around 7 when he sends me back to bed for an hour. I get up and try to sort my self out while chris starts on the garden. 

Why do they turn into devil children the moment he im is out of the house. I’ve got G shouting at R because she won’t play with her, she wants to play with A who doesn’t want to play with her , B is found in the bathroom playing with the taps, there is water everywhere while the small boy child is wingding because he’s tired, like it’s my fault and I made him wake up a stupid o’clock .. Now is the perfect time and the girls get choices.. housework or no telly all day .. fucking hell its worked they’re all doing some housework. I go to out the small boy child to bed (because it’s that simple clearly) and next thing I know I’ve got R at the door “mum I’m hungry” I sternly tell her I’m getting your brother to sleep you will have to wait. She does downstairs and oh here B “mummy I need a poo come wipe my bum” again I tell her I can’t she is a big girl and to try herself. Both waking a half asleep boy child in the process !! Then A stands at the door the poor child doesn’t even have time to say anything I just growl at her “has someone’s head fallen off? If not get downstairs while I get your brother to sleep” .. finally the poor boy is asleep. 

Downstairs however is carnage now kids thinking they’re WWE pros against each other. To be honest I’m surprised I didn’t walk down to hair and nails flying everywhere . Time for housework again for them (I actually cannot believe how well this shit works) ! Chris asks for a shopping list and I bit the poor sods head off (sorry dude) like I’ve had time to think about that this morning! He goes off and all is slightly settled for a while as they’re all worried about having to do more housework haha. Until G accidently falls on B so B punches her now I’ve got two crying while R is moaning they’re in the way of the telly and A is stropping about lord only knows what! Chris is home (thank the fucking lord) and is making food while I’m now stuck with an impossible decision .. do we take the kids to rugby because they’ve been little shits and I can’t cope with an afternoon of them in the house, or not take them as punishment for being little shits!? Taking them wins because to be honest… fuck sitting in with them all in foul arse moods! To my surprise we actually have a really nice afternoon outside playing and making daisy chains (although if I see another daisy chain anytime soon I may well spontaneously combust). 

We rush home as me and chris are heading to an engagement party later (ha yeah we are actually going to adult). However nothing is straight forward in our life and his mum is poorly. So now I rally around trying to get someone to have the smalls just for a couple of hours so we can adult. This in itself is hard as hell as when you have this many kids you have few good friends you trust enough to have them. Plus the more kids you have the more friends disappear it seems. Anyway Sally comes to the rescue (we fucking love you Sally) so we get our shit together and head out all dressed up. 

We get to the party, we see and speak to the same people about the same things we do at the rugby club but who cares they’re cool people and we are adulting! 


Then comes the dreaded call..the feeling I got when I saw sallies name pop up was one which I can only imagine resembles gong to make a morning coffee and having no coffee.  “B is screaming and has woken G up and B won’t come near me or tell me what’s wrong”. These kids really do bloody know! I call and give Sally the technique  we use to get them back to sleep and soon after get a text to say it’s ok they’re asleep. Twenty minutes later another text “they’re screaming again” so I tell her to put B in my bed and sit with G and they should go off again. They do and we think all is well and can carry on with our night. Haha as parents you should never think things like that . Another text “they’re under control but I’m currently laid on your bed with them” so I tell her we will head home although she’s more than capable it’s unfair. Sally tells us “no it’s fine honestly just wanted to let you know they’re ok” occompanied by the cutest picture ever. 


 So we take a little more time with our drinks and head home picking up a kebab on the way (btw these are much better when you’re drunk then when you’re sober I found this out this night). We get home eat and chat for a bit before Sally heads home and we head to bed. Then the real fun starts . I carry the girls up to their beds and they’re asleep , que the boy child waking .. so I feed and lay with him. For most of the night while chris gets up with the girls who knows how many times. 5am I feed the boy again and then call chris for back up as he won’t go back to sleep and he takes over so I can get some rest. Those of you that breastfeed will know you never ever get a proper nights sleep with baby attatched to your tit all night. 

Mother’s Day.. 

I’m woken at 8 to Chris “hey beautiful it’s time to get up we need to get the kids ready to take R to rugby training” thinking for fuck sake we lost an hour last night as the clocks went forward so on a technicality it’s 7am can’t a mother have a lay in on Mother’s Day (the answer to that by the way is no you’re a parent lay ins don’t exist although chris does try to let me lay in and they definitely don’t count if you’ve been up all night). Then my anger turned to amazement and pride . The kids came bundling in all with home made cards that they’d put their all into. G and R also had the cards they had gotten me while at their dads and B had grown me a flower from a seed. They smother me in kisses and cuddles and for a good half hour I remember why I love them so much. I get up and help Chris get them sorted. I feed the boy child while asking the girls to get dressed and ready R is ready quicker than I’ve ever seen her get ready before through pure excitement for rugby, while B is running around naked saying “I’m going like dis Mumma” , A is moaning like fuck about how she doesn’t want to go and can stay at home on her own, while G is walking around with pants, a top , one sock on and her shoes in her hand! Evenetially after a few battles and near tear occasions (from me and Chris) we get them on the car. 

R does fantastically at training , if that is nearly smashing her glasses, falling over a ton of times and doing the chicken dance is what you class as fantastic rugby (in all honestly that’s pretty much what it is) she really enjoys herself and I’m really enjoying shouting encouragement and watching her, until “muuuuum I’m cold” , “mum I need a wee” , “mum I’m hungry” “mum …. mum … mum” so I head inside with the three girls and the boy child .. on the way in G decides she’s changed her mind so I send her back to Chris instead of going she just stands there (bearing in mind he’s not far from us at all). Now I’m battling with a five year old about what she is doing and she is just stood there fucking staring at me. After the longest five minutes of my life Chris comes and takes her back to where R is training. Me the boy child , B and A sit inside eating crisps and chatting until they’re finished. 


Once R is done they come back and we then start the into the car battle again B has run off across the field , G is crying because she didn’t get a bag of crisps (although I’d told her there was one in the car for her), A despite not wanting to come now suddenly doesn’t want to fucking leave , while the boy child decides it’s time to have a feed and R is jumping around mega exited the club lent her a pair of “real rugby boots” because clearly you can get fake ones 🙄. 

We finally get them in the car and I get a phone call it’s my nan whom I’ve only met once in 30 years and that was around Christmas (there is a back story to this but to be honest this fucking blog is gunna be long enough without it) . So we head over there and it’s amazing they’re so welcoming , play with the kids and chat to us. They own owls and so the kids are mesmerised when we walk in and there’s on just perched on an ornament in the lounge. We only intend on staying an hours as we’ve a busy day but end up there two and a half hours. We all had a great time the kids got given , sweets , crisps , fruit and I started getting to know my grandparents asbthey did their great grandparents. We say our goodbyes and the kids all get a feather each from a massive box of them. 


We now head to my mums , give her the card and flowers we got and relax (haha like you can ever relax with five kids). We spend some time with her , her partner and my brother and all have a lovely time playing in the garden again the kids get filled with rubbish food, but you know what..today I don’t give a shit anything for an easy life. We don’t do it often so what does it matter. Again piling the kids into the car (this shit is getting draining now) and head to my dads. While on the way we realise the kids haven’t actually had a proper lunch and it’s like 3.30 although in fairness the kids haven’t actually stopped eating all day. 


We get to my dads and my sister and partner are there . We give my dads partner her card and flowers and the seven kids play with grandad, while we watch on lovingly at their attempt at what’s the time mr wolf and some other game that I don’t know the name for but is basically the same. We all had a great time. We load the kids up in the car and head home . By this point me and chris are mentally and physically drained praying that B stays awake for the 40 minute drive home. (The kids were running around far to much to get a decent picture of them all) 


We get home and chris mum comes over for dinner, the girls bath themselves (bar B nanny helps her) while chris makes dinner and I sit feeding the boy child. Next thing I know all I hear from the kitchen is “for fuck sake who even decided on this stupid dinner it’s not cooking quick enough” … to which I replied “well actually it was mine as it’s Mother’s Day and I love loaded potato skins I did offer to make it” it prompted an apology from him at least. 


We all love it when nanny comes over. We play for a bit before enjoying a lovely dinner, all though we eat separately as the the boy child , B and G’s are ready first , then R and A’s , then mine and nannys. Nanny puts B and G to bed and I put the boy child to bed. while chris is still cooking ours  and when ours is ready he takes over with B and G. He is a good man he had his dinner after we all did so he could sit with the devil children that hate sleep. Nanny heads home and I send R and A to bed surprisingly they go pretty simply.  

By this point chris pours me a cider and we chill for half hour. 


The house is a mess , but me and Chris are both to god damn tired to do anything about it. So fuck it it is not getting done tonight no way in hell! So we head to bed early about 9 I think. By 10 I have an awake boy child (bet ya saw that coming) and the night went much as the last few have….. oh the joys! 

Monday… 

Mondays are always a Huge rush but today was even more rushed. This morning though B and the boy child are having breakfast at nursery (yay for no coco pop carpet). I get the kids ready and have the normal morning battle, however it’s slightly easier this morning as I am just not in the mood and I think the kids can tell (I’ve a feeling my lack of patience, easily snapping and lack of big encouraging smiles might give it away ever so slightly). I get the kids to school and nursery and head home to eat quickly ignoring the clothes all over the lounge floor and yesterday’s mess that needs clearing up, eating is however sacrificed for a poo in peace! I head to an apt I’ve got that lasts two and a half hours! Then straight from there I head to the children’s centre to catch up with a lady I needed to see, but she’s gone. 

Then it dawns on me … no work this afternoon although I love my job massively I become very accustomed to the idea of an afternoon of peace. Until I remember I’ve still got to go on for another apt this time for my nvq induction which I had asked to start as soon as I could  (because clearly I don’t have enough to do and like to challenge myself by adding more). In all seriousness I want to better my labels and my career for myself and the kids so chose to do it. On the way home I very seriously contemplate not telling my friend that picks the kids up on a Monday I’m on my way home (sorry ash), but I appreciate how much she does for me and guilt of taking the Piss takes over so I head straight to school (yup I’ve still not eaten yet today). I collect the kids who are in their usual fantastic moods and refusing to talk to me about their days .. good chat kids good chat! On the way home G sees her friend with his dad and invites herself over. He says yes and so she goes to play for the afternoon. While I get the joy of a now moaning R because she wanted to go too and I said no as he’s G’s friend. I get in and make myself some egg on toast while R and A go uosetots to play. Within minutes they’re fighting because A days R is too young to play with her this goes on, on and off until their dinner is done where they actually beat each other’s company while they eat! Chris comes home and I’ve already text him about my day so is hiding outside in the garden haha. I go to get G and when I’m back he has no choice and gets changed the. Goes to get B and the boy child . They get home and straight to bed for B, G and the boy child so chris takes the girls while I take the boob monster (attached to the milk makers) to bed. 

I’m going to end this one here as frankly it’s 12.43am on Wednesday morning now and can bog tomorrow about the mayhem that was Tuesday to give you guys something to look forward to. Although it has taken me five days to complete this bloody blog because the reality is my life is painfully busy and hectic sometimes! 

Much love 

Kate 😘

What a couple of days

So I’ve not blogged for a couple of days purely because the last couple of days seem to of rolled into one long day.. 

Monday night the boy child decided somewhere between 1-1.30am to wake up for the day I tried everything humanly possibly to get him to go back to sleep, but he just wanted to play, pull my hair, do rolly pollys around his bed, and generally just be a little turd! By 5.15am I went down and woke chris so I could get a full 90 minutes sleep before getting up for the madness that was before school. Chris briefed the kids on mummy being very tired and her temper probably being very short. We should of learnt by now this is always a bad idea as it turns into a competition to see who can make mummy lose her shit first! (B won) the girls were generally just not doing as asked and she was walking around hitting people for… well just for shits and giggles to be honest! I battle with getting them dressed and to school as G has completely forgotten how to dress herself and R has decided she just can’t be arsed. B refuses to put her shoes and coat on and after being asked a million and twelve times add that to her behaviour in general to her behaviour this morning, I lose my temper (this rarely happens) I shout in the mum voice that only comes out when you’re in deep shit “just get your god damn shoes and coat on” I’m almost sure I heard my neighbours also rushing to get their shoes and coat on (sorry neighbours) . B looks at me in shock , she’s staring at me really confused. Anyone that knows B, knows she is stubborn as a shit stain in a cloth nappy and calmly replies back to me “no thankyou mummy” … now I’m torn she was polite but totally doing it to get a reaction. So I’m mad and pleased at the same time (patronising little madam)! So I get the kids out of the door and say to B “fine don’t wear your bloody shoes or coat you’ll get sore feet and cold, now come on we are going” she walks out the door no shoes or coat on un-phased. Part of me is pleased she knows her own mind the other part is fuming. A must be able to see me boiling (I can only assume I resemble the hulk transforming at this point) and steps In saying  “come on B quickly let’s get your shoes and coat on before you get cold” and the little madam did just like that ! I want to scream “seriously” but don’t for a fear if I do I won’t stop and so I lock the door and off we go. 

Get the girls to school and home with the small two the small boy demands his milk makers as usual although he’s been attached to them all pissing night, while B is shouting for breakfast. I multi task like a pro and make breakfast for them both while feeding him. They eat , my floor gets covered in fucking coco pops again today though I can’t be arsed the floor is (was) clean and so I pop his cereals back in his bowl and he chucks them everywhere again . At this point I’ve given up and am now watching him pick his coco pops up one at a time from the floor and eat them.. what the hell is wrong with my kids why would he rather eat from the floor than a bowl?! B gets dressed while I take the boy child to bed but today he’s decided a nap is off the cards! I’m sat feeding him in his room and I can hear the bathroom taps B is “bathing the baby” I shout to her to stop playing with the taps! She seems to listen an hour it took me to get the boy to sleep and me and B are doing puzzles before she decides she wants to play upstairs. So she heads upstairs and I do the dishes before I hear the boy wake! He normally sleeps for a good couple of hours but not today it had been 40 minutes! I go up and she’s in his fucking room “mummy I wanted to play with him” i walk away and call my mum before I really lose my temper they play for a bit before lunch although he is miserable as sin by 11am because he’s so tired. 
1pm comes and my friend comes over and very possibly saved my sanity she plays with B while I feed the small boy child. 2pm my mum turns up. Thank the lord for these two people today! The kids are occupied with them and I just sit on the sofa not talking to anyone trying to figure out how the hell im gunna get through work later on so little sleep! 

School pick up was interesting no matter how many times I told G not to run backwards she pays no attention until splat, down she goes. Normally I would be all .. oh no babe, are you ok? Do you need magic kisses? Today that didn’t happen (whoops) and she was met with “well if you’d of listened in the first place it wouldn’t of happened, come on get up we have to get A”  in front of a bucket load of other parents, while R is looking at me puzzled as to where this reaction has come from. We get A and head home, G still upset about the knee that’s not even grazed and my absolute lack of sympathy. We get back and it’s all ok as she gets all the sympathy she needs from my mum and Joan. While I right now want to kiss them so much as they’ve cleaned the house for me :). Given how tired and miserable I am this has made my day so thankyou guys. I start dinner while asking the girls to get their pjs on three times before grandma asked and then they did she then makes home made sweets with them. While Joan occupies the small boy child. This is the first time i can remember I’ve not had five small people hassling me about when dinner will be ready, how school have starved them or needing my to wipe their arses. Dinners done and Joan heads home we sit and eat, well me, my mum and the girls do, the boy child as usual stares and shouts at his with no intention what so ever of eating it. 

Chris walks in and informs us of an accident so I have to leave earlier for work and rush to get ready and out the door leaving him to get the kids to bed and bathed. I get home at 11.30, the kids are all sleeping , the house is a mess and chris is ill with a migraine I express and get ready to head to bed before he starts vomming and wakes the small boy child up… Wonderful ! I pass him some water and go sort the baby I don’t even know what time I finally got to bed I think about 1.30am until 3am when two girls wake I go settle them and at 3.30 the boy wakes again he didn’t go back to sleep until 5 :(. I get another hour and a half sleep before getting the small humans up for school. Chris is still throwing up into a bucket (beautiful vision hey)! He is in bed and that’s where he stays until 2.30pm meaning all day I have to try keep the smalls quiet.  This task is always harder when you want them to be quiet! So I rush them up and ready as quick as I can and frankly do anything to make it easier and quieter , including getting three of them dressed, letting them watch TV (they don’t watch tv in the mornings normally) and letting them eat some of the jelly sweets they made the day before (yes you read that right it’s 7.15am and I’m bribing my kids with jelly). I get them to school and home with the younger two who eat their cereals relatively problem free bar the now normal ritual of covering the floor in cereals and get the small boy child to bed. I pull the sofa bed out and get some snacks and me and B cuddled up under a duvet watching telly for the entire time the boy is sleeping. When he wakes up it’s like he has been possessed by the devil! He is stropping left right and centre and I’m doing everything I can to keep him quiet and failing massively at this point B is not feeling the love so stropping because of the lack of attention she is getting (because obviously she never gets any haha). I find cake keeps them quiet for a few minutes so I can at least go for a pee. 

2.30 I wake chris to watch them while I go to watch G’s assembly. (Which I’m pissed off at the school about as I only got told the day before) She was amazing bless her made me very proud even if she did spend half the time behind everyone else with the actions and picking her nose ! All of the kids did so well. 

I get home and dinners on Chris is starting to feel better. We eat and he baths the kids before I do the daily nit check! Two of the girls need extra long checks because I found a couple in both of their hairs.. doing nit checks is the highlight of my fucking life (can you sense the sarcasm here), although to be fair there is something strangely satisfying with popping the ugly, crawly little fuckers! Chris puts B and G to bed and I spend over an hour trying to settle the boy child because R is doing her bloody usual come to me every three god damn seconds for something trivial and non important just so she can squeeze an extra or minute or two at a time onto her bedtime.. why the hell do kids even do that they’re shattered and miserable the next day! A goes up to bed herself as she is creeping for an extra ten minutes on her phone tomorrow. 

I need wine now or a therapist I chose wine, because some days my life would probably send a therapist into therapy! I go to the fridge and we’ve got none just to make the last couple of days even better. So now I’m in a strop. Turn my notifications off on my phone and watch 12 episodes of hollyoaks to catch up as I’ve not had time to have a relaxed poo let alone watch hollyoaks lately! I ignore the housework and anything else that might need any sort of energy at all… Its amazing, it really is sitting and doing nothing at all. I express an head to bed. The night is a bit better the small boy wakes 3am and chris takes over at 5.30 the girls if they did wake I slept through them haha. 

Thursday morning (this morning) was pretty uneventful Chris did most of the sorting of the kids because of how tired I am. I was however met with all the fucking housework and dishes I should of done last night (oh what a wonderful idea it was not to do anything last night) . I take the girls alongside my friends boy to school. Get home make the kids breakfast and then it gets interesting I go for my morning poo (what a twat I am) leaving them with their breakfast And this is what I came down to , This is B’s shit I’ve been caught and told off face ! 


How do they make so much mess in such a small amount of time! The boy decides he wants the milk makers and so I’m sat having to stare at this. I ask them to clean up a bit and this is what they bloody do ! I guess at least they’re kind of getting the coco pops in one place! 

The boy is now in bed and B is claiming she wants to go so I’m going to attempt to get them to sleep before having to clean all this up. Thankfully they’re at nursery this afternoon so I get a full two hours to myself and as much as I love my kids, but as you have read it’s been and exhausting few days. And I cannot wait to drop them off and run home to enjoy and embrace every second of quiet. 

On that note I hope you enjoyed my reality

See you soon 

Kate 😘

Mondays… that is all

What I will say before we go on is please join me in celebrating the fact that the boy child slept from 7.15pm to 5.10am and went back to sleep by 5.15am until 7am. Shame the others didn’t, but hey one is better than none! 

Anyway as per usual the children decided they wanted to sleep in. This happens most Mondays yet on the weekend they like to get up at the fucking arse cracking of dawn sometimes it’s not even bloody dawn. So Chris wakes them and they’re all moody as hell (good start to the day there). A has decided she will get dressed at least while R is crying she wants to go back to bed and we are the most evil parents in the entire world for making her get up , dressed , brush her teeth, have breakfast and get an education! G is getting dressed but has forgotten how to put her socks on, B is prancing around naked running away everytime you try get near her with clothes and the boy child is, as usual attached the milk makers leaving me unable to help with the socks, chase B and help R come to terms with how awful we are. So Chris gets B dressed while trying to calm R down who by now is hysterical because “I just can’t do it today” and giving words of encouragement to G about the socks that have now caused Her to start crying hysterically (bearing in mind she’s not even attempted to put the bloody things on just looked at them). 

Finally B and R are dressed while G is still refusing to even try to put her socks on. I tell her “you’re big girl five now give it your best shot if you still can’t I’ll help when I’ve finished feeding your brother” that is not good enough que the crying getting louder. It’s so noisey in my house right now I could cry with them! A brushes her hair , G has thrown the socks, has stopped crying and is now attempting to brush her hair while Chris brushes B’s hair and we are both painfully watching R brush the tiniest section of hair over and over again before she exclaims “all done” haha no, no its far from done! Now normally she is more than capable of brushing her hair but clearly today she can’t Monday! So we try to encourage her and bam more crying.. Chris then offers to do it for her and she agrees. Sounds simple enough right ? Wrong! She then moved away with every swipe of the brush down her hair crying that it’s hurting and she needs a teddy to cuddle. We get her a teddy and she stops crying but is giving it the death grip (although her hair isn’t actually that knotty) I actually am fearing This bloody teddys head will pop off at any moment. Chris gets dressed when he is finished, gives us all kisses and cuddles (I’m sure I can hear him in his brain saying thank fuck I’m outta here for a few hours) and heads out to work as he’s already late. A makes the snack bags up and then proceeds to ask for her phone bearing in mind she’s not brushed her teeth and we are running late and I’m still pinned down by the milk monster. I ask her and R to go have a wash and brush their teeth. Now apparently neither of them can Monday , R is crying (again) and A is sat on the stairs in protest shouting “I hate brushing my teeth, I want my phone, you’re so mean, I hate you, you’ve ruined my life” aren’t eight year olds just a fucking joy!! 

I finish feeding the boy, while telling them it’s fine if you don’t want to brush your teeth or wash your faces, but you will have stinky breath, dried sleepy dust and will likely get tooth ache. I then have a 5 and an 8 year old stomping up the stairs as loud as they possibly can. While R and G are jumping on the sofa , G still without her god damn socks on. I head to get dressed while challenging G to a race to see if she can get her socks on before I can get dressed …. even with a small boy clinging to my legs while I walk and get dressed I still win. Now we are running rather behind so I put her socks on and take her to brush her teeth, she washes her face and I do her teeth for while shouting down to A can you get the coats and book bags out please. Come downstairs look at the time and rush their coats on forgetting mine and take them to school. I’m only aloud to walk them to the gate and watch them in today because they’re far to cool to be walked to the door by their mum! 

Get home realise I’ve not washed or done my teeth neither has B and the small boy is still in last nights nappy (it is only 7.50am so not as bad as it sounds) I make them breakfast and change the boys bum, put some bacon on, then go to wash and brush my teeth while they’re eating . Bacons pretty much done when I come down so I whack some toast and eggs on too. B is now demanding her second bowl of cereals so I make that and start eating my own food, suddenly the cereals are redundant and she’s eating mine with me (it’s taken me years to learn to share bacon) . 

In the 30 seconds it’s taken me to take the plate out to the sink, the boy child is stood at the gate banging his bowl on it, meaning he wants more as I get closer to him I realise why….. A fucking coco pop carpet again 🙄. (That is a clean nappy by the way although it is last nights baby grow) 

 I look at the clock and realise we are still running late, give him and B a pancake each and start dressing him. Why do kids feel the need to run off while you’re trying to bloody dress them! I’m gently saying “come on baby lets get dressed” while he’s squirming off and in my head screaming “for fuck sake child I can’t deal with this bollocks today” (a parents ability to hold this shit in is impressive to say the least!) eventually he’s dressed and happy again i pop his coat on and him in the buggy. I take B up washed her face and brush her teeth. Get her coat and shoes on and now she’s decided she won’t wear her glasses because she’s found sunglasses and she’s cool like that! So I walk to nursery in the rain with a 4 year old that can’t actually see given the fact,  firstly she’s not got her glasses on, secondly she’s wearing sun glasses and it’s starting to rain (thank fuck I remembered my coat this time) 

I get them into nursery and B won’t leave my side but I’ve got to take the boy child into the baby room to feed him. So one of the staff takes her off to the bigger room. I’m sat feeding the boy all of a sudden I also have another small boy sitting on me using me as a seat while he plays haha. Finish feeding the small boy and he starts crying the please don’t leave me cry…Until he sees his keyworker anyway, then he’s like sod off mum I don’t need you anymore! Did I mention he only uses me for my milk makers? I head to the course I’m attending and we had a laugh while there. 

Get home at 12pm wak in thinking right I’ll wash up last nights dishes and this mornings bowls, get bathed, express, eat and go to work… Guess what I forgot about? The fucking coco pop carpet! So I clean up a lot more than I expected , grab a bag of crisps and sit and express while aimlessly scrolling through Facebook not even really looking at anything. I then Have a bath (that was a weird experience it’s just not right bathing without a child or three bugging me) . I get dressed call a taxi and go to work. 

8.30pm I get home and realise how much I’ve missed the small people even though they drive me insane…. a lot . Chris has got them all fed, washed and to bed, the house is pretty tidy (all things considered) and I go to check on them. They’re so bloody beautiful (more so when they’re asleep and not screaming at me). I really genuinely have missed them and my heart just fills with love when I’m checking on them all sleeping peacefully. Reality hits and I get sad that they don’t need me to put them to bed while at the same time I’m pleased they’re not fully reliant on me and are happy for daddy to put them to bed. I get my pjs on and am now sat expressing while everyone else in my house is asleep. 


(I can’t add a picture if R as she has as usual stripped her pjs off and will not have her covers on her for even a millisecond) .. 

Here’s hoping we all get a restful night. Although I’m not holding my breath haha. 

Much love 

Kate😘