We actually adulted for an evening… 

When you have as many kids as we do adulting is a rarity. Saturday night me and Chris had his rugby end of season dinner. I find it difficult going out and leaving the kids with anyone other than him. I shouldn’t because I know nanny Julie is more than capable and the kids will be in safe hands.. I don’t know, I just worry. 

So I really didn’t want to go out, but I had promised Chris I would, so I had to force myself to let go of my anxiety and sort my shit out. 

People without children probably won’t understand, but trying to get ready to go out when you have an army of small people is a mission in itself. 

I went to get in the bath and no sooner did my toe touch the water did B come in as she wanted to come in with me. I told her not today to go downstairs and see if daddy wanted help. She walked out the room and straight back in again this time with toys. “Mummy it’s lonely in your bath” … no , no it’s not child given you’re in here. Obviously I opted for the more child friendly “it’s ok mummy’s happy in the bath without toys”, que a fuck load of toys that aren’t even bath toys being launched at me while I am defenceless and trapped in the bath! Fucking wonderful, I mean I know she’s being kind and I love that she is, but Jesus I just wanted a quick bath in peace. I didn’t fancy a bloody peppa pig figure in the eye that’s for sure! Why I ever thought I would get that I do not know! Anyway I make it the quickest bath in history purely because I have a small ginger being that is watching and asking about my every move. I’m now also worried I’ll walk in at some point and find her trying to shave her legs As I couldn’t possibly of done it quickly given I’ve seen less hair on chewbacca, because as a mum you don’t get time to shave your legs every other day like you did before kids! 

So I put my pjs bottoms and a bra that’s not a nursing bra on. For two years pretty much I’ve warn a nursing bra and so this feels weird as fuck, but when I look in the mirror I am amazed I’ve got boobs and a cleavage and they look fucking awesome. If you’ve breastfed or carried children you will completely get the excitement I got staring at myself in the mirror. Anyway I go to start doing my face (and This shit takes a lot of work) I get my primer on and bam the boy child realised he can see boobs and needs milk so I end up with him sat on the kitchen side while I try to put my make up on with him attatched to my tit. This is not making me want to go out even more! It’s a fucking ball ache. Nanny comes in (thank fuck for nanny I’ll tell you that) now the boy child’s and B’s attention is diverted I can finish my make up, because the whole eyebrow pencil knocked so you draw a line up your forehead look is not good, I then start to curl my hair because my straighteners have vanished into thin air.. although I’m sure Chris has stolen them to straighten his chest hair or some shit, he just doesn’t want to admit it. In the middle of doing my hair A decides she doesn’t want me to go out so is pestering me , B is climbing all over nanny and I again seem to have a boy child hugging my leg like a fucking koala. I settle A explaining we won’t be long as I’ve work tomorrow , while praying she doesn’t wait up for us (because that’s the sort of shit she does) and nanny comes to rescue me from the boy child before my foot falls off through lack of blood flow. My face heavy with about twelve hundred layers of make up to mask the exhustedness on my face. It’s gunna take a lawn mower to get this shit off! 

I walk into my room and go to get dressed although not before admiring these new found tits one more time and taking a couple of snaps to show them off to the admin girls for mcparents because well… they do look fucking amazing. I get dressed realising you can’t rush putting tights on it just doesn’t work you end up with more ladders than every window cleaner in the country put together! Good job Chris bought me two pairs that’s for sure! 

Anyhow now we are ready and nanny came armed with sweets so we could sneak away… good call nanny, good call! I chuck  my emergency pants in my bag And we head of. A lot of people make fun of me for my emergency pants and I seem to be the only person that takes them everywhere. I mean let’s face it being a women the last thing you want is to suddenly come on your period while out have blood in your pants that spreads to your dress, making it look like you’ve been mysteriously stabbed in the Fanny or worse after five kids you piss yourself because you were queuing that second to long in the toilet!  I look in the car mirror just to check my hair and face to make sure nothing needs touching up. I have got to say I felt pretty damn good about myself. 

So we get to the rugby club to have a slap up meal of fish and chips and then have the awards , by the awards I’m getting into the idea of being out but also tempted to start drinking. I’ve work the Next day so unfortunately can’t. Do you have any idea how annoying it is limiting yourself to lemonade and only two alcoholic drinks when out on a Saturday night with no kids ? Well I’ll tell you now It’s fucking awful, we had fun all the same. 

And we actually resemble normal human beings. I did start to get a complex when the fifth person said to me “wow you can scrub up well can’t you” .. to be fair I go to the rugby club normally in a hoody and joggers with minimal of any make up on, looking more manly than most of the players, so I kind of guess they’re right. I don’t normally look like a lady so this is a novelty. I sit chatting with the ladies while Chris fucks off with his mates as he does because he’s the captain and apparently with captaincy comes forgetting you have your mrs with you! I’m sat talking to them all bubbly while dribbling at the drinks in their hands holding back the urge to Swipe and down them. Then the fun starts the awards. I like this bit because with the award comes a giant rugby style piss taking session. I sit and laugh at all the horrendous and embarrassing things people have done …. until a moment I should of been proud of (but wasn’t) happened Chris got called up for an award and no piss taking was done as it was serious , the club loved him and thanked him loads.. however where the fuck was my thanks?! I have to endure all the shit that comes with captaincy like the moaning about players not turning up, people getting carded for stupid reasons and the fact he trains every Thursday (one of my few evenings off) and plays every Saturday (one of my two days off). Then there is the fact that the shield and the trophy he got are going to need a home in my already cramped house, and I will not hear the end of how amazing he is for at least six months .. oh the joys of being a rugby widow! So I head to the toilet and inform him we need to go soon as I have work in the morning where i snap a quick obligatory toilet selfie. Seriously though check out the tits!!  He’s fine with that and I order a kebab for us and Julie so the time it arrives is when we need to be home by. I’m surprised Chris is not smashed to be honest to be fair he does deserve it. Anyhow we join in with some songs that I shan’t go into as unless you’re into rugby and know the songs they sing you would probably be highly offended. For the first time in ages this is a rugby do I’ve attended where so far no one is naked (big well done for that lads) and it’s a bit of a relief because yes they’re nice lads but naked bar is not nice, clever, attractive and it’s certainly not big! 

After the singing we head home leaving everyone else getting pissed and muttering lucky cunts some of us have to work Sundays! 

We get back all the kids are asleep and the kebab has arrived. We eat and I talk Julie’s ear off before she heads home and we head to bed ready for the nice long night with the kids, who I might add have not woken fucking once for nanny. 

And that was that really :). 

Until next time 

Kate 😘

Back to school and routine.. 

I’ve been willing the kids back to school for two weeks. We’ve had two weeks of hectic, family, madness. Two weeks of fighting , two weeks of stress, two weeks of joy. 

Now it’s come to it I don’t want it. Don’t get me wrong some days I go to work just for the break and give the kids a kiss and cuddle at the door to breakfast club, tell them I love them and in my mind am thinking thank fuck for that the school can deal with them now. I’m not one to sugarcoat shit after all. Mostly though I drop them off and am filled with thoughts about someone else doing my job and how they can’t possibly do it as well as me. How their sympathy for a grazed knee in no way matches up to my magic kisses, how the lunches they make aren’t loving prepared with every thought about, down to how they like things arranged on their plates,  How I can’t wait for home time to go collect them and cherish that small window where  they come out and are excited to see me before they get distracted by each other. 

Monday was pretty non eventful bar me being ill so we will skip that. 

Tuesday I wake up I say wake up, have a huge battle to get everyone sorted, Chris does the lunches while I feed the boy child. B is refusing to get dressed so is doing school run in her pjs. oh how I wish I could do that without people looking at me like I am a tramp, although to be fair I’m sure people look at me like I’m a tramp for letting my kid do it.. Well for the record picking your battles is very wise especially early morning, and with a small ginger person with the attitude of a bumblebee that’s just been flicked. It’s just not worse the whirl wind of hell it will cause, twin the small ginger whirlwind with a boy child that is more miserable than he has ever been im sure and fuck it she can wear her pjs all bloody day if she wants. It’s R’s safari day at school and I’ve got to say I’m pretty impressed with my last minute effort she looks awesome :). And she is such a little poser. 

We get home and she has breakfast while he refuses and is just crying, not a little cry either. I cuddle him and he stops I go to the toilet and he starts screaming again. When I come back clinging to my leg apparently unable to let go. 

I try to take him to bed but he won’t settle for toffee although he’s clearly shattered, whyvthe fuck do kids do that if I could I would sleep whenever I’m tired. The stubborn little sods however don’t know to make the most of it because when you get to being a grown up you want to sleep but seem to never get to. 

He started signing Apple so I get him one and he’s calm (thank fuck for that) and I can go wash up… haha who the hell am I kidding this is what actually happened.. 

being the truly amazing mum I am I go and wash up, turn my music on and hope he calms down. He didn’t and I can tell you this now if you ever want to get housework done quickly just add in a screaming, over tired child and you get it done at the speed of light! I opened the gate and head back into the kitchen and again I’ve got a baby impersonating a koala on my leg 🙄

This whole situation is made harder for both of us because he can’t talk. So I’m getting to the “just tell me what you bloody want” stage and he is at the “why the hell isnt she doing what I want her to” stage! This shit is probably the hardest part of toddlerness when they know their mind and you know them, but they can’t verbalise and as much as you try and people say mums are you’re not a mind reader. Especially when that little mind changes more than British bloody weather! 

I have now come round to the idea that I’m going to end the day with a broken back from carrying a toddler around for the day. I give B the tablet because, well … I’m tired and she’s quiet when she has the tablet. The boy still doesn’t sleep but as long as I’m holding him he’s quiet. I did put him down to make a cup of tea and that also went awfully. 

The day passes in a blur of B demanding thing and being superglued to a small boy that wants something but who bloody knows what. I finally get him to sleep at about 2pm (I’ve never been so relieved about him napping as I was this day). B asked if nanny could come round and I’ve not seen her in ages so invite her for tea. She comes over around 2.45. The boy child typically the boy child wakes up at 3 right on time for school run. I’m going to be honest he’s woken up in as foul a mood as he fell asleep so like fuck am I taking him on school run if someone is here that can watch them. Nanny said se will watch them and so I pass the grumpy little sod to her and head to get the girls. 

R and G are amazingly happy to see me it’s really nice, I do feel bad as I’m clouded by the stress of the day and doing a pretty shit job of pretending to be interested and amazed by the pictures they’ve come home with. 

Then it gets interesting. We go to get A ! Now A told me the day they broke up from school that her egg didn’t win the paint an egg competition (how it didn’t I don’t know as it was eggcelent). In fairness I probably put more work into hers than she did so if anything I should of won. Anyway, she said that everyone in the class got a chocolate bar and a book but she didn’t as she was with her councillor.she was crying her little eyes out and I felt terrible for her and was fuming at her teacher. So today was the first day I was going to speak to her teacher about it. I walked up to her and said “A is really upset with you and I am also” she asked why I responded with, “well she was in counciling on the last day of school when everyone got chocolate and a book and she didn’t get any because you forgot her, now given she’s in counciling for a number of issues including low self esteeem im really upset that you could do that to her” I didn’t expect the reply I was met with… “I don’t know what you’re talking about only the winner got chocolate and a book”. Fuck my fucking life, I now want the ground to swallow me up and am as embarrassed as hell! My daughter decided it would be funny to lie to try get her teacher in trouble I can only presume as some sort of payback for not letting her win. I apologise and promise to deal with A when we get home. I try to talk to A about this and she is laughing at me, I explain it’s ok if she got confused she replies “I didn’t” spiteful little madam! So I send her to her room to think about how she will fix this and don’t let her down until dinner and then she goes straight to bed. Given the stubborn little madam she is she spends all week in her room. I give her plenty of oppertunities to understand how she has upset her teacher and myself and how she can apologise but she just won’t she genuinely doesn’t seem to care and finds it hilarious that I told her teacher off for something she didn’t do. 

I cook dinner and chris comes home. I go upstairs to try talk to A who is screaming she hates me, I’m mean, and she wishes I would die (cheers kid). As I do I hear the small boy in the hallway and run out to grab him. It’s to late.. I find myself and chris chasing after a small boy that’s rolling down the entire flight of stairs. It’s gong in slow motion but too quickly for either of us to stop it. On his way down he passes and nearly knocks over B also (who kindly left the gate open for him to get up even though she knows full well it’s to stay closed). Chris grabs him at the bottom and I go full mental mum! It’s like chris is a stranger and I’m clouded with worry for the child that has been bugging me all day. I was put my arms out to take the boy child and Chris was cuddling him trying to comfort him, I then started shouting at Chris “give me my fucking son” he replied calmly “he’s ok, he’s not bleeding and I’m just calming him down” I then shout more “seriously just give me my fucking son now” I lost all care of minding my language or volume because we have kids, it all just went. I was angry and terrified my heart racing like it never has before, sweating and in a little bubble of though that I was the only one that could comfort him. To be fair this small child that I had grown in my womb, protected and uses breast to comfort his every need was now in daddy’s arms happily laughing at him pulling stupid faces while checking him over for injuries. I do feel really sorry for Chris looking back, how the must of made him feel can’t of been nice. I still haven’t apologised to be honest and I’m not sure I will. Although I feel bad for essentially making him feel like he wasn’t good enough to comfort our son, I can’t bring myself to apologise for being worried about the boy child. Now the boy is calm and I’ve calmed a bit (helped by going outside while I called my friend who works at the hospital) I called 111 and got told to take him to a and e to be checked over. Nanny bless her who has just been comforting the others mainly B who is clearly upset because she left the gate open, then takes us to the hospital. He had a full inspection and I was interrogated to the point I felt like they thought I’d pushed him down the fucking stairs. The one thing about that I will say is as annoying as it is being questioned like that, it’s incredible and a good thing they’re so thorough for the sake of the child. He was happily playing and to be honest if anything the fall knocked some happy into him. This is the happiest I had seen him all day. 

They cleared him to go home and be monitored for concussion. We got back and nanny had her dinner and headed home. I stayed in his bed that night and laid up staring at him and poking him hourly while reliving the nightmare we had just endured over and over in my head. The girls went to bed really simply after I apologised for saying naughty words and shouting at daddy. I’m almost sure they only went to bed simply because they’ve never seen or heard me like that and it worried them poor girls. 

WEDNESDAY.. 

After literally zero sleep I’m like a fucking major mombie this morning. I explain to the girls mummy might not be so patient this morning because I’m tired and grumpy. To which R replies “it’s ok mummy we all get hangry” kids got a point we all do especially me. A has decided she’s not in enough trouble already and doesn’t want to go to school.. deep joy! I am exhausted and trying hard to be patient. I explain a good choice would be to get dressed and ready for school or a bad choice would be don’t and end up going to school in pjs. She chose the later until three seconds before we left the house when she got her superfast dressing skills out . Probably a good job because I had already been having a hard time with Gabriella who was crying because her sick has pins in it (the seem was annoying her) and so she couldn’t possibly wear any socks at all. It normally takes around an hour to get them sorted and it was a stupidly stressful hour at that. B didn’t want to wear any shoes , G didn’t want to wear socks A well she was being a royal pain in the butt, the boy child was hanging off my tit while I was trying to brush and put up the girls hairs (that shots hard for the record). I eventually got them to school. B decided on a more original breakfast this morning it consisted of carrot sticks, pepper and cucumber. Starbge child she is. 

Ah well she’s happy. The boy child is signing pancake at me. So I sort him out make lunch for later, out dinner in the slow cooker and get their bags ready for crèche as I’ve got a course this morning. 8.40 just as we are about to leave the door B decided she needed a poo so I send her up telling her to not be long , she is back in a flash waving shit covered fingers at me while saying “look mummy I wiped my own bum” clearly she did it well . So upstairs we head for a clothes change and wash. We get to nursery late and I take the boy child in to his room while giving B a kiss and a cuddle and encouraging her to go play with her friends. He screams and I mean hugely while I’m explaining to them he has to be monitored and handing them the concussion leaflet, B is stood at the gate and refusing to go into the bigger room. The boy child is now signing milk please just as I get an accident form to fill out the injuries occurred from his badly played superman impression on the stairs last night. So I’m sat with him hanging off me and filling out this form in the baby room at nursery. When he finishes i pass him to one of the staff and he kicks off again. I’m sure he thinks I’m leaving forever , B is now begging to come with me. I pass her to the nursery manager and feel terrible as the manger is telling me it’s fine and to go while being hit and kicked by this small, but incredibly strong ginger person of mine. I head to my course. 

I go get the kids and take them to the children’s centre for half hour while waiting to open up the breastfeeding support group I run there. My food friend Joan meets us there. 

When we are done we head to the centre to give the keys back and B decided she’s gunna kick off because she doesn’t want to go home. I’m dealing with her while telling the lady there to expect the normal call from the hospital about the boys fall. Joan is driving home so she gets in the car while I try to sort a now screaming small boy because he’s tired and a B that isn’t listening to a word I’m saying. Then a do hooded trying to help suggests to B that we race Joan home!!! I asked her to kindly not suggest things like that to my child and she questioned me. I’m sorry but what is it to do with her why I don’t want her suggesting things to my daughter I get she was trying to help, but she just successfully made our trip home even harder! Why oh why do people get involve . I eventually get B out the door and what does she do … runs off ahead because she is racing Joan home! Courtesy of the lady that felt the need to get involved! After about 2 minutes of trying to bargain with her (that seemed like fucking forever) I then tell her if she doesn’t stop she will have no treats for the rest of the week. The good old treats bribe a handy one to rely on in desperate times. She walks fairly well after that intermittently trying to dart off but a quick “young lady” in my mom voice reminds her of the no treats issue. The boy is still screaming. Typically 40 seconds from home this happens 🙄

So I have to stealth him into bed . Then time for a quick cuppa and school run. The dreaded time I have to face A’s poor teacher again liked with embarrassment. The girls come out all happy as normal I great them with cuddles and kisses. We the head to collect A. I stood as far as possible from the classroom for fear of having to face her teacher. We get home A is still in trouble so goes to her room the other two are tired and yelling at me for food . I say food , crisps or cake is the only food they consider acceptable when I tell them diners on they kick right off waking the boy. Now I have three crying kids and I’m peeling potatoes. Poor Joan ends up settling them all while I do dinner. We eat and she goes home. Chris and I start bedtime we let R stay up a little as she has been so good and A is kicking and throwing things in the bedroom ( I’m almost sure she’s going to start her periods soon). Next thing I know .. 

he does work hard bless him. 

The night went much as the previous and Thursday and Friday are pretty clouded with me working to be honest so for fear of writing the same things over and over again I will leave it at that for now. What I will say is yes I missed the kids Monday but by Wednesday I was glad to have them back at school I won’t lie. They either love eachother and are conspiring against us, Or hate eachother and are doing their best WWE impressions. Do any of you have any idea how hard it is to have to consciously hold back on saying l things like “just sod off and give me a fucking break for five minutes you little shit” because it’s not socially acceptable nor beneficial to say to children. It’s mentally exhausting holding back and reminding myself they’re children that I love with all my heart and although they’re challenging at times they are learning and doing fucking amazingly at it. It will be well worth it as long as they grow into decent and kind adults I guess and I’ll be willing them to be scaring , upsetting and exhausting me again before I know it. 

Thanks for reading. 

Until next time . 

Kate 😘

My review on Sophie’s little prints. 

So I found a little business called Sophie’s little prints. Their pictures pulled me in straight away. 

Now having five kids I’m always looking out for a bargain deal on pictures of the kids for the wall. I like these to be original and unique because let’s face it no body wants something everyone has, but that normally comes at a cost. The name of the business pulled me in to start with as it reminded of one of those little shabby chic shops you find tucked away on a high street. Where you can get little things that are hand made and beautifully so. 

With only 150 odd followers I was jubious but none the less, intrigued. Having a scroll through I found she’s not been running long which explains the small following. While having a browse and reading reviews I realised she was so much more than just little prints, there are all sorts of wonderful things on there from invites and business cards to posters. 

So I bit the bullet and messaged her. Petrified of how much it was going to set me back because the prints she shows on her page look rather pricey. Sophie replied promptly and professionally. Which bought huge bonus points in my eyes as I’m massively inpatient. 

I was shocked to say the least to discover she only charged £6.50 per a4 print and discounted it as I wanted five. Sophie informed me she applies a discount for orders containing more than three items which is great in itself. 

Now those that follow me, may know all my babies were premature and I wanted something to show how much they had grown. Sophie was amazing I went in with a simple idea and left the work to her. I suggested a print with pictures of my children at birth and of them now with their weights, ages and dates of birth, One for each child. Still slightly weary about the fact they’re not costing a lot and the business being relatively new. I decided to give it a go, I mean what’s the worst that can happen at £6.50 a print? I sent the pictures and information and paid for the prints via PayPal. 

I expected to wait a few days before hearing anything, but that evening I got a message saying she was starting my prints! I was shocked it was that quick. Throughout Sophie designing and making my prints she informed me and sent me pictures of her progress. She started with the boy child’s and it had grey hearts on the background it was beautiful and then she started the girls they also had a grey heart background. I asked if they could possibly be pink hearts and she did as I wished and then suggested changing the boy child’s to blue. I didn’t even think of that. 

When we were both happy with the spellings , details, etc she sent me copy’s of the finished prints before she printed. They were amazing so I gave her the go ahead to print. She then sent a copy of A’s one printed and I realised I had sent it with the spelling of her middle name wrong (damn auto correct). Without hesitation, although she had already printed it she re printed with the correct spelling and double checked all the rest before printing them. 

As you can see I have blocked out their dates of birth but that’s for my own reasons, that’s not how the prints came obviously. 

Once printed I got a picture of them complete and assured they would be posted the following morning. They looked so much better on paper than the computer versions I had reviewed. I was so pleased. 

Again I took this with a pinch of salt about the posting. I then recieved an inbox via Facebook with the postage receipt. I was over the moon. They were on their way. 

The next day the postman came with a hard backed envelope stating do not bend on it. I assumed it would be something I had ordered from eBay, Didnt for one minute think my prints would of arrived already. I was wrong they were here and so much more amazing than they looked over Facebook. Firstly they were printed on card and I thought they would be on paper, the colours brighter, the pictures better quality and I couldn’t wait to get them into frames. 

I headed off to her page and thanked Sophie, before running to matalan to purchase some frames. I managed to get the frames for a fiver each so pretty cheap and well worth it. I got home and before I did anything else I popped the pictures in and am amazed truly amazed at the quality and they’re incredible in frames. They really are perfect, everything I asked for and more. I can’t thank Sophie enough for the quick and amazing service she provided at an incredible price. Now all I need to do is get them on the wall. 


As you can see they really are amazing. 

So if you’re looking for something beautiful, original, personal and made to a great standard then check the page out . You can find her at Sophie’s little prints on Facebook. The link is https://www.facebook.com/sophieslittleprints/

Many thanks 

Kate 😘 

Side note.. I have blocked out the dates of births myself this is not how the prints came. 

Week two of half term. Is it time to go back to school yet? 

Don’t get me wrong I love extra time with the kids over half terms but my god is it shattering, especially when having to work too. Then there is the fact the kids either get on and do stuff they shouldn’t , or fight and scream at each other constantly, the late nights, the more relaxed routine (that isn’t in anyway more relaxed if anything it’s more fucking stressful) , the more mess to clean up or the mum in me feels I have to find things for us to do everyday, because I don’t want them going back to school and not being able to tell their friends about their adventures. Is physically and mentally draining. The extra cuddles and time spent with the kids make up for it most of the time to be fair, but In all honesty though Monday can’t come quick enough now. Although when Monday does come I will feel bad for writing this (at least for a moment or two). The second week was much like the first with having to rely on good friends to help with the kids. So a massive thankyou to those that have helped. Not many people want five kids while I go to work for twelve hours , they don’t want to get up at stupid o’clock to look after them especially. Which is understandable especially given my kids can be a handful, although typically they’re all fucking angels for other people (if someone could teach them how to be like that at home too would be great)  so I do really appreciate the help I get. 

Monday.. 

I swapped my late shift for an early today because it was more beneficial for work and meant we could go out with the kids in the afternoon. Chris is off today as it’s a bank holiday so he has the pleasure of the little shit bags for the morning. We get up I get myself sorted for work , including packing a spare set of clothes to change after work, the kids stay in pjs as they typically got up late (couldn’t of done that on my day off hey!) and he takes me to work. A decided at 7.20 she wanted to come with me so gets herself dressed super fast and comes to work with me for the morning. I would tell you what they got up to in the morning, but that would mean finding the time to actually have a conversation with him which is impossible with how busy our life is, most nights we are lucky to even sleep in the same bed let alone have a chat. So anyway I do my shift (and it was an awesome shift) , finish , gets changed and chris picks me up with the kids . We then head to ploughmans garden centre it’s awesome there the kids love it. However I didn’t get any pictures as I was to busy trying to stop the kids pulling all the breakable stuff over and reminding myself it’s not socially acceptable to put them on leads while looking at all the beautiful garden things that no way in hell can we afford because yes we both work, but we also have a small army that eat and shit in our money. That’s right people kids are expensive little shits and always need something so if you go to work as a parent thinking you’ll be able to buy more things for your home or you, I will warn you now that won’t happen. As parents we also have this stupid inbuilt conscience that seems to put a block on us buying ourselves anything nice because although you may have the money, you feel the kids could use that new pair of sandals more (although they’ve got five pairs already). So anyway yeah we are at ploughmans , we go to see my grandparents who own the owls the kids hold and cuddle the owls, we then go on the steam train, back to the owls and head home . B convinced us to go to the bumpy road, it’s a massive road with loads of shitty hills that make you feel like you’re going to vom on you’re lap at any point called matchems lane (things we do for the kids ey). They’re all laughing their heads off on the journey down the road though and although really bloody loud is awesome to hear. We got home , had dinner , baths and bedtime routine. Chris takes the small girls as usual while I take the small boy child. The other two sit watching tv. They settle relatively well, then R and A are left and this is where shit gets interesting. A has decided she shall not even think about bedtime because she’s eight, you know! She is too big to be told when her bedtime is or asked to go to bed. She however in her quest to not go to bed turns into a bloody toddler, answering back, screaming, stamping , waving her arms around like an octopus on fucking LSD, jumping up and down. This carries on for a good half an hour until I eventually get her into bed now before R because she will intentionally keep R awake, she’s lost all technology privalidges for Tuesday. Have you ever tried to stay calm when you’ve a child that’s old enough to know better acting like a two year old? That shits hard, very fucking hard. I think I deserve some sort of award. Eventually she calms down and R has put herself in our bed so she can get some rest, bless her she hears it go quiet and asks if she can go to her own bed. So off she goes all is quiet for now. How the hell standing on a floor board can wake the three small kids up but a screaming , shouting, eight year old does not is beyond me, But for now everyone is sleeping. The night goes as usual B wakes up with tummy ache. We are at the point with this that we think it’s more habit than actual pain now because it’s every day. So we get some squash on a medicine spoon and magic she’s asleep again (good old placebo). Then the boy child wakes for the first of what seems like about 30,000 times. Until eventually I get into his bed. 

Tuesday.. 

I’m just gunna whack this in here it’s now actually the following Wednesday, but my week has been so good damn busy I don’t even remember if I’ve had time to poo let alone write. Infact this is how I’m currently writing .. multitasking pro hey?? 

So as it’s half term the kids couldn’t possibly lay in and instead get up at the absolute arse crack of dawn…. again. This time the boy child is still asleep and so I send them back to play for a bit until he wakes up. Lasted all of ten minutes before I hear….”mum B popped in my face” from R .. popped, in our house is the child equivalent of farted but I don’t like the word fart , no idea why, I just don’t. So I reluctantly remove myself from the warm, cozy, bed that has improsoned me, to find out why one child has felt the need to expel over 300 poo particles into another’s face! I ask what happened and B states “she wouldn’t play with me, now I’m not her best friend” .. I go on to explain why it’s not acceptable to pop in other people’s faces and they are sisters and a team and should play nicely. Whilst in my head I’m giving B an imaginary high five for her creativeness (you’ve got to admit that shit is funny, excuse the pun). So anyway I’m up now, and we head downstairs I go through the usual what do you want for breakfast and everyone wants something we haven’t got. Eventually they all settle for corn flakes with sugar. Corn flakes are the only cereal I allow them to have sugar on and that’s only because I can’t able arsed buying Frosties as well as corn flakes. At this point the boob monster is demanding the boob he’s so desperately missed for the whole three hours he’s been solidly asleep. I bring him downstairs and feed him then go for my morning poo(this time I lock the door no kid is ruining this moment for me). However I do come down to this  i think there is five kids in there somewhere. I then tell the girls to get dressed , while I dress the boy child and we do some colouring after. Sounds good right? Well there is five of them and only two pink pencils. Note to all the mums out there always buy enough for one per child, it’s just not worth the stress. They’re fighting and playing tug of war with the pencils, yes that’s right bloody pencils. So I do the whole “but you’re colouring grass so you don’t need pink you need green with that triggered “but I want to colour the flowers”.. really?! Because clearly flowers can’t be anything but pink obviously ?! After about ten minutes they’re all colouring one item each with four different colours. Then I get a text that reads “I’ll be over about lunchtime” … bollocks! I completely forgot Lyn was coming over with the kids and they’re camping in the garden tonight. I ask her to grab some extra mince , Bolegnense sauce and pasta so I can make enough dinner for all of us. It’s the boy child’s nap time, for the girls that means tv and tablet time just to keep them quiet so I can get him to sleep. I take him up feed him and get him to sleep on my return downstairs they’re now fighting over the tablet. That’s it I’ve had enough of the fighting and it’s only 9.30am. So I suggest going in the garden and they all do. That gives me time to clean, the boy child to sleep and the best part… some quiet for half hour at least until the “mum I need to pee” “mum I need a drink” “mum she did this” starts. I clean up and make a cuppa that for the first time since I can remember I can drink hot. It’s amazing the things you take for granted before you have kids hey? He sleeps until lunchtime while I am out in the sun and the kids are all being good. I might add they’re only being good because when they’re in the garden they’re all off doing their own thing and staying away from eachother. Anyway the boy wakes I make lunch and we chill for a little bit. Then Lyn , Jaff and the kids turn up with a massive tent part of me is petrified 8 kids overnight in the garden with one adult the other part relieved, because we may have half a chance of getting a reasonable sleep. They’re all excited to “camp” Lyn and Jaff put the tent up while I make dinner and get ready for work. I’ve decided there is no way in hell im letting eight kids eat spag Bol in my lounge firstly Isaacs allergic and secondly I can’t be arsed to clean it up so they have a picnic dinner and we make out it is amplifying the camping experience for them (parenting hack there saves mess inside and the birds, cats or some other animal is sure to eat the mess left). We eat and Chris gets back, he then takes me to work. I tell the girls enjoy camping , I will miss you and I’ll be honest I do hope they enjoy it, I will miss them but I’m deeply hoping they don’t escape the tent, or knock on my window in the night. At least at work my anxiety won’t bother me as I’ll be busy. 

I get home from work about 11.45pm and before I do anything I go and investigate the tent situation, making sure I can’t hear any awake kids etc. I spot two unopened cans of cider outside it which Chris has clearly left making me think he must of thought Lyn needed them she however didn’t drink them. I get inside and text her “I hope everything’s ok out there” she replies “yup everyone’s asleep but all huddled on Me” I laugh so much I nearly wake the boy. I express then head to bed, Chris isn’t there he is up with the boy child. Haha sucker that’s me getting a decent sleep at least. (He is a good guy). I get into bed where I starfish and cherish every moment of it so much so I can’t sleep. Then I can’t sleep because I want to bring my babies in and end up having a debate with myself about given them a chance to have fun and not ruining it because of my anxiety and I eventually fall asleep and stay asleep ALL night. That’s right I slept all night! I don’t think anyone else did however. 

WEDNESDAY… 

Im going to be honest, Wednesday is a bit of a blur I woke up more tired than I would of been if I was up half the night. Why the hell does that happen? I do know I spent most of it in the garden with Lyn and the kids. Just after lunch my mum turns up and takes the girls for the evening so I can work Thursday. Then Lyn and Jaff go to and it’s just me and the boy child for a while (weird experience that was). I cleaned up and that’s about it. Oh actually something great happened today some prints I ordered arrived, but I’ll write about those seperatly. He went to bed relatively simply, but proceeded to wake up every hour through the night. In the end I stayed up there until about 4.30am where I went down and woke chris to take over so I could get a couple hours sleep. 

Thursday… 

I got up and had a feeling of what it would be like to just have one child, it makes me uneasy, it’s relatively straight forward, stress free and that just isn’t right! I get him to nursery and go to work. 

Chris is working by me so brings me home and This is the most odd experience yet. It’s just me and Chris. We have a couple of hours us time and it’s weird but nice. I will spare you the details of what we got up to, but you can imagine haha. Sorry to our parents if you’re reading this.. (That’s a lie I’m not really sorry) 

He heads to get the boy child from nursery. Chris and the boy child get back and I start the boob and bed routine while Chris goes to rugby. As I sit wondering where the girls are as they should be back around now I hear noise outside. Mums back with the kids. Wondering why she hasn’t come in with them I go downstairs and start cleaning up while they’re all playing in the garden before I pop outside for some “air”. At which point I hear .. “what the hell are you doing home” like I’m not welcome at my own house haha. She didn’t think I finished until 8 and was waiting for chris to get back from nursery because his car wasn’t there haha. She comes in with the kids and as usual the moment I say “make sure you’re quiet your brothers in bed” it’s like someone presses the infanate volume button and each one of the four girls goes full volume. I con mum into helping me get them to bed before she leaves in return for a cuppa I completely forgot to make her (sorry mum). She heads home and I clean up ( i swear I’m forever fucking cleaning up). It’s like the kids walked In and created a tonrnado without touching anything! I host my breastfeeding hour on the McParents Page and head to bed ready for the whirlwind night ahead. Me and chris again split the wakings between us. 

FRIDAY… 

We got up late .. whoops, I got ready for work as did chris. My friends Sally and dan turned up With little E and C at 7.30am to watch the girls and we went to work. (Thankyou so much guys for helping out)  When I get home all the kids where in bed asleep as was Chris however the house was a state to the point I did wonder if they had killed him. He does a lot in the house and with the kids in fairness, is tired and the amount of times he gets home and the house is a mess I can’t really moan. Although I think about it while cleaning the kitchen, I don’t I leave him asleep, pack for kas’ tomorrow, then head to bed. 

Saturday.. 

Earlier in the week I decided to invite me, Chris and the kids to Kas’ again as you do! Because Chris had rugby out of town so as gunna take us on the way and come stay with us when he was done. Me and Kas also invited Kerry (another mcparents admin) and a couple other admins that where close. Only Kerry could come though the others couldn’t warrant the travel unless they could stay and Kas’ house just isn’t big enough. However we have agreed we need a mass meet up and have a few admin weddings and birthdays coming up (look out for those blogs they will be interesting to say the least). 

So yeah Chris decides we have to leave super early so he can have a sleep in the car before rugby. Luckily we packed most things last night and so are up and out the door at 8.30. He drops me off by 10.45 and we breeze in like we own the place as you do. Haha . Chris stays for a bit and runs Wayne to the shop before he heads off to rugby. The kids are off playing already so we are sorted pretty much. It’s funny how it’s less stressful with more kids than less don’t you think? They go see the ducks, while me and Kas sit and catch up between chasing the boy child around for fear he will hurt himself as his new favourite toy is the back door. R’s tooth is twisted because it’s so lose but is stuck between her tooth next to it and the adult tooth behind it so Kas convinces R to let her help it out (by convinces I mean we bribed her because it’s hurting her) after about fifty failed attempts we have a tooth out and no longer annoying R. Watching it was hilarious (how I wish I could upload a video to this). The amount of times the string slipped off until finally it stayed on and Kas had hold of the string and R moved backwards and didn’t even notice she had pulled the tooth herself. 

 Then the door goes… it’s Kerry, Mike , P and little A (Kerry informs us she has forgotten wine so we toy with the idea of not letting her in but we are nice so dont send her away) I’m so excited to meet them and it’s like  we’ve known eachother years we all chat and laugh , while the boy has turned to Velcro and won’t leave my side. The kids are playing nicely in the garden, they really are a great bunch of kids (when they’re getting on at least) well bar the couple of 8 turned 18 year olds that are hiding in the bedrooms on laptops and xboxes. I’ve got to say I want Kerry’s top “stressed but well dressed” it’s amazing. And Wayne is a clever man he made the see saw himself the kids loved it.

We enjoy a lush BBQ cooked by Wayne it was so nice. Then it’s time for Kerry and her bunch to go :(.. we promise her wine so we make her down a glass before she leaves while we pour one for ourselves. Weget the  smalls ready for bed they’re all filthy, but you know what they’re exhausted so a wet wipe wash it is for now. Chris gets back and helps with bedtimes. We get them in at a reasonable time although only the small three are asleep the rest are quiet and settled. So we head back to the garden with Wayne and Chris. Pour another glass and start an adult evening. It’s a massive laugh we have great fun. The kids are now all asleep and Me and kas get a bit camera happy haha. Sending the other admins an abundonce of selfies as you do. 

Most looking very much like this. Because well we don’t get to adult much. We head to bed around 1am and suddenly realise we forgot to be the fucking tooth fairy. So now we have to full on stealth mode past loads of kids to get some money and a note under the pillow for R , by we I mean me and kas haha. She writes a note and we head on up. She has the creakiest floor boards I’ve ever fucking known and how we didn’t get caught between the floor boards and our mildly tipsy state is beyond me (I feel the need to add chris and Wayne are not tipsy as chris has to drive and Wayne is on strong painkillers) but we manage. Kas is a much better person then me with her thoughtful note. I was literally just going to write , well done on your first tooth love the tooth fairy. Haha. 

And we head to bed but not before Wayne is walking down the stairs to get something and trips (he didn’t fall before you think we are as evil as he does) and we literally wet ourselves laughing at the poor bloke. He has a bad back and we are trying to unbelievably hard not to laugh, but it’s hilarious at the time and we are howling. Until we are snapped back to reality by the kids stirring and we scuttle off to bed still sniggering. He was not happy with us for laughing as (although we didn’t realiseat the  time) he hurt his back more doing so. Me and Chris have a double(if you can call it that haha) and a single air bed so he takes the single and I take the double because we won’t both fit on one. Until he resorts to the sofa as he is uncomfortable. 

Sunday.. 

4am, yes 4 bloody am B wakes up and I’m so scared she will wake everyone else like last time I bring her down with me and we snuggle on the air bed, although she thinks it’s a bouncy castle and everytime one of us moves the other goes flying haha. The boy actually slept all night. The others didn’t wake until around 7.30 either and played upstairs B and the boy child wake around 8, by about 8.30 me and Chris are surrounded by a farm of children all asking for food. Kas gets up (thank fuck for that because I was about to let them eat everything she owned) and they all eat I say eat, more like feast and me and chris pack our stuff up ready to go. Trying to get the kids dressed is beyond a task something that normally doesn’t take that long takes an hour and a half nearly! About 11 we say our goodbyes and head home to get ready for the first day back at school tomorrow. 

We get home and Chris goes shopping with R to get her new school shoes , all the girls new lunch  boxes and food. He takes B with him also telling her she isn’t getting anything as we can’t afford it, but she can go with him as she is upset he’s going. Leaving me with the boy child, G and A, who are all tired and miserable. I put the boy child to bed and G and A play on the tablet and a phone purely to keep them awake and happy. About 1pm my dad turns up to see the kids , im exhuasted because sleeping in an air bed just doesn’t work with a four year old and they’re so loud. He is so good with the kids they play for ages before dinner is done and are all having a great time. They love it when grandad comes as do I.  We all eat and he heads home while we bath the kids and get them to bed ready for school. Bedtime went relatively smoothly In all honesty though they’re all to exhausted to fight it and know I’m to exhausted to put up with any playing up at bedtime. When they’re in bed me and Chris get everything ready for school and work and head for an early night. 

So yeah that was week two of half term and I’m totally and utterly, mentally and physically exhuasted as is Chris. Thank fuck for back to school, the kids are fed up of eachother and I’m fed up of them being fed up of eachother. They miss and need the routine and  structure of a school week to function even slightly normally. Although I do have to say the extra time and cuddles have been amazing. 

Again thankyou hugely to the people that helped us out. Without your help we wouldn’t both be able to work and keep the kids happy. We really appreciate it. 

Until next time :). 

Much love 

Kate 

Half terms combined with work and kids 

So we are a a week into half term. Now given my mind being fogged by tiredness I should not be aloud to make important decisions, as I set my hours to go from part time to full time on the first day of the Easter holidays. We’ve worked with it as with five kids we both need to work full time. Half terms with kids are a minefeild when you work takes weeks of planning, begging and  organising all of which im shit at unless it’s under pressure or to do with work. (If someone could tell me how I manage to be super organised and relatively streesfree at work but not at home in half terms that would be great).

It’s been a hectic week to say the least. 

Monday

 I got the two small ones up, dressed and out the door for 7.45 to get them to nursery for 8 and my to work for 8.30am. Work have been amazing they understand that nursery doesn’t open until the moment my shift should start and so agreed for me to start half hour later Mondays and Thursdays. The three eldest stayed out Sunday night so I could work Monday. I worked a twelve hour shift then came home and chris had got the small ones from nursery , the older ones my mum had dropped off and all five were all in bed. I was shattered, but needed to express before I went to bed. No sooner had I finished expressing did the small boy child wake up and that was me I fed him and fell asleep doing so. I woke up on his bed and my phone was on his toot toot race track. Yes that’s right he had either not fallen asleep properly or had woken and gone for a play while I napped. I heard poor chris get up more than once with B and G. 

Tuesday 

The morning came and I think I’d had about 4 hours sleep in total. My friends girls came over early morning about 7.30 as we childcare share in the holidays to enable us to work and the kids not to miss out. So I help her and she helps me and it works really well :). All seven kids are eating breakfast (really bloody loudly) and I decide there and then I will see if we can get a bouncy castle as it’s a lovely day, and the noise outside in the garden is a lot better than the noise inside the house. In fairness the girls are good girls and mine just run off and play with them so it’s no different to just having mine. Message Alfie’s bouncy castles and ask if There is any chance they’ve one spare to rent for the day knowing full well it’s unlikely, but hoping they do….. Bingo, they’re so helpful and lovely, they have one available so I book it for the smalls to arrive around 10am. I don’t tell the kids because I can’t possibly bear them asking me every thirty seconds when it’s coming I’m too tired for that shit on repeat. I’m discussing with them how I’m going to pay as I’ve no cash on me and the post arrives (perfect timing) , a card from my nan with some money in for the kids I ask the kids if they’d rather put some of their pennies towards the bouncy castle or save it (yup bad mummy) They all agree to put towards the castle for them and their friends (it’s a hugely shocking experience) they never agree on anything let alone decide they want to share their money to get something for everyone. I’m filled with pride for how sensible they’re being (while trying to figure out who swapped them for someone else’s kids) I transfer the money I was going to use into savings for them. 

The bouncy castle arrives at 9.15am (have I mentioned how amazing Alfie’s bouncy castles are) they arrived early knowing the kids are now excited because they’re now aware about the bouncy castle. I sign a waver to basically say if the kids fall off it’s not their fault (fair enough to be honest if a kid falls off though I’m not taking the blame either) they even throw in a couple free space hoppers (I honestly can’t thank Ian and Ali alenough). I sit the kids down and give them the usual rules I know they won’t listen to, no jumping on the sides, of the front, on eachother and be careful. The kids are amazed, over the moon and out in the garden while I clean breakfast stuff (not listening to the rules I set out) sighing seconds i had to go out to tell them to sit for a minute and remember the rules because B came in screaming that her and G had bumped heads while bouncing into each other on purpose. All the same They’re having so much fun and it’s lovely to see (obviously is now quiet inside too which is also amazing haha). 


G asks if her friend H can come over so I call his dad and he comes over too, plus Another friend of mine is off uni , so now 8 kids turns to 11 as she comes over with her three small people. Normally I’d be pulling my hair out thinking about that many kids at mine, but this bouncy castle is hours of fun and they’re all playing beautifully if you exclude the petty little arguments. A good friend of mine also comes over to see us. We all relax in the garden while the kids play. I use the term relax loosely as one of the kids always wants a piss, drink, or something but they can’t remember what, regardless they’re having fun. They all have lunch and play some more. H goes home about 2.30, my friends two girls get collected around 3pm, Joan heads home around 4 and at 4.15 I start dinner for me my friend and all the kids. I run to wash my hair while dinners cooking, The bouncy castle is collected at 5 while I’m cooking dinner with a towel wrapped around my head , Dish it up at 5.10 and am eating and trying to talk to them at the same time feeling really rude (still with the fucking towel around my head), but I have to leave for work at 5.30 and I’m not even dressed for work yet (whoops). I eat super fast, any parent will know this is a skill you acquire pretty quickly after expelling a small human from your body. Chris walks in I’m hoping around with one sock on, my work top on , trying to brush my hair and get my trousers on at the same time. Lyn offers to have the kids so he can drop me in, that saves us the arguments about who’s sitting in what seat in the car that we have every time despite the kids seats being in set fucking places because frankly we can’t be arsed to move car seats around every time we go out. Chris gets changed quickly and takes me to work (he’s a good egg). I get home around 11.30, I’m exhausted but express before heading to bed. My head hits the pillow and the boy Childs super senses have kicked in! My first thoughts , fucking wonderful, but I get up feed him and surprisingly he goes back off until 3am ish. Chris deals with the girls through the night while I deal with the small boy. 

Wednesday

I wake up with the boy at 5am and he goes back off again I head back to bed praying for a lay in.. pahahaha I should of known that pissing prayer wouldn’t of been answered. 6.30 yes that’s right 6 fucking 30 in half term on my day off G wakes up as does A and being the kind caring sisters they are, they can’t bear to be awake without their sisters so within half hour all four of them and demanding all sorts. None of the items they want being breakfast unless you class sweets, chocolate, Christmas presents or to write their birthday lists (which are a year away) as breakfast. Chris heads to work and I con a couple of the kids to lay in bed with me for a little bit just as the boy child wakes up. I bring him down and he signs milk please. So I feed him and bribe A with treats if she makes breakfast. She does bless her and they all sit and eat while I finish feeding the boy child. When I enter the lounge they’re playing happily however it looks like we’ve not cleaned for a week. 

I get the boy breakfast which is pancakes and also the only god damn thing he will eat bar safe chocolate and they all play while I attempt to wash and clean up. I take him up to bed about 9.15 as is he frantically signing , milk , please , sleep. I lay and feed him while listening to the girls playing it’s actually really nice. He doses off and I head downstairs. Head into the kitchen and they’ve found the fucking play doh bag I thought I’d hidden really well. I tell them they can play with a little bit but it has to be kept relatively tidy, not all over the floor and swept and moped before the boy wakes because he is allergic. Why the hell I thought they’d listen to me I do not know. My children are only interested in listening if it involves bribery in the form of sweets. This is what I was met with after cleaning the bathroom  🙄🙄

That’s just a little and not spread everywhere in my children’s eyes clearly they meee to go get their glasses checked because they sure as hell ain’t seeing what I am! They play for an hour or so and I know he will wake soon so the next half hour is spent battling to get them to help me clean it up. In the end I got fed up of asking and resorted to “right all of you, on the sofa now” and I cleaned up the newly decorated floor. Right on que the boy child woke. I posted the above picture on Facebook and got a call from (and this might sound weird) my ex partners, ex girlfriend (remember my blog co parenting done right) Louise in a panick as if she hadn’t seen my picture she wouldn’t of known the boy was allergic to it and she is having the kids Friday for me. I would of told her obviously, but I’m pleased she called and checked. The rest of the day was a blur of cleaning, fighting , tantrums, yelling (surprisingly the kids yelling not me) , mess and constant demands. The one thing that did stand out is sending G to her room because she had been naughty to go up ten minutes later to find this. Until chris got home at which time we had dinner and he took the three older girls to my friend Tara’s for the night so I could work Thursday. I spend most of the evening texting tara thanking her and checking on the kids. The night went as usual minimal sleep even if we were down three kids.

Thursday.. 

I fed the boy silly o’clock somewhen. The morning and went back to sleep with him because sometimes it’s just fucking easier. Before anyone says anything , no I’m not making a rod for my own back, yes he does need soothing to sleep, yes I’m exhausted, as is chris, no I’m not letting him fucking cry it out! 6.45 I get up with the boy and B,Chris gets B dressed then gets sorted for work while I sort the boy . 7.30 he leaves for work and I get into my uniform. The  boy is not in his happy place this morning and I have to do the whole knee hold to get in the buggy trick eventually he’s in so I whack some make up on while yelling at B to get her coat on because I’ll win the race otherwise ( I didn’t know it was a race until those words fell out of my mouth) it worked thank fuck. We head to nursery. The boy screaming in his buggy I’m sure the people walking their dogs thought I had seriously injured him or something the way he was screaming and the way they looked at me. We get to nursery with ten minutes before they open the door and the boy starts signing milk please to me while making this awful shouty noise (at the ripe old age of 20 months he can’t talk yet so we are teaching him makaton). So I get him out and there I am stood in the nursery garden , tit out, stretched in a mega dodgy position I like to call boob aerobics , child attached feeding him before he goes in. He finishes fairly quickly and buggers off to play for a minute . Then I hear “mummy I made you breakfast” I turn around and am met with a mud pie that I’ve now got up convincingly pretend to eat. love my kids but it’s to early for this !! 

I’m rocking this whole mum stuff right now to be fair. The doors open and I head in take the boy to his keyworker who I’m sure he loves more than me. I don’t blame him she is awesome. Que B kicking off, she doesn’t want me to leave. The nursery manager is also amazing and takes her from my arms after a cuddle she’s kicking, screaming and trying to get her shoes off. The manager tells me to go and I’ve mixed feelings here, one being I feel bad and don’t want to leave her the other being I’ll be glad to get to work for the mental break from this half term so far. I call ten minutes later and she’s  fine bless her. Into work I go. Texting tara most of the day to check on the girls because I miss them.  I finish at 2, but get home late and head straight to the shop because Louise with L is due over for the night and I’ve got to get stuff for dinner. I get home about 4pm and Louise arrives shortly after only to whitness me cooking a last minute, 60 minute roast. Her words “you won’t gets roast cooked in that time babe” .. challenge accepted. I made my own yorkshires and had to cut the beef into thirds because it was so big, but my god it was amazing. Obligatory food pic below..

chris collects the small boy and B from nursery and arrives just as I’m dishing up. We eat together which as really nice then chris puts B to bed while I put the boy to bed. Chris then goes to rugby training.  Me and Louise decide it’s probably best that L is put to bed in my bed and moved. Bedtime for the older girls is as interesting as always infact more so as we have guests and so they don’t want to sleep and it ends up being a massive battle of wills .. I won eventually by the way haha. When they’re finally asleep me and Louise chill for a while before chris gets home, Louise moves L and we all go to bed. 

Friday..

Its my mums birthday today and I feel terrible I can’t see her but I’ve got to work. 

Poor Louise the kids are up and wide awake by 7 which is actually incredibly late for them. I got up late 6.50 to be exact and so did chris. So we rush around getting ready while reminding an already panicking Louise about where Isaacs safe food is and how not to let the kids touch or go near him while eating. We then rush it the door. I got home from work at 4.30 and everyone is still in pjs I’m far more jealous than I should be about this. The girls are busy telling me about the amazing day they’ve had and I’m exhausted doing the whole pretend to listen, nod, smile and throw in a few aww that’s lovely beautiful. While praising Louise on not being driven into a mental institute by the kids and wondering what the hell in gunna do for dinner as we’ve nothing in and it’s good Friday. Louise and L head home it’s been awesome having them stay. Back to dinner I’m still no further on so a text to chris to pick up McDonald’s the kids are over the moon with that so they eat and we bath them. G and R get collected by their dad, Chris battles to get B to bed and I attempt to get the boy child to sleep. As usual because I’ve been at work he is now scared the boob will be withheld forever so won’t let go for toffee. He finally falls asleep and I sneak away and ask A to go to bed surprisingly she does. We have a relatively easy night with the smalls (that’s right I didn’t believe it either to start with).

Saturday.. 

Chris has to work today because he’s Monday off and we can’t afford to lose the money so he goes off to work and I lay in bed with the boy child while A makes her and B breakfast. We get up and play for a while B is by 9am being rather defiant in sure because she misses daddy. I put the boy to bed and clean up. b wakes him not once but twice and the second time he’s not up for going back to sleep. Chris brother turns up with treats for the kids for Easter with O and she and the girls chat while they dig into their Easter eggs for an hour. Chris gets home just after lunch and starts cleaning the house like it’s been infested with some sort of contagious disease while moaning at me because I’m just chilling on the sofa watching April the giraffe in labour with the kids. (I don’t know what his problem is this giraffe is far more exciting than sorting washing). Did anyone see her give birth itvwas incredible. Amie’s asked to go to the trampoline park and so I booked it earlier. After getting the house sorted and the kids dressed we head there . 

For most people it’s great fun for me it’s the most stressful hour ever. Worrying about the small ones being crushed by the others there or broken bones and such. It’s just a massive bubble of anxiety. However I don’t show it and start teaching A how to do a few tricks I learnt from my trampoline lesson days she loves it. While Chris is giving me a mild heart attack by not being close enough to the small two for my liking (which in all honesty he was never going to be able to do unless he carried them the entire time) haha. When we leave we book a table at tgis for us , my mum and my bestie as it was mums birthday yesterday. The bestie can’t come so we go to collect mum. She’s really surprised especially since we gave her fifteen minutes notice (sorry mum). It was so nice eating out and not worrying about Isaacs allergies. And me and mum enjoyed a cocktail. 

Considering the table was for 7pm we got home mega late it was gone nine I think. So straight in and to bed for the kids. They all are shattered so went down simply. As normal though not for long. 

Sunday.. 

I woke up after a few hours sleep in the boys bed with him still firmly attatched to my boob. I sneak the nipple out of his mouth while hoping he doesn’t suddenly get all jaws like on me, I’m not up for that shit this morning. I head back to bed about 5 I think and get an hour and a half sleep before getting up and ready for work. Chris is home and not working so I let him deal with the small people and actually manage to get some make up on for work… I know that shocked me too. It’s probably helped by the fact they’d walked into the lounge and the “Easter bunny” has been. Chris keeps the kids up and collects me from work as he’s been playing a charity rugby game in the day while his mum watched and took the kids (thankyou julie). We walk in and I’ve not even had chance to take my shoes off and the boy is grunting at me and signing for milk wouldn’t even let me change so chris takes him while I do quickly. I didn’t even have time to ask the kids about their days. Cheers boy not like I may of wanted to sit down for a minute and rest after a twelve hour day.  And this is how I spent the next couple hours again he’s making up for a day without boob, because obviously the same milk he gets from my boobs(or should I say his boobs) just isn’t the same as from the source. I do love it don’t get me wrong but I could of done with a little time with chris this evening And felt bad as we’ve barely seen eachother and he was left to sorting the house. 

So yeah this week one of Easter half term. I’m shattered writing it and it’s taken me two days to do so. I cannot thank everyone that’s helped us so far enough for helping make sure the kids had a good time and Didnt miss out on the fun of half term even though me and chris were working. 

It’s now 12.20am Wednesday, I’ve been home from work an hour, just finished expressing and now need to try sleep. So that’s me for now :). 

Until next time. 

Much love 

Kate😘

Being spontaneous is not always ideal but avoids my anxiety and makes life more enjoyable. 

So I suffer with anxiety disorder and it really affects me and sometimes my children, although I try not to let it affect my children. It’s impossible or seemingly to hide it from them. On Saturday I woke up already in a foul mood from tiredness and the thought of going to rugby again with the kids. I wanted to do something different and get them out to enjoy themselves. 

I was asking in admin chat (I admin for the McParents Page go check it out it’s amazing) what I could do with the kids. All the girls were like come see me joking, or so they thought haha. Well kasi only lives an hour and a half drive from me so I was seriously contemplating getting the train up to her for the day. Until I realised my anxiety around trains and that huge, god damn, mother fucking gap, with five kids one of which in a buggy. I mean what if the buggy fell down it? What If one of the girls fell down it? What order was a supposed to get five kids off and lift them over it without one being snatched from the platform or running on the track? What if the doors shut before I could get all five off? What if the kids got restless on the train and we get kicked off? How was I supposed to take one to the toilet and watch the other four at the same time? The thought of it was stressing me out hugely so I gave up on the idea. I was talking to Chris late about it who then offered to drop me off, but said he couldn’t get us until Sunday as he had rugby and a night out with the lads planned after. I asked kas if there was a B and B nearby and by that point I was adamant I was going and the kids would have a lovely time as well as I would so this is how our weekend started. I invited myself to kasi’s, bearing in mind me and kasi have been Facebook friends for about a year and both admin for McParents so talk daily but have never actually met in person. 

So yeah we had decided I was going with all five kids. I felt I needed to check a million and twelve times that she was sure about me and my small army if disobedient terrors could invade her house, she insisted. Next thing I know , before I’ve been stepped foot out of bed chris is rounding the kids up and getting them dressed and they’re sleep over stuff ready. He had to be at rugby at 1pm so the three hour round trip had to be soon. By 9.15 just 45 minutes after these plans had been made we are piling the kids into the car. I’d like to say getting them ready was a simple task, but no the poor sods didn’t even have time to think about what we were doing because they were just getting request after request. “We are going on an adventure can you get dressed” “quick brush your hair” “who can get their toothbrush the quickest” we were met with the usual G couldn’t possibly leave anything behind so we ended up having a stand off trying to get her in the car. Which ended with me telling her I would buy her a treat if she just got in the car (while screaming in my head why the fuck won’t she do as she is asked and then telling myself off for being manipulated by a five year old) . 

So we are in the car on the way, we rushed out so quickly Me and chris have not eaten (the kids have) and I’m doing my make up in the car…. every women in the world has done this at some point don’t try to say you haven’t! B is dressed in the best accessories and actually looks amazing although miserable and completely non excited for our adventure. 

On our way my anxiety starts to creep in slightly. I’ve never met this person or her children, I’ve never been to this area, she is effectively a stranger to myself and my children. Chris re assures me he is with me and we will be fine I’ve spoken to this lady almost every day for as long as I can remember he ends it with plus you’ve got to get along as if you don’t like each other in person I’m not driving all the way back to get you (in a jokey way obviously) and it lightens the mood. We play old music all the way and are reminded by A that “I’ve not heard these songs you must be really old” … cheers kid , I’ve raised , fed, clothed you and you come out with shit like that! Lol. The car journey was pretty straight forward we were looking for motorbikes, sheep, cows and horses to keep the kids occupied until the smaller three fell asleep. 

So we arrive in westbury. Have you ever been to westbury? It’s like the middle of nowhere. It’s almost like we have traveled through miles and miles of countryside and someone has decided to plonk a town in the middle of it. I guess that’s what people think about where I live though to be fair. I have absolutely no idea where I am, but I’m here now it’s tough, no going back now. 

We arrive at kasi’s, wake the kids up and I go to investigate before we get them out of the car, just incase she’s secretly a dirty old man that’s been grooming me for the last fuck knows how long and only wants to see me so she can kidnap me (I wouldn’t blame her I am pretty fucking awesome) . I’m met with a hug and a massive smile (and she’s definitely not a dirty old man) I automatically relax a little.. phewwwww . Obviously that’s not to say she won’t kidnap us at some point in the next 24 hours but to be fair she’d give my kids back to chris within a couple of hours and is welcome to keep me until I’m rescued so I could have a nice break from the terrors and maybe a decent night sleep. We head back to the car and she says hi to chris and all the kids one by one, trying to figure out which ones which as they’re all tiny and very similar looking (bar the boy child obviously). R is so cute she puts out her hand and says I’m Rj pleased to meet you and shakes hands with kasi.  We head into the house, four of the kids very quiet and then we have R who runs straight into the house to investigate , she is running around like we’ve fed her five bags of skittles, up and down the stairs , past kasi’s kids not even paying attention to them but taking in everything and figuring out her way around ( I genuinely worry about this child and her lack of care about strange places and people). The others cling to me while chris says goodbye, I have the boy child in my arms , B clinging to one leg, G clinging to the other and A refusing to stand more than half a foot away from me. I’m trapped in a child net And being suffocated from lack of space and my own air. I say hello to kasi’s four children and her partner while trying to escape the children who have completely forgotten everything they know about personal space. After about half hour B spots the pool and runs off to investigate, then A figures out that F (kasi’s oldest) has a laptop and G stays close but lets go of my leg (good job I’m sure it was close to falling off). Realisation hits we have forgotten A’s glasses and so she can’t see properly (whoops) and Snuck hers in the car door (double whoops). Ah well they’re only glasses and who needs to be able to see properly anyway, not like we can pop home and get them haha. An hour or so passes and the kids are now all outside. Moaning because the pool isn’t completely full yet and children have no idea on waiting at all. So now me, kas and poor wayne (who was basically told a few hours ago we were coming) have 9 kids between us. Me and kas get on amazingly (bloody good job really because if we didn’t it could of been an awkward night and couple of days) and the kids are now playing. G as usual is doing her own thing, while B and D (kasi’s Youngest), A and F , and R and Ru (one of kasi’s boys) all group off and play. C (kasi’s other boy is doing his boy thing and not wanting to associate with the girls haha. Although all of them are in the garden playing in their groups keeping on still about the pool. 

Wayne heads to the shop and when he gets back he lets the kid access the pool, given the amount they’ve kept on you’d think they’d jump staright in… wrong they all push footed around it because it was cold and R even went as far as asking them to put some hot in haha. When they eventually get changed and start to get in A, F and C all getnin and play, RU and R start to get in and then change their minds , B says she wants to get in so I put her in , the scream she let off when she got in instantly informed us she didn’t mean it and now wants to be out . D is playing on the ladder and G is showing no signs of getting in at all and the boy child is still clinging to me. Me and kasi are amused at the fact they’ve kept on so badly and now are chickening out. The day goes on and D and B start argueing over who gets to stand on the ladder. We probably shouldn’t of it we look on wondering who’s going to win. Turns out they’re both strong willed buggers and end up both playing on it haha. 

Then I get parent of the fucking year award , I forgot the boy holds anti histamines and he is swelling from who knows what. I’m a twat I truly am. Luckily for me kasi has anti histamines so we give him some and eventually swelling starts coming down. Good job as we were seriously contemplating calling out of hours of it carried on. (This my friends is life with an allergy child) poor Ru also has allergies bless him hence why kasi has the meds we needed. 

Dinner time was interesting, we have a BBQ I have safe stuff for me and The boy child. The kids love it all outside with their food until the boy child goes out and kasi finds herself sweeping the concrete because of the cheese everywhere. In the end we find it safer to take the boy inside he is not amused by this but hey we had to keep him safe. As you can imagine by this time with nine kids running around we are mentally exhausted and so we crack open the prossecco (yes while the kids are up, judge away we needed that shit). We had a glass while the kids are playing and then get a text. “Knock knock” it’s Vicki and her other half with baby M . Vicki is another admin on mcparents again we’ve not met. So we are having like a giant stranger meeting. They stay for a bit and chat and we moan at her for not stopping to collect us wine. I think it’s the first time we’ve felt like adults yet been surrounded by kids in a long time. Vickis partner is throwing M in the air playing with him he’s giggling away (you know as dads do with their kids). Oh there’s my anxiety again my heart is in my throat even though it’s not that high and M is perfectly safe. Chris does this all the time and every time I want to kick him in the bollocks as hard as I can because it scares the shit out of me. Now obviously that’s completely unacceptable to do to someone I’ve just met especially given the fact he’s not doing anything wrong, it’s not dangerous and I’m massively over reacting. So instead I divert my attention to Vicki kasi and the prossecco I’m nursing like a newborn baby. So yeah we are chatting and having a laugh the kids all playing and it’s amazing. These people that I’ve been speaking to for as long as I can remember and only met in the last few hours are awesome and it’s like we’ve always been good friends. Then Vicki, Guy and M have to go. We say goodbye and We tell the kids that they can watch a film before bed this is the quietest they’ve been all day.

Then the most important part of the day…. bedtime. It’s got to be worked like a military operation. We decide that F and A should top and tail on the top bunk in the girls room, that B and G should top and tail on the bottom of the boys bunk bed , C and Ru should top and tail on the top bunk of the boys room, R and D should top and tail on the bottom bunk in the girls room and the boy child in the travel cot in the lounge with me . Seems like a good idea right ? Pahahahahah if anyone believes that shot worked they’re stupid .. just as me and kasi were when we thought it would be a good idea. 

It was not a good idea and we eventually stick the TVs on in both rooms. Where R, D, F and A all get on the top bunk and B and G the bottom and the boys in their room. The boys are quiet and settled the girls not so much. After an hour and a half of alternating going up and down to try settle them each time coming down and muttering  “fucking kids your turn” to each other we decide to move B into the boysbottom  bunk where she goes straight to sleep, and have R and G on the bottom in the girls room. D goes to bed with Wayne so she settles then is moved to the bed with B. So the boys fall asleep and two girls are settled. We put the boy child into bed and head to the garden for a much needed fresh glass of wine and a fag. When we get in he’s asleep so we have a little victory party because we’ve got five out of nine asleep and in our eyes that’s a win :). However we still have four very tired but very awake girls and now limited patience. So we go up turn the telly off and give them a lecture on sleep and how much they need it, did they listen? Hell no! They’re all too excited we give up and leave them to it. Knowing we are going to have some very tired small people the next day but we’ve run out of energy and don’t have enough wine to warrant all the calories we will burn running up and down the stairs. We head back to the garden we are chatting and learning a lot about each other and it’s lovely, the wine is also lovely , and the haribo. 11pm and finally its quiet everyone’s asleep and we’ve only actually had two glasses of wine each so that’s pretty good going. We have another glass or two and enjoy each others company under the stars . It’s like a blind date mum style . I can’t help but laugh watching kasi tirelessly blowing up an air bed like it’s a balloon , it takes her ages and is hilarious I would of offered to help but I was finding watching far more amusing. 1am we get to bed because.. well frankly once I start talking about stuff and I’ve had a few glasses of wine I generally don’t shut up until I pass out. 

4am …. yes four fucking am! We’ve had about three hours sleep and the boy child wakes demanding the milk makers so I put him on the air bed with me and feed him, the. I hear a cry from upstairs but can’t figure out what child it is it’s either B or D , Part of me wants to go help, the other , realistic part thinks it’s impossible if I leave the boy child he will scream, if I take him he will wake everyone … I’m stuck. It goes quiet. I think  thank fuck for that they’ve settled themselves back off. I was wrong ahah although they’d settled the morning came and kasi informed me both B and D woke and neither of us know which child woke the other. I felt terrible (for a couple seconds at least). The kids are hyper like they’ve had a really good nights sleep and we are exhausted walking mombies. The kids having breakfast is carnage, they’re all eating while the boy child is making his usual cereal carpet and I’m following him around trying to pick everything up until after about half hour I give up and decide I’ll do it when they’re done. They’re all running around and so so loud and me and kasi are playing along with them all smiles and giggles while wondering why the fuck we thought it’d be a good idea to have 9 kids in one house over night and Wayne is hiding upstairs Ive a feeling we’ve sent him over the edge. So we start a challenge “if you can all get dressed super fast we can go to the park” . Chris calls he’s on his way to get us so he’s now coming to the park with us. I get a few of mine dressed while A and R sort themselves out and kasi is chasing D around trying to get her sorted. B then arrives naked in the lounge like she’s lived here forever haha. I get her dressed me and kasi actually seriously contemplate a delivered full English, but we decide instead we will try tame this zoo of children and then I’ll go shop. A lot of muttered swear words, threats of no park and nakedness later. I head to the shop. Get bacon , eggs, haribo, and chocolates for kasi. I’ve made myself at home so I come back stick the oven on and start making breakfast the kids are all playing outside (thank fuck because they’re so fucking loud) and we eat and clean up. Chris arrives and I’m relieved the Velcro child wants him so my arms get a rest, until he wants boob again. So I feed him and he decides he wants to still feed but get off my lap. Kasi finds it highly amusing that he’s crawled off my lap nipple still in mouth and I’m bent on a c shape , with him attatched to my boob , stood up, trying to make sure he doesn’t rip my poor nipple off! I am not amused I don’t bend this way for a start haha. I would pop a picture here but kasi wasn’t quick enough haha.  Chris loads the car at this time cause it’s easier although I’m sure he’s thinking of a quick escape with the boy child. 

We round the kids up and by round them up I mean we shout right kids five minutes to get out the door or we aren’t going and head to the park. (I think we are all surprised they listen). I say goodbye and apologise to Wayne for the mayhem we’ve caused in his house this weekend, although I did offer to make him bacon and I’m sure he’s not human as he declined. Kasi said the park was just round the corner, kasi is a fucking liar! It seemed like forever walking with 9 feral kids, 7 running where they wanted , one in a wheelchair and one in the buggy. They were picking flowers , playing it, hiding behind trees, alternating stoping every three seconds . Finally we got to the park (I’m sure it’s like 2019 at this point). Then we realise we forgot the drinks Wayne made (wonderful parents aren’t we) so chris goes to the shop and the kids go play. This my friends is when I realised why the mums I hate, that use soft play as glorified baby sitters are actually really fucking clever. Me and kasi sit on a bench doing nothing .. that’s right nothing and the kids are all off playing , happy and getting along (proof right there miracles can happen) and it’s amazing, we can see them, they’re having fun, nobody is crying and we are relaxing. At this point I’ve completely forgotten I’ve got severe anxiety and am just happy, happy the kids are happy, happy I’m not shouting at them to be careful, happy I have let them have that little bit of independence and mostly happy I can relax while they play. 

We stay at the park for a good few hours and the kids have a great time . Before we leave we think it’s a good idea to try get a picture of all nine of the kids. It turns out We are fucking masters of good ideas that are actually shit ideas. If anyone’s wondering what it’s like to get a photo of nine kids in a park this about sums it up.

That’s right it’s fucking impossible, we even bribed them with ice cream and still couldn’t get a decent picture of them all looking and smiling. So we give up and head for the (what seems like a million and twelve miles) walk back. B decides she needs a wee and can’t possibly wait (fucking wonderful timing) the toilets are shut so we do the ever lady like thing is peeing in a bush. Then Her and D think it’s highly amusing to run around outside the park making me and kasi chase them until we eventually catch them. We get to the shop on the way back and the terror on chris face when he realises we were gunna take them all in to get ice cream is hilarious…. yes even if we didn’t get a picture of them all smiling and looking we got a picture of their individuality and personalities and that’s much more amazing than any other photo so they’re still getting ice cream. So he tells us to walk on and goes it alone into the shop (bastard why didn’t I offer to do that) we tame the beasts , well sort of poor kasi has to carry D while pushing Ru in the wheelchair because D is devestated we aren’t all going in the shop (fair point we did say we would) until we get back. Poor Wayne , poor , poor Wayne , is met again with a tribe of children he thought were going home in his house where he is trying to lay skirting. We stay for a short while then take a good half hour to say out goodbyes and head home. It’s an hour and a half drive home and within half hour more miracles happen. All five of my kids fall asleep in the car. I try to sleep but am sad we are leaving despite it being complete and utter mayhem and feeling like me or kasi could be sectioned at any given point we have had an amazing time and will miss Kasi, Wayne and the kids.  We have had an utterly amazing time and myself and the kids have made some amazing forger friends in complete strangers that live miles away. I had faced one of my biggest fears and come out the other side knowing I’m stronger than I think. Wether I could do it again with planning I’m not sure, but the fact I did it was a huge achievement and well worth it. The kids still five days later are asking when we can go back. 

So all that is left is to say a huge thankyou from the bottom of my heart to Kasi, Wayne and the kids for opening up their home and lives to us and for showing me there is more to the world than my little safety conscious bubble that I surround myself and my children in. You are amazing truly amazing. 

I hope you guys have enjoyed the read and if any of you suffer like I do I hope from this you get hope, you get strength and you realise even if it is spontaneous you can do anything if you want to enough. 
Until next time . 

Much love 

Kate 😘

R turns 6 the others turn into devils … 

So it’s R’s 6 birthday, this should be a joyous and wonderful occasion with minimal stress and lots of smiling… pffftttt who ever has convinced you of this is bullshitting. Children’s birthdays for parents are a bucket of stress, a teaspoon of parents tears, a pinch of harsh reality and A massive headache by the end of the day normally finished off with a glass of wine before 6pm. Admittedly there is some joy and pride in there but that comes after it’s all calmed down and you’ve time to think about it. 
Children don’t see this, especially mine they just see presents (normally ones they didn’t decide they wanted until the day before, so they don’t have and can make you feel guilty about for the next six months) and excitement that parents convincingly put on for the sake of the kids. 
So after frantically wrapping (with paper bought that day) and blowing up balloons the night before said birthday with Chris, as we are rather unorganised followed by a typical sleepless night. We are woken at 6.30am by a very excited R running into our room, closely followed by three other small girls and with a boy shouting at his stair gate. We paint a couple of really convincing smiles on some devastatingly exhausted faces and get the small boy child up to share the the excitement. 


We head into the lounge where R is shouting “look presents are they mine” an before we have chance to respond B replies “only if you share” .. I’ve got to admit I like her logic but also have to remind her it’s not her birthday, but she can help R by passing her presents to her. Before I’ve even finished my sentence the small boy child has run off with one of the presents. We get it back and R opens a couple of her presents and we agree the rest after everyone’s ready for school. 
So we go to get ready and A springs in us she’s got to dress as a crazy scientist! At 6.50am on the day she’s supposed to do it…. my initial thought is you’ve got to be fucking kidding me! Then all of a sudden out of my mouth slips “well you should of told us sooner, it’s tough now we don’t have time” . One of those sentences every parent wishes had stayed in thier heads. So now we have tears already, with refusal to dress and the obligatory “you’ve ruined my life” from the little ginger human, that currently has more horemones runnng around her body than blood cells. A quick message to a friend to check its true and then a google and I have a plan! I get sone felt pens and an old school shirt and make magic, in her eyes anyway and earn major mum points. (Although looking at her face in the pictures you wouldn’t think it) 


So R opens the rest of her presents and Chris heads to work. This morning met with more challenges than normal, because now there’s a bunch of new stuff in the house that can’t possibly be left. Ten minutes of battling with a now six year old that wants to take all of her presents to school, while also battling with a five year old that wants to take five balloons, a four year old that is telling everyone they can’t and pissing them off even more, a not even two year old attatched to my milk makers refusing to let go to get in the buggy, and an eight year old on repeat saying “mum am I the only one being good” over and over again. We settle on a balloon each to take and R can take one toy and I hand the boy a bag of apple fruit wigglies to distract him from feeding for long enough to at least get him in the buggy and I reassure and thank A for being so good. The walk to school I use the word walk loosely . It more resembles a stampede of children (with me muttering under my breath for god sake why won’t they just listen and walk nicely) that are all darting of in different directions or stopping to look at the crack in the pavement or in B’s case to collect snails.
 I get the three bigger ones into breakfast club and head home. I get B and the boy child their breakfast and clean up the carnage the kids have left without a care in the world (a mix of dirty clothes , toys, hair brushes and wrapping paper). We play for a while after breakfast and at 10.15am go to get R from school for her apt to collect her new glasses half hour earlier than I actually needed to. We then get a taxi from school to town where we go to gregs for a birthday treat before the apt. R and B chose cake while the poor boy was allergic to everything he dried mango pieces (as you can see below he is not impressed). The looks I got from some of the people in there for daring to give my kids cake before midday were pretty impressive to say the least. Just putting it out there, you judgmental people can think what you like they’re my children so keep your noses out! 

Now the fun starts… 
We get into specsavers (sorry to all the staff there), we sit down to wait and B finds a computer and starts playing with all the buttons . I move her away and explain we can’t do that, the boy child is moody because he’s missed his nap, but I know full well that if I take him out if his car seat there is no way in hell I will get him back in. R is making small talk with everyone encouraging them to wish her happy birthday. B goes back to the computer I must of removed her from it 6 times and by the last time inside I feel myself bubbling. I manage to scream in my head and calm myself down. Then we are called… phewww. R is trying on her glasses and B has found another play thing, a mirror and is licking it, fucking licking a mirror! I’m apologising over and over while trying to get her to listen to me (I failed at that just incase you wondered). We go to leave an she grabs loads of glasses off the shelf (this child is testing me beyond belief right now) , I put them back and calmly explain we can’t do that while in my mind screaming about how embarrassed I am and why the fuck this kid doesn’t listen to me, and march her out of the door using her full name (including middle name) and now she knows she is in trouble, so behaves for a short while we drop R back at school and go home. 
I am now battling with an over tired boy child and it takes me around 40 minutes to get him to sleep. I go down and doing the good mum thing I hand B the old iPhone and she goes to lay in my bed . I lock the door and go to join her we are both shattered and I’m looking forward to the awesome power nap we are about to have. Don’t ever look forward to anything for yourself as an adult!! 
The fucking door goes it’s the kitchen designer that I had told not to come until after 3.30 . If I wasn’t moody enough after the stress of the eye apt I certainly am now! I spend an hour entertaining then before they wake the boy child (that I had told them was in bed) up on their way out! So my mood gets worse. I get him up and paint on my best happy mum face . Then my mum walks in (thank the lord) I am now relieved I don’t have to take B And the boy child on the school run. He’s moody, I’m moody and she’s turned into some sort of possessed devil child more so than normal. 
School run time R took sweets in and is so good handed them out to all of her friends and is now handing them To all of the teachers she passes making sure she saves enough for her siblings and her two friends that are coming over one of which I collected from school with her. However the fact she has sweets has set G off as she doesn’t understand why she can’t have her packet until after dinner and why she wasn’t aloud to take any to school. She’s crying and yelling at me all the way home. While A is still reminding me of how well behaved she is being and was this morning (give her her due she has been amazing) 
We get home and R is excited to be showing her friend around the house like she’s never visited before. She opens her presents from my mum , Chris mums turns up as does R’s other friend and the kids play bar G who makes a den in my room and hides because there are too many people over.

All of a sudden I hear a scream from upstairs and A comes running down crying “mum B three loads of toys at my head” the kids on a power trip I think some days. So I bring B down and talk to her Asking her if she feels she should apologise (haha wishful thinking) instead she does the floor drop! Brilliant just what we wanted today she’s screaming and shouting rolling around the floor Luckily the kids aren’t phased and continue to play while I cuddle A and wait for B to calm down. R opens her presents from nanny. 

Then comes cake .. miraculously B stops and apologises before asking for her cake. The excitement R has when she sees cake is amazing. 

Her friends head home and we put G and B to bed closely followed by attatching the small boy to the milk makersand taking him to bed . He’s over tired so it takes forever to get him to sleep. R’s turn For bed was interesting. Bargaining with her about how many toys she could take as she can’t fit them all and herself on the bed. She settles on two after about 15 minutes of arguing with me about it. A takes herself off shortly after bless her. It’s now 8pm and I have a fruit cider and can relax until the bedtime wakings start at 9.10pn 

So yeah birthdays are fun for the kids and stress for the parents. The whirl wind of emotions is incredible . 
My babies growing up 
Look at how she grown in personality and size 
I made her the child she is today 
Where has the time gone 
I’m going to miss this 
I’ve got a headache 
Pass me the wine 
Are All things I tell myself regularly 
, Are thet worth the stress, 100 % 
Always remember the good things, positivity will get you through.

Just remember when the stress is over, sit back and think about the day picking out the most amazing bits.  It’s a lot easier To find the negatives than the positives in life And until you do you’ll live in A big bubble of stress. Cherie the stressful , joyful and tearful moments for they are the moments you won’t get back when your child is all grow up.  

I will be back tomorrow to catch up on the rest of the week. 
Hope you have a loveky evening 🙂 
Kate 😘