Having a c section doesn’t mean you failed at birth, being a women or your body’s broken

Today is R’s 6th birthday. Now I’ve not really spoken about my kids and their births as such so I may as well give you hers now. I had a beautiful water birth planned with only gas and air through out my pregnancy. However My waters had been leaking for weeks and at 34 weeks the little bugger dicides to shit in me. She clearly didn’t get the memo that, that shit is dangerous! So I was in hospital and put on a hormone drip, my friend Lizz was there claiming she felt sorry for me while snapping up photos that every year get posted to my Facebook. These two bastard ones being the most glamorous. 
Now for those of you that don’t know labour fucking hurts, every couple of minutes you feel like suddenly your skin and muscles are too fucking small for your body and every organ around the baby is trying to escape with the baby. If you’re anything like me and swear a lot anyway it makes for some very colourful language and sentences such as “just get this fucking baby out” , “I can’t do this shit” , “shut the fuck up, don’t tell me to fucking breath that’s not gunna help this shit” , “just give me the fucking drugs” you get the gist! However between contractions it was things like this.. “oh my god I can’t wait to meet her” , “please bring me food”, “thankyou Lizz For being here I love you lots” , and a load of jumbled entinox induced sentences that don’t make any sense. (Entinox by the way good stuff) even if it does make you sound a little like a darlic.. 16 hours … yes 16 painful god damn hours I was contracting every three minutes. Then the dr came in, “your babies getting stressed her heart rate is dipping dangerously low with each contraction we need to deliver now by emergency c section” … Are you fucking kidding me , I’ve gone through all this and now I’ve got to be sliced open like a fucking ravioli parcel?! (Did I mention I had a previous emergency section so I was trying a vbac) obviously my baby comes first so I agree. While feeling like I’d failed. It was awful knowing my body couldn’t get my baby out the way, nature intended and in turn it had stressed her. So they explain the proceedure (like I don’t already know). To be fair the first time I was too out of it to really know what was going on. The spinal … it doesn’t hurt they said …. bollocks that shit stings like a bitch and then as you start going numb you feel like your shitting yourself in their bed sat up naked waiting for them to move you before you fall. Warmth spreads from your feet to your chest and bam you’re numb. They lay you on the bed and it’s the weirdest feeling ever , you can feel people touching you, but you can’t at the same time. They use this awful cold spray (which is fine on the bits you can’t feel) to measure how far up and how numb you are. They then put a big blue sheet up just below your chest so you can’t see what’s going on.  Then they start cutting you and you may be numb from pain but the pushing , pulling, tugging you can feel all that shit. It feels like what I can only imagine it would feel like if someone was washing up in your stomach. Infact at one point I think I told R’s dad that it felt that way while on the table. The room is so bright it’s unreal, your looking around there is at least ten people in the room, anaesthetists , surgeons, nicu drs, maternity drs , midwives and I allowed a student in. Now I’m completely get some people don’t want students in, but I have had students at all my births because they need to learn and need willing mums to allow them to. All the students I’ve had in have been the Ones taking photos And helping to reassure me. While you’re laying their panicking the surgeons are casually talking about their next holiday! At the time I was fuming at them, felt they weren’t taking the situation seriously, but truth is everyone walks into surgery nervous even the professionals they’re just trying not to think about it. Mine and my babies lives were in these people’s hands that’s a pretty fucking big responsibility ! 

The moment came a massive tug, and I waited for what seemed like an hour but was only probably a couple of minutes …. no crying , why the fuck isn’t my baby crying, I know she’s out, they know she’s out, everyone knows babies cry when they come out, so why hell isnt mine! I hear the rustling of feet rushing to get her and pop her on the hot cot to be bagged (for those that don’t know bagging is another term for cpr)  then there it is… a squeak followed by a cry, the big blue sheet covering the open stomach and all my insides drops and over it pops a tiny baby with a dr shouting “quick look mum” , I cry , her dad crys then she’s taken again to be given some oxygen. They level her out wrap her in a towel and hand her to her dad. She then gets put on me until as I am still numb I feel I may drop her and she’s taken off to nicu. While I’m laid there being stitched up feeling everything they’re doing minus the pain (thank fuck) .

 I get taken round to recovery this is when it hits, they’ve taken my baby and I don’t know what they’re doing with her. I can hear other babies crying have nurses popping in every couple of minutes to do obs, I’m exhausted but can’t sleep. I got taken to a ward full of mums and babies where I express and sleep. They bought me a picture of her to keep by my side. The next day she is bought to me and we stay together for six days until we go home. 

After a c section you’re pretty much good for nothing. Don’t lift anything heavier than your baby .. Ha who ever suggested that clearly hasn’t had a c section with a toddler at home, you cough and it feels like your stitches are going to split , you stand up it hurts, sit down it hurts, you really can’t win. Now I’ve never experienced a vaginal birth so can’t comment. What I can say is this blog doesn’t say it’s harder to have a c section than a vaginal birth. I for sure think I’d rather stitches in my stomach than in my lady clam. I can’t imagine the sting when you try to pee after vaginally vommiting a baby out of something the size of a blueberry. I feel for you ladies massively. 

For about 18 months I beat myself up about how I didn’t do good enough, how my own body had failed me. It was awful I cried myself to sleep at night. I grieved the birth I’d never had. 

Then something clicked .. 

Did having a c section affect my child? No. 

Did having a c section make me a lesser parent? No.

Was it worth beating myself up over? No. 

Is my baby here and well? Yes. 

Should I be greatful that medical science has evolved and grown over the years to enable the medical professionals to of delivered my daughter safely? Yes. 

Babies are born in all sorts of weird and wonderful ways. Some in water, some by c section, some unassisted, some drug free, some at home, some in hospital, some with every drug imaginable, some in cars, some with forceps, some in toilets and more .. but guess what none of that affects the way you chose to parent your child, none of it means you have failed even if it didn’t go how you had planned, none of it determines your status in the mum society. All it means is you birthed a beautiful baby and you’re a very lucky and wonderful mum. So If you’re beating yourself up about how it went, for asking for more drugs when your birth plan says no drugs, because you needed stitches in your lady clam because they had to cut you or your stomach from a c section, because you laid on your back rather than stood. For any god damn reason at all during your birth…..STOP. Yes you may grieve the birth you wanted, but you did it .. you birthed a beautiful child.. and that makes you incredible! 

So I applaud each and every one of you ans you should applaud yourself too! 

On another note this totally started out in my head as me telling a quick birth story then going on to the rest of R’s day. Instead I started writing and couldn’t stop as I felt this needed its own blog. 

Much love 

Until next time 


My working weekend


So as you may of read in yesterday’s blog I woke up with the small boy child pulling the covers off of me and pulling my foot to get me up. As cute as it was I was holding back calling Chris so I could dose back off. The mum in me got up and Went downstairs where Chris was with A and B, gave the boy child his breakfast and I snuck off for a poo. Every bit of me was having to fight curling up in one of the girls beds and going back to sleep. I got washed and dressed and changed the boy then sat on the sofa unable to move. My friend turned up to collect me as we are going to the piercing shop. I need my tongue redone as it’s healed over and she a new piercing. 

We get to the shop and I explain I’ve had my bar out for five years and can’t get it back in so he takes a look whacks a pin type thing through it and looks at me like I’ve got two heads. “It’s still pierced go next door get a bar and I’ll fit it for you” only I could be that dosey as to not realise, I was just putting the bar at the wrong angle 🙄😂. So I head next door get a new bar and bump into another friend have a chat for a while and head back where I watch Sally get her piercing and then sit in the chair myself feeling like an absolute twat while the guy shoves a bar back into my tongue. Plus side is it saved me £25 we don’t have. She drops me home and we get the kids ready. 

When we saw my nan last week she was raving about the meat man at the market, so we went to pay him a visit. She was right we got so much meat for £45 it’ll feed all seven of us for a couple of weeks. While there we have a look around and the kids buy some dried fruit to walk around with. I then spot a home made preserve stall and automatically home in on the lemon curd (that shits amazing). I state “oh my god we need this I’ve not had any since I was young” and all I hear is “oh right because you’re old as hell aren’t you” I look up to see a greying, older man and automatically realise this is one of those … mouth engaged before brain moments. I apologise and buy my lemon curd knowing full well I’ve accidently insulted the poor guy (sorry again lemon curd dude). We walk around looking at stuff all of a sudden I see shiney , breakable, stuff directly in front of us . The kind of stuff you can’t have when you’ve got kids, but know would look amazing in the cabinet in the lounge. So I redirect the kids before we have to pay for the entire stands worth of stock. Stupidly didn’t pay attention to where I redirected them to, now we are stood staring at toys to save any arguements or public floor drops we buy B some bubbles on the condition she shares (haha she won’t actually share she will however agree just to get them) , we get a couple things for R for her birthday on Tuesday and we head out, after having to retrieve the boy child from the cupboard he’s gotten stuck in. 

We get the kids in the car using bribery that we will get chippy on the way home. The drive home is long and the entire time we have an over tired boy child screaming, it’s a lovely noise honest! We try everything to soothe him, but nothing works and so jump into; just get the fuck home mode. 

Stopping at the chippy, the boy still screaming, B now crying she wanted to get out with daddy and A singing the wrong words to the radio. Chris is in the chippy forever, all he’s getting so a couple portions of chips when he gets back I bark at him “how the hell does it take that long to get some pissing chips” he then tells me they make to order, they don’t have them ready to serve (what sort of fucking chippy does that). We shan’t be going back there although it’s great they’re fresh it was meant to be quick! 

We get home, B has been fine since daddy got back in the car and the boy child is still screaming so much I’m now thinking the pulsating veins on his head may pop at any point. I pick him out of his car seat and it’s like a switch has just been pressed.. he just stops instantly. I take him up to bed as he’s clearly extremely over tired, feed him and lay with him then this happens … 

This is possibly the cutest thing I’ve seen he sits and feeds his baby. He loves dolls and although has a massive mixture of toys this and another doll are his favourite. We were in smyths one day and he picked one up and wouldn’t let it go, so we got it for him. Every night since she’s taken it to bed with him and slept cuddling it, he also takes it to nursery and for naps. Afte half hour of feeding, patting and trying to convince him to sleep, I give up and we go join Chris and the girls in the garden. 

We ply for an hour before heading in for tea. Chris cooks the steaks we got from the market and some chips (yup that’s right chips for lunch and dinner today) . I’m starving and looking forward to my steak so much. It’s dished up and the kids enjoy it too. The boy child has decided he wants to sit at the table with the girls. So we help him up in the hope he might actually eat something, (haha I don’t know why I thought it would work) he just pushes his bowl around and plays with it as usual . 

It’s a relatively straight forward bedtime the kids are exhausted so B goes down simply and the boy child only has minimal resistance until I go to leave his room when he kicks off, so I lay with him and stealth mum out when he’s asleep. A heads to bed without being asked for the first time like ever! 

Me and Chris chill , by that I mean he falls asleep and I spend my night in admin chat for The Mcparents Page before a very important Skype call with a lovely lady about being in with the chance to be entered into a mums club with a Lovely lady that helps look at the reasons children don’t sleep and how to help them sleep in a gentle way.

 This really interests me as you’ve probably read if you’ve seen my previous blogs. Sleep is a rarity in this house and is very much affecting me , Chris and the kids. The call is great we talk about the kids, their births and what the club involves. I am exstatic because it doesn’t involve the usual crap health visitors, Gp’s and other sleep “experts” suggest such as; crying it out, controlled crying and stopping breastfeeding. I’m not up for stressing my children out no matter how tired I am. I have tried most “gentle” ways to help them sleep and even then they don’t seem that gentle. I’m really hoping I get a chance to be involved in this, firstly because we all need sleep before we all burn out and secondly because it give me something else to blog about and a recommendation point for friends if it works. During the call B wakes up right on que so I go and sort her and she settles really quickly,  I then finish my call. I go back to my admin chat where I eventually fall asleep I’m sure mid sentence (sorry ladies). 

1am and the boy child is awake I head up and feed him I’m so tired and have work at 7.45am so don’t even bother attempting to leave him . 3am B wakes again and so I go to sort her by the time I’m back he’s awake again I latch him and fall asleep, (probably around 4) both boobs out still feeding. 5am I wake to him pulling my top down as it had slid back up while we slept , I feed him and am so tired I go downstairs at 5.45 and wake chris, who takes over with him so I can claim at least an hour before work. It’s the most amazing hour ever I can tell you that. 


I wasn’t going to blog about today because in all honesty it was a pretty simple and straight forward morning. Chris sorted the kids while I got ready for work they then dropped me off for my 12 hour shift. I felt so poorly and tired I had no motivation, but me and the team I was working with had a great day. I got home and that’s when I decided to blog about today. 

I got home and Chris has all five kids bathed and  in bed, me a cider poured, a dinner cooking for me, the house cleaned and washing done . He’s so good to me bless him. So I sit and eat my dinner while sipping my drink and chatting about our days . I feel sadness as he tells me how much fun he the kids and his mum have had. Shopping , then the park , then the garden and a lovely dinner . I feel sad because I’ve missed an amazing day, but at the same time so pleased they’ve all had a lovely day. 

He then tells me I’ve got presents , my first thought is, I’m going to kill him we haven’t got money to be spending buying me presents In all honesty. He tells me to go get them from the kitchen and I feel this over whelming rush of gratitude. We couldn’t afford for the kids to buy me anything for Mother’s Day, which I was fine with and besides they all made my cards themselves mad put a lot of thought and effort into their masterpieces. I find two packages on the side both labelled like this. 

Chris’ mum bless her is amazing. She didn’t realise until we saw her Sunday that we couldn’t afford for the kids to get me anything and so bought the most beautiful gifts for me from them. I’m so surprised and greatful she’s an amazing lady and we are very lucky to have her. (Thankyou so much again Julie I love them ) xx 

I know a lot of people who have “evil mother in laws” I am pretty sure I got the best mother in law out there. 

Chris heads to bed and puts a film on as he’s shattered and I get my breastpump and join him (romantic hey) . By the time I’ve got the breastpump set up and comfy he’s asleep bless him. I express and start writing this. As I’m coming to the end I realise tomorrow the kids start new, longer hours at nursery tomorrow as I go from part time to full time hours next week. This saddens me, 30 hours a week they’ll be in nursery, but at the same time I love my job and the more hours I do , the more I get paid and the more orgtession options open up. So in the long run it’ll be worth it for all of us. 

It’s now 22.30 and so far we’ve only had two wakings one from B and one from G. I’ve got to be up earlier in the morning as the kids have school at 7.45 and B and the boy child won’t be able to do school run in pjs because they’ve nursery at 8am. So I should probably go and try get some sleep while the kids are sleeping. 

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading . 

Until next time 

Kate 😘

Having five kids is hard 

So Monday night I got left to no sleep as per usual . 


Tuesday was interesting and mega busy more so than usual. We got up and as usual had the getting dressed battle with the kids. I’ve got the boy child attatched to my tit while trying to brush and put up R’s hair and as you can imagine with her squirming around moaning it hurts. A is being rather helpful gets dressed and lacks the lunch bags, B is for once dressed and not doing school run in her pjs , the boy child however is doing school run in his pjs because he’s not letting go of my tit for love nor money this morning. I do the other girls hairs whilst still feeding the small boobie obsessed boy. Once they’re done I take him off and attempt to put him in the buggy , he is screaming and thrashing around because obviously, Now he’s not attatched to me my milk is going to instantaneously dry up and he will be starved forever more. I have to use the good old fashioned knee to hold the baby in while I do his straps up (you reading this thinking thank fuck I’m not alone don’t worry there are plenty more of us that use the knee technique). Right so he’s in the buggy kids have shoes on and coats as capes that I can’t be arsed to argue about , go to leave the door …. boom the floor drop 🙄😩 from G , for absolutely no visible reason .. fucking wonderful, just what I need at 7.40am. So I try to talk to her “what’s the matter baby, how can mummy help you” she stares screaming at me blankly .. again “sweetheart I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s wrong” and with that off fly her shoes .. a-fucking-mazing!!!! I can’t deal with this, this morning! So I explain calmly we should sort out what’s the matter and get to school so she can have breakfast and then play with her friends , now she’s thrashing around the floor like a washed up dolphin ! I give her a couple of minutes to calm down , over her a cuddle, ask her again calmly what’s wrong and she continues to scream and thrash around. In my mind I’m screaming what the fuck is wrong , just god damn talk to me , how I manage to keep that in I do not know, but I do . In the end I pop the buggy outside and ask A if she minds pushing her brother she’s pleased to have a big girls job and so does, I swoop G up and her shoes and carry her kicking me , punching me and crying still with no explanation! She starts calming down on the way to school in the mean time I’m starting to feel like her own personal stress ball. I am repeating “come on sweetheart talk to me so o can help” and she is still not talking at all. We get to school and she’s stopped beating the crap out of me and is now crying that dull , annoying moan that kids do. Given I’m still none the wiser as to what the hell has triggered this I say to her “last chance to talk to me before school if you don’t want to tell me now that’s fine we will talk about it after school” again my mind is screaming much less calm things. She still says nothing (why the hell do kids think because you’re a mum you’re a god damn mind reader). 

So I pop her down on the floor in the hall at school and hand her, her shoes. I give the girls all a kiss and cuddle (bar G who shouts no when I ask her if she wants one). Now I am desperately trying to ignore the member of staff that is looking down her nose at me in disgust and like I’ve just bought her to school in filthy clothes, unwashed and smeared in some sort of stinking oil. I know what she’s thinking , she’s thinking .. look at her five kids and she can’t cope, can’t even get her daughter to school with shoes on and if she isn’t thinking that she sure as hell came across like it! Well Mrs perfect, just so you know this is how my morning went and if you’d of taken the time to ask if everything was ok, rather than bark at me “you can’t leave her here with no shoes on” (because clearly a clean school hall floor is unsafe for feet) and then argue with me over wether I had to stay until she had them on or she should be allowed to calm down and put them on in her own time, then I would of told you the events prior to arriving, but you didn’t so who the hell are you to look at me like that? And for the record the way you acted was innapropriate and could of well escalated things again. Another teacher says to G, “come on calm down and get your shoes on so you can go have breakfast” and finally she starts to put her shoes on and I head home with the smaller two. 

I give them breakfast this morning we are having pancakes because I sure as hell cant be dealing with having to clean up a coco pop or any other cereal for that matter carpet. The kids sit and eat while i clean up and then get a peaceful poo (yes you bloody heard that right a peaceful poo feel free to celebrate for me). I get downstairs and quickly realise why it’s not a good idea I ever leave the kids even if it is just for a poo , the boy is happily eating skips that B has used a step to reach from the kitchen ,  that’s not to bad though right? Wrong it’s terrible he’s allergic to tomato his reactions with tomato are a contact rash and tummy upset so could be worse. I say to her “B darling good sharing but you know not to share with your brother he could get really poorly” having to remind myself she’s only four and she was being kind it’s not worth going mad at her for, even if we have told her a thousand and ten times not to give him anything. She apologised, well she said “but he likes them mummy” I’m taking that as an apology right now because I fear I will bite her head off if I don’t.  I give him some piriton and pray.  I then get the boy child dressed and now he’s signing for the milk makers (little sod is 19 months won’t say a word but will sign for milk) , I put the telly on for B and take him up to bed I feed him while he paws at my milk machines until he falls asleep and I go into stealth mode out of the room. I get downstairs and B is happily watching peppa (anyone else hate that obnoxious, rude fucking pig) . I pack his bag, sort some washing out and throw a few wine gums down my neck (nice, nutritious breakfast). 

A friend turns up to watch B , I call a taxi and get the small boy up as he has a blood test. He’s in a foul mood as he hates being woken so this is gunna be a fun trip. To top it off it’s thirty pound , yes thirty pound one way for a fifteen minute apt.. unfortunately my anxiety doesn’t permit me to get a train or bus far with the kids I just can’t do it. On the way I click the hospital is by my mums I’d like to see her plus it would be cheaper to see if she is free to take me home. Thankfully she agrees and saves me another thirty pound to get home.

I normally feed the boy child during his bloods as normally this keeps him settled and is a relatively smooth process. Turns out not so much when they get a bit older, firstly the sod was to busy coming off to see what they where doing , so they gave him an iPad with fireworks going off on it , then when he finally focussed on the fireworks  the needle went in and wow did he cry and he’s a lot stronger than the last time. It took three of us to keep him still enough and get his bloods. I wanted to cry for him. Once it was over I fed him and I’m sure he was trying to pay me back for the bloods when his teeth clamped down and I genuinely felt like throwing him off, it hurt so much. I go to head to my mums and he spots a blanket he wants at the hospital shop so I get it for him for being brave. Get to my mums and chill there for half hour before she brings us home. 

It’s now 1pm. I give B her sweets for being good for my friend then feed and put the small boy to bed. I go to make some food and realise it’s bloody 1.45 I’ve got to go get R from school for her eye check up . (And people ask how I stay so skinny haha). I get a taxi again to the eye hospital (This ones closer and a lot cheaper to get to mind). Her eye test takes what seems like forever she keeps moving and picking up things she shouldn’t and I can see the optician slowly getting frustrated. I tell R to behave and we will get a nice treat as soon as we are out. Eventually she’s done. I got told her glasses would improve her general sight, but nope her vision has deteriorated. She’s happy she gets to pick new glasses , I’m pissed off we’ve now got to go to spec savers to do so before we can go home. I obviously don’t tell her that. So we head to spec savers and I’ve got to say it was the easiest trip ever she wanted toy story they didn’t have any and she chose two pairs of moana I think it’s called? Who knows some new film or something. She gets measured up we chat to the lady for a little while and head home. 

I get home and B and the boy child are playing I look at the time and fuck I’ve got an hour and ten minutes before I have to go to work. My hair is greasier than the kebabs I used to get after night out before I had kids (and occasionally since to be honest), I’ve got to make dinner, get ready for work and the other two are on their way home from my friends house as she collected them from school for me. So I whack some mince and pasta on , run and wash my hair so quickly It’s probably going to look just as bad as it did before I washed it, the girls get home and I am finishing dinner with a towel wrapped around my head. Have a little chat with Carla and feel really rude because I’m doing dinner at the same time. Whack a jar of bolognese sauce in the mince because I sure as hell don’t have time to make it from scratch. Dish dinner up , brush my hair while eating mine and the small boy child is throwing his around the room. Chris walks in inhales his dinner, I then get dressed for work and give the kids their five minute warning for having to leave and watch them eat quicker than I’ve ever seen them eat poor sods. Then the boy child decides to start signing milk at me so Chris starts outtingvthe kids in the car and I feed him. Once he’s done me and him jump in the car and Chris drops me off at work. I get to work and breath a massive sigh of relief as much as I love my Children I am utterly exhausted and this is a welcome break. 

I get home at midnight, start expressing and as if by magic G wakes I go up and try to settle her , she’s crying but won’t tell me why (again I’m expected to be a mind reader) I run through everything I can imagine , are you hot, cold, want a drink, need a wee, want a cuddle, nope she just stares at me and falls back to sleep…Cheers kid. I get into bed at 12.30 and the boy child wakes at 1.30.. wonderful! So I head up and feed him I then wake at 4 I’ve no idea what time I even fell asleep.  I head down to bed and get my head down 5.30 he wakes up and chris informs me I’ve slept through B and G waking a couple of times (whoops). I feed him and Chris goes to settle him while I go back to sleep until he wakes me at 7.10am. 


Chris has been so good bless him he’s got the girls dressed , bar socks and jumpers , sorted the lunch bags and made me a cup of fruit tea (mornings like this I wish I drank coffee) and then he heads to work. I get the Socks and jumpers sorted brush the girls hairs which is always fun while a small boy is hanging off of my boob. This morning R is on form with the whole crying when her hairs not even knotty, G has tried to do it herself and so has tangled her hair up and B is point blank refusing. Eventually we are done and it’s time to go . After yesterday’s ordeal I’ve bribed the boy child into the buggy with a pancake and mentally prepared myself for G who yes was resistant about going to school but a lot better than Tuesday. I get them to school, get home, get a casserole in the slow cooker while my kids are throwing their breakfast around my lounge. Today it’s Frosties all over the floor, I guess it’s nice to change things up a bit. I rush to get the baby dressed and B’s hair sorted and back out the door. No time for my breakfast, morning poo or to clean up. So I get the boy in the buggy relatively easily this time, get B’s shoes and coat on her (this morning I can’t be arsed with the argument so I just do it for her) and head to nursery with them. When I get there B runs off and the boy demands the milk makers again. So I sit in the nursery and feed him I look over and B is sat at a table eating her third breakfast after claiming I didn’t give her any little madam! I head to my course. 

I go straight from my course to pick the kids up and open up the breastfeeding group I volunteer at. I then head home, B decides as we walk past a house with lots of tiff outside advertising it for free she wants two giant teddies I try to outbher off and say we can’t just take them, but the lady comes out and gives them to her. So we struggle with her carrying these massive bloody beats all the way home .. 

Finally getting back at 2.20. I realise I’ve not eaten so throw on some eggs and toast while cleaning up a dirty nappy, clothes, Frosties and toys in the lounge . I eat and head to collect the kids! Are you exhausted yet? I certainly am! 

The kids are on form all tired and argueing and fighting so I stop and rather than telling them off or making them apologise I put myself in time out. Yes that’s right I sat on that step because there, I know they will not disturb me for at least two minutes. When I come out of time out I put the telly on for R and G and B and A go and play upstairs. I then feed the small boy child and he goes off to play while I peel and mash potatoes for dinner. I call the kids for dinner and they come and collect it one by one like you would in the que for school dinners, only difference is there are no choices today you get what’s being served and that’s that. They go sit down to eat and chris walks in all we hear is a massive bang and A crying. Chris goes to investigate and is met with a smashed bowl and beef casserole all over the floor he asks her what happens and tells her not to cry it’s only a bowl and this my friends is amazing , an ant .. yes a bloody ant made her jump! He cleans it up and I dish her up some more food. Dinner time is going well until R realised I’ve hidden veg in her dinner and then tried to refuse to eat it (bearing in mind she’s eaten half before realising) . Eventually she agrees she did like it before she spotted the pee and carries on. 

Bedtime is much like normal we are met with G finding excuses not to sleep and R demanding she stays up to watch telly. Chris sorts B and G while I sort R and the boy child and A smugly turns the telly over as now she’s got control of the buttons .we eventually get them all settled come down and send A up 15 minutes later. The night carries on much like the last few you’ve read about. 


Being a working mum of five children sometimes you lose days and yes Thursday is the day I’ve lost this week. It’s completely gone from my brain so not much to write about that really! 


Always a fun day I have to be at work at 7.45 and so the kids tend to play up even more. Me and Chris get them sorted eventually and he drops me off at work and then them at school and nursery . I woke all day a Fridays so it’s pretty non interesting after that. Until I get home at 8.30pm and within minutes of being in The boy wakes , Chris is asleep on the sofa and I head up to sort the boy out. He settles and I express an head to bed. R and G are at their dads by the time I get home. Chris deals with B over night and I wake around 1 to the boy and end up thinking fuck it and just lay with him. He falls asleep and I come back to bed , 3.30 he wakes again I go to feed and settle him, I woke up at 5.30 and he had helped him self to the milk makers. He falls back to sleep around 6 and I must of fallen asleep too as I woke up at 7.10 to him pulling the blanket off me (which btw is a tiny baby blanket) and he’s pulling me feet. I’m guessing he wants to get up. 

Its now 23.00 on Saturday night, I’m so exhausted I am falling asleep and have work at 7.45am. So I shall try to write again tomorrow about today as it was a pretty good day, but right now I just haven’t got the energy. So I hope you have enjoyed your read and goodnight . 

Much love 

Kate 😘

Side note feel free to correct any grammatical , spelling or auto correct errors I’m too tired to proof read this. 

Busy weekend 

Sooooo , I’ve not been around as I’m sure the small humans I birthed have been trying to kill me mentally..Fun times . 

So Thursday night they didn’t sleep as fecking usual. Me and chris alternated being up with three of them. The worst being A who to begin with decided she was too big to go to bed at a reasonable time! So as any good parent would I started giving her choices .. in the end the stubborn mate lost her phone for a week, magazines over the weekend and treats until Monday. Eventually I had enough and me and chris went to bed at 8.30pm and turned all the lights off and left her in the lounge until she finally came in about twenty minutes later and said “I’m bored I’m going to bed now” wahhoo 1-0 to me and a pretty good parenting win if you ask me! 

Friday We got up and battled like hell with some extremely tired little monkies to get ready for school and nursery. He was dressing the baby while I was yelling for god sake just put your bloody shoes on to the girls at the same time as dressing myself for work. I was ready (ish) and the girls still weren’t so then came the “right that’s it, shoes on now or you’re going without them” , A took from that stomp up the stairs like an awful teenager, R took from it scream at the top of your voice until she changes her mind, G took from it beg and beg for someone (who clearly doesn’t have time for this shit today) to do it for you as you can’t possibly do it yourself, while B happily put hers on the wrong feet and would not change them. So while trying to brush my hair I start trying to help G, while yelling two the other two 3…2…. oh there they are putting their shoes on .. phew close call kids close call! Getting them in the car is a battle I really am not up for reliving right now, but it involved a lot of choices between getting in and frankly mummy loosing her shit and shouting, because at this point I’m gunna be late for work if they carry on much longer. We get them in the car and chris drops me at work., then drops the older girls at school and the younger two at nursery before the poor sod heads to work himself. 

On my break I text my friend that’s picked them up from school to see how they are , as usual they’re argueing and fighting and some how she’s got them doing housework. She’s a fucking genius why did I never think of this! 

I get home at 8.40pm after a 12 hour shift and all seems peaceful and quiet, chris has got them all to bed and settled. I sit down and it’s like they fucking know ! B starts crying so I head up and settle her , then G and then the small boy is demanding the milk makers (it’s ok kids I didn’t want to eat or chill for a bit or anything). I get him back to sleep at around 10 in the end. By that point I’m too tired to anything other than go to bed and chris is asleep on the sofa. So I do ready for another eventful night! Weirdly they slept pretty well after that (they only woke I think once each) it was amazing although I woke up more tired than when I don’t sleep. 

Saturday morning .. 

I go up to the boy at around 5, keep him in his room for a bit trying tirelessly to get him back to sleep at 6.30 I give up and we just play. The girls are all awake and playing on their rooms until chris wakes up around 7 when he sends me back to bed for an hour. I get up and try to sort my self out while chris starts on the garden. 

Why do they turn into devil children the moment he im is out of the house. I’ve got G shouting at R because she won’t play with her, she wants to play with A who doesn’t want to play with her , B is found in the bathroom playing with the taps, there is water everywhere while the small boy child is wingding because he’s tired, like it’s my fault and I made him wake up a stupid o’clock .. Now is the perfect time and the girls get choices.. housework or no telly all day .. fucking hell its worked they’re all doing some housework. I go to out the small boy child to bed (because it’s that simple clearly) and next thing I know I’ve got R at the door “mum I’m hungry” I sternly tell her I’m getting your brother to sleep you will have to wait. She does downstairs and oh here B “mummy I need a poo come wipe my bum” again I tell her I can’t she is a big girl and to try herself. Both waking a half asleep boy child in the process !! Then A stands at the door the poor child doesn’t even have time to say anything I just growl at her “has someone’s head fallen off? If not get downstairs while I get your brother to sleep” .. finally the poor boy is asleep. 

Downstairs however is carnage now kids thinking they’re WWE pros against each other. To be honest I’m surprised I didn’t walk down to hair and nails flying everywhere . Time for housework again for them (I actually cannot believe how well this shit works) ! Chris asks for a shopping list and I bit the poor sods head off (sorry dude) like I’ve had time to think about that this morning! He goes off and all is slightly settled for a while as they’re all worried about having to do more housework haha. Until G accidently falls on B so B punches her now I’ve got two crying while R is moaning they’re in the way of the telly and A is stropping about lord only knows what! Chris is home (thank the fucking lord) and is making food while I’m now stuck with an impossible decision .. do we take the kids to rugby because they’ve been little shits and I can’t cope with an afternoon of them in the house, or not take them as punishment for being little shits!? Taking them wins because to be honest… fuck sitting in with them all in foul arse moods! To my surprise we actually have a really nice afternoon outside playing and making daisy chains (although if I see another daisy chain anytime soon I may well spontaneously combust). 

We rush home as me and chris are heading to an engagement party later (ha yeah we are actually going to adult). However nothing is straight forward in our life and his mum is poorly. So now I rally around trying to get someone to have the smalls just for a couple of hours so we can adult. This in itself is hard as hell as when you have this many kids you have few good friends you trust enough to have them. Plus the more kids you have the more friends disappear it seems. Anyway Sally comes to the rescue (we fucking love you Sally) so we get our shit together and head out all dressed up. 

We get to the party, we see and speak to the same people about the same things we do at the rugby club but who cares they’re cool people and we are adulting! 

Then comes the dreaded call..the feeling I got when I saw sallies name pop up was one which I can only imagine resembles gong to make a morning coffee and having no coffee.  “B is screaming and has woken G up and B won’t come near me or tell me what’s wrong”. These kids really do bloody know! I call and give Sally the technique  we use to get them back to sleep and soon after get a text to say it’s ok they’re asleep. Twenty minutes later another text “they’re screaming again” so I tell her to put B in my bed and sit with G and they should go off again. They do and we think all is well and can carry on with our night. Haha as parents you should never think things like that . Another text “they’re under control but I’m currently laid on your bed with them” so I tell her we will head home although she’s more than capable it’s unfair. Sally tells us “no it’s fine honestly just wanted to let you know they’re ok” occompanied by the cutest picture ever. 

 So we take a little more time with our drinks and head home picking up a kebab on the way (btw these are much better when you’re drunk then when you’re sober I found this out this night). We get home eat and chat for a bit before Sally heads home and we head to bed. Then the real fun starts . I carry the girls up to their beds and they’re asleep , que the boy child waking .. so I feed and lay with him. For most of the night while chris gets up with the girls who knows how many times. 5am I feed the boy again and then call chris for back up as he won’t go back to sleep and he takes over so I can get some rest. Those of you that breastfeed will know you never ever get a proper nights sleep with baby attatched to your tit all night. 

Mother’s Day.. 

I’m woken at 8 to Chris “hey beautiful it’s time to get up we need to get the kids ready to take R to rugby training” thinking for fuck sake we lost an hour last night as the clocks went forward so on a technicality it’s 7am can’t a mother have a lay in on Mother’s Day (the answer to that by the way is no you’re a parent lay ins don’t exist although chris does try to let me lay in and they definitely don’t count if you’ve been up all night). Then my anger turned to amazement and pride . The kids came bundling in all with home made cards that they’d put their all into. G and R also had the cards they had gotten me while at their dads and B had grown me a flower from a seed. They smother me in kisses and cuddles and for a good half hour I remember why I love them so much. I get up and help Chris get them sorted. I feed the boy child while asking the girls to get dressed and ready R is ready quicker than I’ve ever seen her get ready before through pure excitement for rugby, while B is running around naked saying “I’m going like dis Mumma” , A is moaning like fuck about how she doesn’t want to go and can stay at home on her own, while G is walking around with pants, a top , one sock on and her shoes in her hand! Evenetially after a few battles and near tear occasions (from me and Chris) we get them on the car. 

R does fantastically at training , if that is nearly smashing her glasses, falling over a ton of times and doing the chicken dance is what you class as fantastic rugby (in all honestly that’s pretty much what it is) she really enjoys herself and I’m really enjoying shouting encouragement and watching her, until “muuuuum I’m cold” , “mum I need a wee” , “mum I’m hungry” “mum …. mum … mum” so I head inside with the three girls and the boy child .. on the way in G decides she’s changed her mind so I send her back to Chris instead of going she just stands there (bearing in mind he’s not far from us at all). Now I’m battling with a five year old about what she is doing and she is just stood there fucking staring at me. After the longest five minutes of my life Chris comes and takes her back to where R is training. Me the boy child , B and A sit inside eating crisps and chatting until they’re finished. 

Once R is done they come back and we then start the into the car battle again B has run off across the field , G is crying because she didn’t get a bag of crisps (although I’d told her there was one in the car for her), A despite not wanting to come now suddenly doesn’t want to fucking leave , while the boy child decides it’s time to have a feed and R is jumping around mega exited the club lent her a pair of “real rugby boots” because clearly you can get fake ones 🙄. 

We finally get them in the car and I get a phone call it’s my nan whom I’ve only met once in 30 years and that was around Christmas (there is a back story to this but to be honest this fucking blog is gunna be long enough without it) . So we head over there and it’s amazing they’re so welcoming , play with the kids and chat to us. They own owls and so the kids are mesmerised when we walk in and there’s on just perched on an ornament in the lounge. We only intend on staying an hours as we’ve a busy day but end up there two and a half hours. We all had a great time the kids got given , sweets , crisps , fruit and I started getting to know my grandparents asbthey did their great grandparents. We say our goodbyes and the kids all get a feather each from a massive box of them. 

We now head to my mums , give her the card and flowers we got and relax (haha like you can ever relax with five kids). We spend some time with her , her partner and my brother and all have a lovely time playing in the garden again the kids get filled with rubbish food, but you know what..today I don’t give a shit anything for an easy life. We don’t do it often so what does it matter. Again piling the kids into the car (this shit is getting draining now) and head to my dads. While on the way we realise the kids haven’t actually had a proper lunch and it’s like 3.30 although in fairness the kids haven’t actually stopped eating all day. 

We get to my dads and my sister and partner are there . We give my dads partner her card and flowers and the seven kids play with grandad, while we watch on lovingly at their attempt at what’s the time mr wolf and some other game that I don’t know the name for but is basically the same. We all had a great time. We load the kids up in the car and head home . By this point me and chris are mentally and physically drained praying that B stays awake for the 40 minute drive home. (The kids were running around far to much to get a decent picture of them all) 

We get home and chris mum comes over for dinner, the girls bath themselves (bar B nanny helps her) while chris makes dinner and I sit feeding the boy child. Next thing I know all I hear from the kitchen is “for fuck sake who even decided on this stupid dinner it’s not cooking quick enough” … to which I replied “well actually it was mine as it’s Mother’s Day and I love loaded potato skins I did offer to make it” it prompted an apology from him at least. 

We all love it when nanny comes over. We play for a bit before enjoying a lovely dinner, all though we eat separately as the the boy child , B and G’s are ready first , then R and A’s , then mine and nannys. Nanny puts B and G to bed and I put the boy child to bed. while chris is still cooking ours  and when ours is ready he takes over with B and G. He is a good man he had his dinner after we all did so he could sit with the devil children that hate sleep. Nanny heads home and I send R and A to bed surprisingly they go pretty simply.  

By this point chris pours me a cider and we chill for half hour. 

The house is a mess , but me and Chris are both to god damn tired to do anything about it. So fuck it it is not getting done tonight no way in hell! So we head to bed early about 9 I think. By 10 I have an awake boy child (bet ya saw that coming) and the night went much as the last few have….. oh the joys! 


Mondays are always a Huge rush but today was even more rushed. This morning though B and the boy child are having breakfast at nursery (yay for no coco pop carpet). I get the kids ready and have the normal morning battle, however it’s slightly easier this morning as I am just not in the mood and I think the kids can tell (I’ve a feeling my lack of patience, easily snapping and lack of big encouraging smiles might give it away ever so slightly). I get the kids to school and nursery and head home to eat quickly ignoring the clothes all over the lounge floor and yesterday’s mess that needs clearing up, eating is however sacrificed for a poo in peace! I head to an apt I’ve got that lasts two and a half hours! Then straight from there I head to the children’s centre to catch up with a lady I needed to see, but she’s gone. 

Then it dawns on me … no work this afternoon although I love my job massively I become very accustomed to the idea of an afternoon of peace. Until I remember I’ve still got to go on for another apt this time for my nvq induction which I had asked to start as soon as I could  (because clearly I don’t have enough to do and like to challenge myself by adding more). In all seriousness I want to better my labels and my career for myself and the kids so chose to do it. On the way home I very seriously contemplate not telling my friend that picks the kids up on a Monday I’m on my way home (sorry ash), but I appreciate how much she does for me and guilt of taking the Piss takes over so I head straight to school (yup I’ve still not eaten yet today). I collect the kids who are in their usual fantastic moods and refusing to talk to me about their days .. good chat kids good chat! On the way home G sees her friend with his dad and invites herself over. He says yes and so she goes to play for the afternoon. While I get the joy of a now moaning R because she wanted to go too and I said no as he’s G’s friend. I get in and make myself some egg on toast while R and A go uosetots to play. Within minutes they’re fighting because A days R is too young to play with her this goes on, on and off until their dinner is done where they actually beat each other’s company while they eat! Chris comes home and I’ve already text him about my day so is hiding outside in the garden haha. I go to get G and when I’m back he has no choice and gets changed the. Goes to get B and the boy child . They get home and straight to bed for B, G and the boy child so chris takes the girls while I take the boob monster (attached to the milk makers) to bed. 

I’m going to end this one here as frankly it’s 12.43am on Wednesday morning now and can bog tomorrow about the mayhem that was Tuesday to give you guys something to look forward to. Although it has taken me five days to complete this bloody blog because the reality is my life is painfully busy and hectic sometimes! 

Much love 

Kate 😘

What a couple of days

So I’ve not blogged for a couple of days purely because the last couple of days seem to of rolled into one long day.. 

Monday night the boy child decided somewhere between 1-1.30am to wake up for the day I tried everything humanly possibly to get him to go back to sleep, but he just wanted to play, pull my hair, do rolly pollys around his bed, and generally just be a little turd! By 5.15am I went down and woke chris so I could get a full 90 minutes sleep before getting up for the madness that was before school. Chris briefed the kids on mummy being very tired and her temper probably being very short. We should of learnt by now this is always a bad idea as it turns into a competition to see who can make mummy lose her shit first! (B won) the girls were generally just not doing as asked and she was walking around hitting people for… well just for shits and giggles to be honest! I battle with getting them dressed and to school as G has completely forgotten how to dress herself and R has decided she just can’t be arsed. B refuses to put her shoes and coat on and after being asked a million and twelve times add that to her behaviour in general to her behaviour this morning, I lose my temper (this rarely happens) I shout in the mum voice that only comes out when you’re in deep shit “just get your god damn shoes and coat on” I’m almost sure I heard my neighbours also rushing to get their shoes and coat on (sorry neighbours) . B looks at me in shock , she’s staring at me really confused. Anyone that knows B, knows she is stubborn as a shit stain in a cloth nappy and calmly replies back to me “no thankyou mummy” … now I’m torn she was polite but totally doing it to get a reaction. So I’m mad and pleased at the same time (patronising little madam)! So I get the kids out of the door and say to B “fine don’t wear your bloody shoes or coat you’ll get sore feet and cold, now come on we are going” she walks out the door no shoes or coat on un-phased. Part of me is pleased she knows her own mind the other part is fuming. A must be able to see me boiling (I can only assume I resemble the hulk transforming at this point) and steps In saying  “come on B quickly let’s get your shoes and coat on before you get cold” and the little madam did just like that ! I want to scream “seriously” but don’t for a fear if I do I won’t stop and so I lock the door and off we go. 

Get the girls to school and home with the small two the small boy demands his milk makers as usual although he’s been attached to them all pissing night, while B is shouting for breakfast. I multi task like a pro and make breakfast for them both while feeding him. They eat , my floor gets covered in fucking coco pops again today though I can’t be arsed the floor is (was) clean and so I pop his cereals back in his bowl and he chucks them everywhere again . At this point I’ve given up and am now watching him pick his coco pops up one at a time from the floor and eat them.. what the hell is wrong with my kids why would he rather eat from the floor than a bowl?! B gets dressed while I take the boy child to bed but today he’s decided a nap is off the cards! I’m sat feeding him in his room and I can hear the bathroom taps B is “bathing the baby” I shout to her to stop playing with the taps! She seems to listen an hour it took me to get the boy to sleep and me and B are doing puzzles before she decides she wants to play upstairs. So she heads upstairs and I do the dishes before I hear the boy wake! He normally sleeps for a good couple of hours but not today it had been 40 minutes! I go up and she’s in his fucking room “mummy I wanted to play with him” i walk away and call my mum before I really lose my temper they play for a bit before lunch although he is miserable as sin by 11am because he’s so tired. 
1pm comes and my friend comes over and very possibly saved my sanity she plays with B while I feed the small boy child. 2pm my mum turns up. Thank the lord for these two people today! The kids are occupied with them and I just sit on the sofa not talking to anyone trying to figure out how the hell im gunna get through work later on so little sleep! 

School pick up was interesting no matter how many times I told G not to run backwards she pays no attention until splat, down she goes. Normally I would be all .. oh no babe, are you ok? Do you need magic kisses? Today that didn’t happen (whoops) and she was met with “well if you’d of listened in the first place it wouldn’t of happened, come on get up we have to get A”  in front of a bucket load of other parents, while R is looking at me puzzled as to where this reaction has come from. We get A and head home, G still upset about the knee that’s not even grazed and my absolute lack of sympathy. We get back and it’s all ok as she gets all the sympathy she needs from my mum and Joan. While I right now want to kiss them so much as they’ve cleaned the house for me :). Given how tired and miserable I am this has made my day so thankyou guys. I start dinner while asking the girls to get their pjs on three times before grandma asked and then they did she then makes home made sweets with them. While Joan occupies the small boy child. This is the first time i can remember I’ve not had five small people hassling me about when dinner will be ready, how school have starved them or needing my to wipe their arses. Dinners done and Joan heads home we sit and eat, well me, my mum and the girls do, the boy child as usual stares and shouts at his with no intention what so ever of eating it. 

Chris walks in and informs us of an accident so I have to leave earlier for work and rush to get ready and out the door leaving him to get the kids to bed and bathed. I get home at 11.30, the kids are all sleeping , the house is a mess and chris is ill with a migraine I express and get ready to head to bed before he starts vomming and wakes the small boy child up… Wonderful ! I pass him some water and go sort the baby I don’t even know what time I finally got to bed I think about 1.30am until 3am when two girls wake I go settle them and at 3.30 the boy wakes again he didn’t go back to sleep until 5 :(. I get another hour and a half sleep before getting the small humans up for school. Chris is still throwing up into a bucket (beautiful vision hey)! He is in bed and that’s where he stays until 2.30pm meaning all day I have to try keep the smalls quiet.  This task is always harder when you want them to be quiet! So I rush them up and ready as quick as I can and frankly do anything to make it easier and quieter , including getting three of them dressed, letting them watch TV (they don’t watch tv in the mornings normally) and letting them eat some of the jelly sweets they made the day before (yes you read that right it’s 7.15am and I’m bribing my kids with jelly). I get them to school and home with the younger two who eat their cereals relatively problem free bar the now normal ritual of covering the floor in cereals and get the small boy child to bed. I pull the sofa bed out and get some snacks and me and B cuddled up under a duvet watching telly for the entire time the boy is sleeping. When he wakes up it’s like he has been possessed by the devil! He is stropping left right and centre and I’m doing everything I can to keep him quiet and failing massively at this point B is not feeling the love so stropping because of the lack of attention she is getting (because obviously she never gets any haha). I find cake keeps them quiet for a few minutes so I can at least go for a pee. 

2.30 I wake chris to watch them while I go to watch G’s assembly. (Which I’m pissed off at the school about as I only got told the day before) She was amazing bless her made me very proud even if she did spend half the time behind everyone else with the actions and picking her nose ! All of the kids did so well. 

I get home and dinners on Chris is starting to feel better. We eat and he baths the kids before I do the daily nit check! Two of the girls need extra long checks because I found a couple in both of their hairs.. doing nit checks is the highlight of my fucking life (can you sense the sarcasm here), although to be fair there is something strangely satisfying with popping the ugly, crawly little fuckers! Chris puts B and G to bed and I spend over an hour trying to settle the boy child because R is doing her bloody usual come to me every three god damn seconds for something trivial and non important just so she can squeeze an extra or minute or two at a time onto her bedtime.. why the hell do kids even do that they’re shattered and miserable the next day! A goes up to bed herself as she is creeping for an extra ten minutes on her phone tomorrow. 

I need wine now or a therapist I chose wine, because some days my life would probably send a therapist into therapy! I go to the fridge and we’ve got none just to make the last couple of days even better. So now I’m in a strop. Turn my notifications off on my phone and watch 12 episodes of hollyoaks to catch up as I’ve not had time to have a relaxed poo let alone watch hollyoaks lately! I ignore the housework and anything else that might need any sort of energy at all… Its amazing, it really is sitting and doing nothing at all. I express an head to bed. The night is a bit better the small boy wakes 3am and chris takes over at 5.30 the girls if they did wake I slept through them haha. 

Thursday morning (this morning) was pretty uneventful Chris did most of the sorting of the kids because of how tired I am. I was however met with all the fucking housework and dishes I should of done last night (oh what a wonderful idea it was not to do anything last night) . I take the girls alongside my friends boy to school. Get home make the kids breakfast and then it gets interesting I go for my morning poo (what a twat I am) leaving them with their breakfast And this is what I came down to , This is B’s shit I’ve been caught and told off face ! 

How do they make so much mess in such a small amount of time! The boy decides he wants the milk makers and so I’m sat having to stare at this. I ask them to clean up a bit and this is what they bloody do ! I guess at least they’re kind of getting the coco pops in one place! 

The boy is now in bed and B is claiming she wants to go so I’m going to attempt to get them to sleep before having to clean all this up. Thankfully they’re at nursery this afternoon so I get a full two hours to myself and as much as I love my kids, but as you have read it’s been and exhausting few days. And I cannot wait to drop them off and run home to enjoy and embrace every second of quiet. 

On that note I hope you enjoyed my reality

See you soon 

Kate 😘

Mondays… that is all

What I will say before we go on is please join me in celebrating the fact that the boy child slept from 7.15pm to 5.10am and went back to sleep by 5.15am until 7am. Shame the others didn’t, but hey one is better than none! 

Anyway as per usual the children decided they wanted to sleep in. This happens most Mondays yet on the weekend they like to get up at the fucking arse cracking of dawn sometimes it’s not even bloody dawn. So Chris wakes them and they’re all moody as hell (good start to the day there). A has decided she will get dressed at least while R is crying she wants to go back to bed and we are the most evil parents in the entire world for making her get up , dressed , brush her teeth, have breakfast and get an education! G is getting dressed but has forgotten how to put her socks on, B is prancing around naked running away everytime you try get near her with clothes and the boy child is, as usual attached the milk makers leaving me unable to help with the socks, chase B and help R come to terms with how awful we are. So Chris gets B dressed while trying to calm R down who by now is hysterical because “I just can’t do it today” and giving words of encouragement to G about the socks that have now caused Her to start crying hysterically (bearing in mind she’s not even attempted to put the bloody things on just looked at them). 

Finally B and R are dressed while G is still refusing to even try to put her socks on. I tell her “you’re big girl five now give it your best shot if you still can’t I’ll help when I’ve finished feeding your brother” that is not good enough que the crying getting louder. It’s so noisey in my house right now I could cry with them! A brushes her hair , G has thrown the socks, has stopped crying and is now attempting to brush her hair while Chris brushes B’s hair and we are both painfully watching R brush the tiniest section of hair over and over again before she exclaims “all done” haha no, no its far from done! Now normally she is more than capable of brushing her hair but clearly today she can’t Monday! So we try to encourage her and bam more crying.. Chris then offers to do it for her and she agrees. Sounds simple enough right ? Wrong! She then moved away with every swipe of the brush down her hair crying that it’s hurting and she needs a teddy to cuddle. We get her a teddy and she stops crying but is giving it the death grip (although her hair isn’t actually that knotty) I actually am fearing This bloody teddys head will pop off at any moment. Chris gets dressed when he is finished, gives us all kisses and cuddles (I’m sure I can hear him in his brain saying thank fuck I’m outta here for a few hours) and heads out to work as he’s already late. A makes the snack bags up and then proceeds to ask for her phone bearing in mind she’s not brushed her teeth and we are running late and I’m still pinned down by the milk monster. I ask her and R to go have a wash and brush their teeth. Now apparently neither of them can Monday , R is crying (again) and A is sat on the stairs in protest shouting “I hate brushing my teeth, I want my phone, you’re so mean, I hate you, you’ve ruined my life” aren’t eight year olds just a fucking joy!! 

I finish feeding the boy, while telling them it’s fine if you don’t want to brush your teeth or wash your faces, but you will have stinky breath, dried sleepy dust and will likely get tooth ache. I then have a 5 and an 8 year old stomping up the stairs as loud as they possibly can. While R and G are jumping on the sofa , G still without her god damn socks on. I head to get dressed while challenging G to a race to see if she can get her socks on before I can get dressed …. even with a small boy clinging to my legs while I walk and get dressed I still win. Now we are running rather behind so I put her socks on and take her to brush her teeth, she washes her face and I do her teeth for while shouting down to A can you get the coats and book bags out please. Come downstairs look at the time and rush their coats on forgetting mine and take them to school. I’m only aloud to walk them to the gate and watch them in today because they’re far to cool to be walked to the door by their mum! 

Get home realise I’ve not washed or done my teeth neither has B and the small boy is still in last nights nappy (it is only 7.50am so not as bad as it sounds) I make them breakfast and change the boys bum, put some bacon on, then go to wash and brush my teeth while they’re eating . Bacons pretty much done when I come down so I whack some toast and eggs on too. B is now demanding her second bowl of cereals so I make that and start eating my own food, suddenly the cereals are redundant and she’s eating mine with me (it’s taken me years to learn to share bacon) . 

In the 30 seconds it’s taken me to take the plate out to the sink, the boy child is stood at the gate banging his bowl on it, meaning he wants more as I get closer to him I realise why….. A fucking coco pop carpet again 🙄. (That is a clean nappy by the way although it is last nights baby grow) 

 I look at the clock and realise we are still running late, give him and B a pancake each and start dressing him. Why do kids feel the need to run off while you’re trying to bloody dress them! I’m gently saying “come on baby lets get dressed” while he’s squirming off and in my head screaming “for fuck sake child I can’t deal with this bollocks today” (a parents ability to hold this shit in is impressive to say the least!) eventually he’s dressed and happy again i pop his coat on and him in the buggy. I take B up washed her face and brush her teeth. Get her coat and shoes on and now she’s decided she won’t wear her glasses because she’s found sunglasses and she’s cool like that! So I walk to nursery in the rain with a 4 year old that can’t actually see given the fact,  firstly she’s not got her glasses on, secondly she’s wearing sun glasses and it’s starting to rain (thank fuck I remembered my coat this time) 

I get them into nursery and B won’t leave my side but I’ve got to take the boy child into the baby room to feed him. So one of the staff takes her off to the bigger room. I’m sat feeding the boy all of a sudden I also have another small boy sitting on me using me as a seat while he plays haha. Finish feeding the small boy and he starts crying the please don’t leave me cry…Until he sees his keyworker anyway, then he’s like sod off mum I don’t need you anymore! Did I mention he only uses me for my milk makers? I head to the course I’m attending and we had a laugh while there. 

Get home at 12pm wak in thinking right I’ll wash up last nights dishes and this mornings bowls, get bathed, express, eat and go to work… Guess what I forgot about? The fucking coco pop carpet! So I clean up a lot more than I expected , grab a bag of crisps and sit and express while aimlessly scrolling through Facebook not even really looking at anything. I then Have a bath (that was a weird experience it’s just not right bathing without a child or three bugging me) . I get dressed call a taxi and go to work. 

8.30pm I get home and realise how much I’ve missed the small people even though they drive me insane…. a lot . Chris has got them all fed, washed and to bed, the house is pretty tidy (all things considered) and I go to check on them. They’re so bloody beautiful (more so when they’re asleep and not screaming at me). I really genuinely have missed them and my heart just fills with love when I’m checking on them all sleeping peacefully. Reality hits and I get sad that they don’t need me to put them to bed while at the same time I’m pleased they’re not fully reliant on me and are happy for daddy to put them to bed. I get my pjs on and am now sat expressing while everyone else in my house is asleep. 

(I can’t add a picture if R as she has as usual stripped her pjs off and will not have her covers on her for even a millisecond) .. 

Here’s hoping we all get a restful night. Although I’m not holding my breath haha. 

Much love 


A simple day out with the kids

Ha who am I kidding nothing is ever simple when you’ve got kids. Even the task of organising the trip is bloody exhausting. 

We took the kids out this morning to help them learn to ride their bikes. Good fun right? … wrong. 

A is petrified of her bike that she begged for, for Christmas. So she spends the entire time saying “I can’t do it can we go home” while actually doing it 🙄 . We encourage her and egg her on, but that doesn’t help. This is totally our fault for not getting them out on their bikes more but she’s nearly 9 and can’t ride even with stabilisers so we are really trying to help her. 

B can’t actually reach the pedals on her bike (although it’s the smallest kids bike they do) and so we take her trike and the small boy child walks… well we thought he would. The small boy child although we’ve only been out five minutes is now being carried because he’s tired!  We have a good time for a while B is screaming with excitement and A is still moaning about not being able to ride the bike that she is currently successfully riding. B decides the boy child can try out her trike me and Chris are surprised by this and give her massive praise for being so kind. It turns out though she didn’t mean it. We put him on the trike and she straight away grabs the handle “it’s mine give it back, get him off” and then does the classic floor drop and kick the shoes off trick , while we are out in public (cheers kid). Its relatively quiet, but a few people go passed and I can see them staring and whispering I know what they’re thinking. It took every ounce of my strength not not scream “what’s the matter never seen an upset kid before” but I didn’t I kept my mum cool while standing by B asking her how she was ever possibly going to get back on her trike while laid on the floor with no shoes on and secretly wanting the world to swallow me up. Eventually she gets up, puts her shoes back on and starts chasing after Chris, A and the boy child who are by now a good way from us. 

It’s clear they’re all getting tired so we head home. 

I forgot I promised the girls a treat and so decide the cinema is a good idea. Before we even get there this is a mammoth task and within minutes I regret my decision, but there is no backing out now. Trying to find seats so the four year old will be able to see (knowing full well she probably won’t watch most of it anyway) in itself took an hour. Trawling through the website looking at different viewings, screens and seating plans. I eventually settled on the kids screen knowing that if she was a monkey as usual then she wouldn’t be the only one and worst case I could go sit in the embarrassed parents corner with the other parents of devil children. Getting them ready to go bearing in mind I was only taking A and B again took forever. A didn’t want to brush her hair , while B wanted to prance around naked and the boy child (who was going out with Chris) screamed everytime I tried to put his socks on. Finally A sorted her hair , B got dressed and I gave up with the boy Childs socks and we get in the car. We took my friend Hannah with us as she wanted to see the film and had asked a couple hours before if we were free. Below is a picture of a child that doesn’t want to brush her hair haha. 

Me, Hannah and the girls went for a Nando’s first as Chris had to meet his brothers and mum that wasn’t to bad to be fair (if you discount B using her juice as gravy for her food completely disregarding me asking her not to. I’m really impressed with the fact they cleaned down their grills and got the manager to deal with our order because of the allergies. We eat and still have half hour to spare so pop outside with the girls for some air and to people watch oh how I love people watching. While our we see these two women sat in a giant white stone (aptly named the selfie stones by A) making all sorts of weird and wonderful duck faces when in actual fact they were beautiful and the duck faces made them look a tad silly but hey each to their own I guess. We head into the cinema and I get our pre booked tickets for the perfectly placed seats while B is destroying the other ticket machine because it’s touch screen and what kid doesn’t like anything that’s touch screen (sorry odeon) and then proceeds to run around in excitement picking up every packet of sweets she can on the way round. We then have a stand off about how many packets of sweets she’s allowed, I say 1 she says 10 it took more will power than you can imagine to stick to my guns and finally she picks one and puts the rest back while A is flaunting her smarties around winding B up because B is lactose intolerant and isn’t allowed anything with milk in. Finally we get all our stuff and head to the screen. We get ourselves comfy and B runs off mega excited and like she’s eaten ten bags of skittles because there’s a play area in front of the screen. While I plod off to the bar and get a small wine topped with a lot of lemonade just to give me the feeling I’m having a real glass of wine and help me through would could potentially be a very stressful 129 minutes. (Isn’t this the best cinema ever!)  When I get back B is still really excited running up to us then Down to play over and over again as she just can’t decide what to do bless her. The films starting and she’s sat with me for a while before she goes off to play while A’s sat ingrossed in the film then it goes quiet and all everyone hears is “mum my bum bum hurts” shouted from the play area as loud as she possibly could que my face turning pinker than a baboons butt (Aren’t kids just the greatest). She comes back up for a cuddle I give her bum a rub and all is well with the world again. Five minutes later she needs to pee so we go to the toilet where she covers herself in water and then cries telling me it’s my fault the tap was too fast. She’s dries off and we head back in. she goes back off to play and I go and join A and Hannah until at the next quiet moment she yells again from the front as loud as she can “mum I need a poo, I’m gunna poo myself”.. If someone could explain to me why children wait until it’s quiet to shout these things that would be great! I walk down to get her apologising to every person I pass for my daughter telling the world about her bowel functions. When we get back she sits with us because “the beast is scary”. When she does go back to play she starts climbing on the edges of the play area so I signal to her to get down and as usual get ignored. I head down to her to explain why it’s dangerous and without thinking when I pass another parent say “I’m really sorry I’ve just got to give my child and asbo” automatically I regretted that sentence, it’s one of the ones you accidentally think out loud. I am however relieved when she says “no it’s my child that needs one” we giggle together for a second. To that mum – thankyou it’s nice to know I’m not the only one that feels this way sometimes. I do the whole explain why it’s dangerous etc to B and she settles and sits down to watch the film in the play area. It goes quiet again , I’m dreading what’s going to come out of B’s mouth this time, and there it is she shouts but to my surprise she melts my heart shouting “mummy I love you to the moon and back” I forget how many people are trying to watch the film and shout back I love you baby girl. Myself and Hannah then start to find it amusing that people are getting frustrated with all the kids playing, they’re not being disruptive (well bar B shouting intermitantly) and lets face it what do you expect when you book a “kids screen” After about 15 pee breaks for B it’s around ten minutes away from the end of the film typically A decides she needs to pee seconds after I’ve just got back with B. So I tell her to hold it for a short while and she asks Hannah who says the same and explains the films nearly finished and she does reluctantly, she does this everytime we go to the cinema. We manage to catch the end of the film before Hannah takes her and I battle it out with a 4 year old that doesn’t want to leave the play area. I am secretly screaming “please child just put the god damn things on and listen to me for once”  inside, as she is refusing to put her shoes and socks on when she finally does I have to carry her becaise she point blank refuses to walk and I don’t want the floor drop, not here, not now. 

Chris is waiting outside for us and so we get in the car and head home. When we get back P is waiting with the other two girls, I’ve missed them so much this weekend and am so glad to see them . I’m met with R excitedly telling me she’s got something for me but I’m not aloud it yet holding a pink envelope and G trying to get me to open the pink envelope she also has for me until P tells them no they’re not for today and they run off and hide them (here’s hoping they can be found again as I’ve still not found the glasses they hid from me three months ago haha). 

Then comes bedtime (oh the joys) Chris is battling a squirming, screaming over tired B to get her pjs on while I sort the boy child who decides to run off butt naked and refuses to come back as he’s far to busy trying to figure out what the hell is hanging off of him (his boy bits) that he’s never noticed before now. A gets herself ready for bed and R and G are already in their pjs. Chris takes B and G up to bed while I take the boy child who is litterally just demanding the milk makers, acting like he’s been starved for the entire 5 hours he’s been away from me. I’m feeding him in his room and he’s decided the way to get milk quicker is try to break the skin with his bloody nails (fucking wonderful I now look like I’ve been breastfeeding a baby bear). I leave him in his bed and come back ten minutes later to this haha. Clearly he’s not figured out this bed lark yet. We then send R and A who both go without any problems. They get in and settled and the night wakings begin from B Chris goes the first time to settle her. Then takes Hannah home in the meantime B us awake again and crying but won’t say why. Anyone else find it really annoying how us parents are expected to be bloody mind readers? 

She’s now settled again after waking 3 times already and I’ve sat to write this. Until  I physically can’t keep my eyes open any longer. Speaking of not being able to keep my eyes open, that’s me for the evening. I’m tired, grumpy and me and Chris will likely be up hourly if not more with one child or another, after a long day. 

See you next time